Just here

So the other night my husband states that the only reason he is around is to make things work. We never expected having a child and because the military did not catch that I was 3 months pregnant and I did not find out that I was going to have a baby until I was 37 weeks was so much stress on us both. Thankfully my mother lives like 30 minutes away and was there to help me through and I have a beautiful baby boy named Tyler. The fact of the matter is that people change and I am not the same person that I was. I have had so many bad things happen to me but it has made me the person I am today and I would not trade that for anything. I love my family and the support of my friends. So are we going to get a divorce I do not know. I love my husband but I am tired of the guilt all the time and the fact that he calls me crazy and that I need to be back on my meds. Yeah that is another thing. I was taking antidepressants while I was pregnant. Which I believe strongly that the military needs to compensate me for. What am I to do. I am at a loss in my life and do not know where to go anymore. I feel empty and completely worthless. The only good thing I have done in my life is my son. I hate therapists and I have seen a counselor when I was 8 and tried to commit suicide with a knife. Then last year while on the antidepressants I sent myself into an alcohol blackout where I slit my wrists and made my husband cry. I am tired of being the one to say that I am sorry. Because I am not. I am me and if you do not like it then you can get away from me. Is there anyone that understands what I am going through? Help. I do not ask it very often but I need.

Sincerely,
Dazed and Confused