[Vincent B]

I started dating my girlfriend 3 years ago. I was 16, she was 15 but we were always two grades apart. I was a Junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Alot happend that first year, with cheating, and we were both virgins at the time, But she was pretty sexual other ways, and not with me. Alot of cheating went on and finally she slept with somone. It's haunted me for years and till this day i can't get over it. We got back togther after that a few months later, things were really good because i loved her to death still. But after a few months i wanted her to suffer, and feel my hurt. I wanted her to pay.

I wasn't the same sweet guy she met a year ago. She understood and stayed with me up until about 2 months ago. I'm 19, and shes 18 now. I'm a sophmore in college and shes a senior in highschool. I'm still in love with her but she can't live with a heavy heart for mistakes she knows she made 3 years ago and i understand that, a few days ago she slept with somone else, i was heartbroken and hit rock bottom. I've been like this for years and ive always been ashamed to get help.

I want to be happy for once and go on with her or without her. I'm not a bad looking kid either, i just can't bring myself to get with another girl because i'll feel awful. I can't really function without knowing where she is or what shes doing. Its an awful life style and it's been non-stop for 3 years.

I just wrote this fast im sure i left out details i just want help as soon as possible.

[SpottedOwl]

Hi Vincent,

Wanting to be happy and to solve a problem in your life is a sign of maturity, and IMHO a very good thing.

The first thing I would recommend is to stop all contact with your ex. This includes looking online to find info about her. Delete her from you friends for a while. This does not have to be forever, but you need some space to figure out what *you* need and learn from this experience. (It is rather like picking a wound -- every time you contact her or look for her, you are re-experiencing that hurt.)

I know this will be really hard at first, so get some support from friends. Let them know you need a break from your ex, and you've committed to not contacting her for X amount of time. They can help you stay strong.

Talking to a professional can also be really useful. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. It is pretty cool to have a place that is totally private to just talk about what is on your mind. The college might have free or low-cost counselors to talk to, and it would also give you added support and a good perspective.

You absolutely deserve to be happy and have a loving relationship. I think your instinct not to get involved with another girl right now is wise. You need time for just you right now.

HTH

[Vincent B]

I appreciate the info and advice. I forgot to mention she also got diagnosed with depression a few months ago. She says she still loves me and wants things to work but idk what to do

[Vincent B]

Today this same girl wants to get back together. But only if i promise to acknowledge her in public and stop feeling uncomfortable and stop caring what other people think?

Whats anyones opnion here?

[SpottedOwl]

The real question is what do YOU want to do? You know what will probably happen if you get back together again. Take some time to really think about it. Write about it. Think about what you want out of a relationship, and if you want one right now. Do not let her pressure you into a decision.

If you want to make a change, do it for yourself..not because someone else demands it.

You deserve to have a happy, supportive relationship. One where your partner accepts and loves every part of who you are. The trick is learning to accept and love yourself first.

[Vincent B]

I'm more happy with her than without her. Does anything else matter but happiness? Even if there are other problems?

[I_WMD]

Originally Posted by Vincent B

Today this same girl wants to get back together. But only if i promise to acknowledge her in public and stop feeling uncomfortable and stop caring what other people think?

Whats anyones opnion here?

Why would she feel you are not acknowledging her ?

WMD.

[Vincent B]

She feels that because i have trouble showing affection to her when we're around people shes been with. It just makes me feel uncomfortable, So its difficult to go out places where our friends are without running into somone.

[I_WMD]

Originally Posted by Vincent B

She feels that because i have trouble showing affection to her when we're around people shes been with. It just makes me feel uncomfortable, So its difficult to go out places where our friends are without running into somone.

O ,,, OK .

Could ya maybe go for a nice walk [ hold hands ] ,, give her random hugs and smooches ,,,, and if yas happen to run into someone she has " been " with ,, * once they are out of hearing range *

Make - up a scenario as to what they may be thinking ,,,,you will learn her feelings through [ sarcasm may be LOL ] ,,, and you can insert your quip ...
Then next time you two are out ,, holding hands of course ,, and ya see same peep ,, you will have the scenario picture in your head ,, and hopefully , not feel as uncomfortable .

WMD.

[Vincent B]

So your saying play the scenerio in my head and what i would be before it actually happens?

[I_WMD]

More like this _B ,,, You and your gf talk about her past * been withs * as you run into them in public ..

[whispers] .... Women either say non-complimenting things or they shrug and say something like >> " It don't matter ".

As far as * what you would be * ,, be who you are !!!! HER BOYFRIEND !

And if ya really want to make a point , after you pass exes ,, turn back to see if they doing the once over and mouth the word >> LOSER ...

And a little c o c k of the head and a smirk helps too . >>> She is With You _B ,, give her all of you ! all the time .