[stella01]

we've been together for 12yrs married for 41/2yrs & have 2 boys together,i truly love him & he me, but i feel hes being selfish about sex? my excuse for not wanting it is that i suffer from bi-polar & just dont want it he thinks im selfish cause that makes him happy but when i give in its horrible i pretend its ok but its not. i think i was abused as a child but i dont remember much about it or anything else? how can this effect me if i dont remember?

[skymonk]

This can majorly affect you if you have past child sexual abuse issues that you just aren't remembering. I didn't remember mine until last year-I started having dreams&things that my bf does reminds me of my abusers. I gave in&kept having sex even though I had no interest whatsoever(I haven't been able to have an orgasm since 2006)&I finally put my foot down in November&said "NO!" because for the past 4 months we'd had extremely painful for me sex&I'd yell "Ow!&he'd ignore me&keep on doing his thing. My ex husband expected sex 3x daily&it always bothered me, but I didn't remember my past enough to know that that was the problem. There are some good books out there. I can't remember the title, but my favorite was by Karen Duncan. Hers was almost like a clinician's guide but she really spelled it out about how&why we remember like we do&what we can do about it. If you can, see a t&see if you both can't figure out if it's just the depression or if it's upcoming memories too. If you have been abused it might help to have your hubby there to hear from the t about how child sexual abuse affects people. We're all different but there are some patterns. Hope this helps.