It's your Birtday And you can SMILE if you want to , LAUGH if your lucky to.. maybe eve CRY if you need to , You would SIGH too if it happened to you.

Hello,

I'm Patricia , and thats me on the left at age four , It's my brothers birthday party and all our friends are on a cement patio. in Fidlay , Ohio on July 30 1960 .

During this year I had a boy friend . His real name I can't remember . He was a cutie . He lived in a house on the diagonal to mine and he would make his journey through the yards just to come visit me every day . I can see him right now. He would come up to the edge of the patio and sing to me , yodel and he called me Jane . And he would proffess his love for me. I never left the patio. He stayed on the grass . This went on till he had to move away.

We never had any physical contact. We never played together . Just the daily serinade. He was quite the little gentalman .

I was lucky. little did I know That It was the last I would see for the next half century. The last of that crazey In love with you look . That impish smile that wide eyed wonder comming from a man. In fact its the only one I have ever had in my entire life.

I still have hopes.

I have dreams

I have desires

I have wishes

I even have wants.

Are these expectaions?

I have been taking my little tray with pieces of cake to someone , and sharing my tender timid heart.

I dream sometimes of stepping off the patio. onto the grass, Or having him Him leap up onto the cement. And I work with that to see how I would feel . It informs me of where I am and what would do I still need to do. some more work.

Kinda a dress rehersal In my mind.

I see pictures and read words and they are so inviting . I see what I believe would be someone I would like to really get to know. A soul Buddy who shares so many of the same thigs I do i my real life. I see the potential .

But I'm not allowed to get a better realistic view .

I am told My desires hopes dreams are obsessions and expectaions. That they wanted to be no part of them in fact they were destroying the freindship . If the freindship was to continue at all they must be stopped.

these words crushed me.


So heres what my thread is about .

in relationships why are expectaions bad , or ruin a relationship as I 'm being told.
whats the difference between an expectation and a desire , a dream . and what makes them so " bad" or ruin a relationship.

I need help with this . Please when you share try not to give short cryptic aswers . I need stories real examples from your own life . Please feel free to be vulnerable .

In the mean time I'm trying to put the pieces of this cake I have given to decorated with my hope of somethig more . this person has given me a gift though ,they have helped me see I have so very much to give and Im still digging. i hope I have done the saame for them.

To you all here , your words your pictures your boldness ,your openess ,your acceptance, wit ,wisdom and just love, even though Its in typed form has transformed me in just a short while. Im finding myself a little more patient . Opening doors to saunas and banks for ohrers . lettig them have my place in line, smiling at others a bit more even when My eyes are filled with tears. I take some of you when I'm at work ands think of what I might say back to you, You have brought out my creativity and have opened my heart a bit more .

So thank you all . those i've had the chance to read you have given me a bunch of presents to open .

and Happy Birthday to you all. and thanks for making my day today very special . a place I can open and be honest a special gift it is.

Patricia .


I included the lyrics . I never really saw them till today. I've always liked the song so sing baby sing it....

Lesley Gore
"It's My Party"

Season 1
"The Gift"

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he's supposed to be mine

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Then all my records keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Oh-oh-oh It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to.....

Courtesy of: Den's Oldies Lyrics Page

[madisgram]

hi patricia, gee that's a thought provoking question. ok i'll take a shot at it...
for me expectations mean that i have a preconceived notion of the outcome. if i have an expectation of another person liking/loving me i am setting myself up for dissapointment because not everyone can live up to my expectation. (of liking me,etc) perhaps they don't even want to, even if they knew what my expectation was!
jme, "dreams, desires, etc." are things i can strive for. i may not get to where i want to "go" but at least i have envisioned that "place" and make efforts to accomplish the journey. if i have an expectation of that dream and fall short, then i will, jme, feel like a failure.
ok here's an example of an expectation i had. i felt that if i was a kind person to others then of course everyone would like me. not so, and i was crushed. my expectation of others was unrealistic. not everyone is going to like me just because i expect them to. there are lots of different people in the world. they all have a value system unique to themselves. it's not bad or good that way, it just is. so i had to rearrange my thinking and acknowledge too that i didn't like everybody else either!!
also many of the expectations that i've had on others i've learned are based on the unrealistic expectations i have on myself. like always being honest, always being kind to others, be the very best of the group (like school grades), always understanding of others, always helping others, ad nauseum. no one can be everything to all people. it's too big of a job! i had to learn to accept myself with my own imperfections (cause i fall short of the above also.) that was not easy and comes back to bite me in the xxx sometimes even now.
now how'd i do? as usual i want to have given you a "good" answer cause i expect that of myself. hummmm. but i must humbly admit i may have fallen short.
the only difference today is that i can accept that, if that is the case and your perception of my answer. course i wanta be "right" but there's no real definition of "right" in this context, so there you go....

Hi Masagram ,

i read through you rrespose rather fast .but I know its a winner . I can't do it justice in responding

One .mu computers modems both dial up and wireless are on the blink

two I just had a skating accident my first bad one and was knocked out

nice little visit to the er

Ill come back because I know theres gems here for me . j

and this cafe is closing

so .

good this is good any more ideas or you guys can make it any where you desire .

tilli get hooked upagain, head ache .. throb ..

thank you M,

Hi Madisgram,,

now how'd i do? as usual i want to have given you a "good" answer cause i expect that of myself. hummmm. but i must humbly admit i may have fallen short.

Lol you already answerd that

you did fab.

I still see a fine line here. I think the key is in these words you wrote.

not everyone is going to like me just because i expect them to.

"I expect" as in "this should happen" like a entitlement .

example If i do A and B this should happen . If I have sex with a guy I expect cetain things like a ring perhaps.. in the olden days this was the norm. Now it's E- gads where did you pop in from? or gosh I got a fatal attraction on my hands.

So .. expect vs Not everyone is going to like me because I ''HOPE" they will .or take my advise or like my work etc etc. expect vs Hope . maybe its knowing when to stop hoping.

so don't know .. I know the level of my serenity is prportional to my level of expectaions.
intresting its "the level" of

not that we are not supposed to have any. I just don't want to be beat over the head that Im having expectaions when Im waving my pinkie for a small small request that most people woulds just grant freely.

this is rediculuios.

Im stll flumixed.. here.

and sad .

I think a person can be so adamant about one not having "any expectaions" or constanly whiffing the air for the big E that, that in itself becomes a spritiual expectation on another .

LOL!

So .. tonight .. to remedy this is always good to ask .
how can I be of service to this person ? rather than ask for what I want in the situation.

Ah.. thier wish has been granted..

thanks for responding Madisgram..

Patricia..

Originally Posted by madisgram

hi patricia, gee that's a thought provoking question. ok i'll take a shot at it...
for me expectations mean that i have a preconceived notion of the outcome. if i have an expectation of another person liking/loving me i am setting myself up for dissapointment because not everyone can live up to my expectation. (of liking me,etc) perhaps they don't even want to, even if they knew what my expectation was!
jme, "dreams, desires, etc." are things i can strive for. i may not get to where i want to "go" but at least i have envisioned that "place" and make efforts to accomplish the journey. if i have an expectation of that dream and fall short, then i will, jme, feel like a failure.

ok here's an example of an expectation i had. i felt that if i was a kind person to others then of course everyone would like me. not so, and i was crushed. my expectation of others was unrealistic. not everyone is going to like me just because i expect them to. there are lots of different people in the world. they all have a value system unique to themselves. it's not bad or good that way, it just is. so i had to rearrange my thinking and acknowledge too that i didn't like everybody else either!!
also many of the expectations that i've had on others i've learned are based on the unrealistic expectations i have on myself. like always being honest, always being kind to others, be the very best of the group (like school grades), always understanding of others, always helping others, ad nauseum. no one can be everything to all people. it's too big of a job! i had to learn to accept myself with my own imperfections (cause i fall short of the above also.) that was not easy and comes back to bite me in the xxx sometimes even now.
now how'd i do? as usual i want to have given you a "good" answer cause i expect that of myself. hummmm. but i must humbly admit i may have fallen short.
the only difference today is that i can accept that, if that is the case and your perception of my answer. course i wanta be "right" but there's no real definition of "right" in this context, so there you go....

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Auroralso

how can I be of service to this person ? rather than ask for what I want in the situation.
Patricia..

that's a good approach to avoiding the expectations of others. i like that.

Originally Posted by madisgram

that's a good approach to avoiding the expectations of others. i like that.

It can work in that direction also . Madisgram . I believe I was thinking along the lines of dealing with my own expectaion of others or maybe not expectaions.. dreams hopes desires wants etc. There is something about helping others to get out of the unaswered questions or hurt of the self. It works while in the process .

But I SUCK at it...in the off time..

congrats on your 18 birthday...
Patricia