[Umm_kelly]

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. Our two month anniversary will be the 21st. Before we started a romantic relationship he was one of my best friends, and a person who I knew I could confide in, and also someone who I connected with on a mental level that is hard to find in the rural area where I live. But since then we've had two of what I call "breakup scares", where he trys to innitiate a breakup, and I somehow talk him out of it. His main "reason" is that because we're such good friends he doesn't want to break my heart down the road, and he "knows" that he's going to. He says that relationships are something that he gets tired of easily. After a short phone conversation (30-45 is what I call a short conversation) I managed to figure out what was really bothering him in our relationship during the second breakup scare. He was feeling really stressed and sad about being laid off of his job (which he didn't tell me but I knew played into it), and he had all kinds of trapped feelings and guilty feelings about not spending enough time with me even though I never pressure him to spend time with me, and in fact I encourage him to spend time with his friends. After I talked it through with him he said that I had made him feel better about everything he had been stressing about and he asked if he could just take back the whole breaking up with me thing. I've been feeling really insecure since then. I don't want to do anything to make him want to leave me, but at the same time I don't want to be in a relationship where I have reason to worry all the time. What do you think?

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by Umm_kelly

I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now. Our two month anniversary will be the 21st. Before we started a romantic relationship he was one of my best friends, and a person who I knew I could confide in, and also someone who I connected with on a mental level that is hard to find in the rural area where I live. But since then we've had two of what I call "breakup scares", where he trys to innitiate a breakup, and I somehow talk him out of it. His main "reason" is that because we're such good friends he doesn't want to break my heart down the road, and he "knows" that he's going to. He says that relationships are something that he gets tired of easily. After a short phone conversation (30-45 is what I call a short conversation) I managed to figure out what was really bothering him in our relationship during the second breakup scare. He was feeling really stressed and sad about being laid off of his job (which he didn't tell me but I knew played into it), and he had all kinds of trapped feelings and guilty feelings about not spending enough time with me even though I never pressure him to spend time with me, and in fact I encourage him to spend time with his friends. After I talked it through with him he said that I had made him feel better about everything he had been stressing about and he asked if he could just take back the whole breaking up with me thing. I've been feeling really insecure since then. I don't want to do anything to make him want to leave me, but at the same time I don't want to be in a relationship where I have reason to worry all the time. What do you think?

I'm with you on the "I don't want to be in a relationship where I have reason to worry all the time." My situation is way dif, I am married and not about to give up, and things are getting better every day, because we now talk. This is just IMHO, but I would sit him down and just talk...say look it bothers me that you keep saying you're gonna break my heart, that we won't last, whatever he's saying. Communication, you'll find is the #1 thing in a good relationship, again IMHO, and once you communicate to him that you don't want to be in a relationship where you are scared about him leaving all the time, he will be forced to make a final move. That's how I see it, I could be wrong. GL tho!

[ncguynva]

Originally Posted by Umm_kelly

I don't want to be in a relationship where I have reason to worry all the time.

The main reason I am leaving my wife who cheated on me. Especially with my military career, I can't have something like that on my mind.

[salukigirl]

honestly, no matter how good of friends you were before, relationships arent supposed to be like that in the first month or 2. in less than 2 months youve already had 2 breakup threats? no matter the reason, if hes going to threaten and attempt to break up rather than talk it out it doesnt sound worth it. find yourself a guy who wont take his own insecurities out on you and your relationship.