i have trust issues. pretty big ones. i have trouble making friends and my standards of "friends" are higher then those of most people- i more consider people my acquaintances rather then friends, but i'll use the word "friend" with people because everyone uses it.

the thing is, i don't really have friends. i'm withdrawn, quiet, weird, and i don't actively seek out people to chat with. i'm too shy to contact someone privately to talk or hang out or whatever, so i don't. if i'm too shy to contact people, i'm not going to get any further in friendship.

and even if someone else took the initiative to always be the one to contact me and be the more active person in a friendship, why would they want to? i'm scared and discouraged easily, someone can say one thing and i'll misread it completely and think they hate me. there are people who i truly am sure hate me, but i tend to think everyone does.

how do you be a good friend? what is a good friend? i'm frankly not really worth the effort and i know friendship is supposed to be a two way street. i'm not accustomed to asking for a lot from people i'm close-ish to, and i'm not good at helping someone when they need it, i never find words and as a result, it comes off as i don't care or i can't be bothered with another person's problems. i don't know how to be a "friend".

[tat2doc]

Friendships start when someone says "Hey, I didn't know you liked that." "I thought I was the only one." And it escalates from there. Doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, or kiss butt. You just have to have a common interest, and time to invest in a friendship.

I have over 10,000 acquaintances that I know nothing about really. Except that they like tattoos, and I give tattoos. And for 30 minutes or so, we have something in common that we can talk about. Even though I've heard all the questions they ask 100 times before.

If you have something in common with someone else, and talk to each other, you may find you have a few other things in common. If not, what have you really lost?

Friends? I have only a handful. I know them and they know me. What's mine is theirs and vice versa. Those people, I call Bros. And we're always there for each other. Even if we disagree, we're there.

And that my friend, took years to cultivate.

[Miss Laura]

How to be a friend

My rule is be yourself.

I am really good at making friends but i am rubbish at keeping them. My best friend said the other day her mum always said "smile and be happy, people do not want to be around a miserable person. They want to be around happy smiley people who make them feel good about themselves"

It has taken me since my last best friend which was nearly 10 years ago to find my best friend at the moment. I just act like me. I have stopped tryignt o impress people. I am naturally shy, not really into social situations but i am willing to open my mind to things i do not like. My mate has took me out a few times and although i have not danced on the dancefloor, i have had a fab time. I am in my friend's company and she is a fab friend. She also introduced me to her mate from her home town. We are like twins we are so alike. My mate said to me before i met her mate "you will love her, she is like you and you guys will hit it off straight away" How right was she. So through my friend i have met and made a new friend too and i could not be happier.

Just be yourself, if people do not like the way you are then they are certainly not worth it. People will like you for who you are not a false person

Hope this helps

[turquoisesea]

1. being yourself

2. caring for the friend

3. trying to communicate as best you can to foster a healthy friendship

so, maybe just be as open as you can with your friends, if you dont have the words to say something, maybe you could say " I dont know how to say what I want to say, but" then add something about the specific situation to show that you DO care.

hope that helped , dunno if it did

[creshenda]

Have you ever seen the anime series "Welcome to the NHK"?

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Miss Laura!

I totally agree with being yourself. When I think about some of my past friendships, there have been times when I haven't always been true to myself -- in the sense that I faked some things about my behavior, personality, and likes/dislikes just to keep the friendship going.

Still... in such situations...I think that even bad friendships can serve as a teaching tool -- not only in discovering things about yourself but also in discovering what it is you want in your friends.

For example... are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you like big social gatherings or do you prefer smaller social get-togethers?

What sort of activities do you enjoy? These are all things to consider when it comes to developing a friendship.

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

How to be a friend

My rule is be yourself.

I am really good at making friends but i am rubbish at keeping them. My best friend said the other day her mum always said "smile and be happy, people do not want to be around a miserable person. They want to be around happy smiley people who make them feel good about themselves"

It has taken me since my last best friend which was nearly 10 years ago to find my best friend at the moment. I just act like me. I have stopped tryignt o impress people. I am naturally shy, not really into social situations but i am willing to open my mind to things i do not like. My mate has took me out a few times and although i have not danced on the dancefloor, i have had a fab time. I am in my friend's company and she is a fab friend. She also introduced me to her mate from her home town. We are like twins we are so alike. My mate said to me before i met her mate "you will love her, she is like you and you guys will hit it off straight away" How right was she. So through my friend i have met and made a new friend too and i could not be happier.

Just be yourself, if people do not like the way you are then they are certainly not worth it. People will like you for who you are not a false person

Hope this helps

[Miss Laura]

Hey Peppermint_Patty

Thanks, Ye definatley just be yourself. No matter who you are, you will always have a good quality in you to be a decent person.

I have had a bad relationship with a girl who i thought was a friend and a best friend at that. However she just wanted to use me. I found out the hard way. This has opened my mind up to the fact that people are not always as they seem. She was an awesome mate and we did alot of things together. But within 3 months she was a complete and utter *****. She just used me as i was shy and an easy target. She was a work colleague before i left my job. Our other colleagues all could not understand how we became friends. As we are so different. So now i am more cautious about who i am friends with. Like my best mate now is just the complete opposite to my last mate. She is someone who is similar to me. We have a lot in common. I met her through my work. She is someone who "gets" me. All my issues she gets and still likes me. Even though i am a complete idoit she still likes me. My relationship with her is far better than my previous friendship.

I think friendships are the weirdest relationships to have. You either have a close friend or a milllion friends. I am lucky i have found a close friend who likes me for who i am. She is trying to get me to open up a bit more and to chill out a bit more. But apart from that she likes me for me. Not because she has to.

Hope this helps

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Miss Laura,

I experienced a similar situation with a work colleague/friend. In my case the friend started backstabbing me.

Anyway... I don't know about friendships being the "weirdest relationships to have" (your words, btw) but I think that as far as relationships go, they are definitely a heck of a lot more complicated when you are adult.

Developing friends when I was a kid was sooooo freakin' easy!!!! All one had to do was look around for somebody on the school playground.

It seems like friendships as an adult are nothing but soap opera drama.

Sometimes I wonder if they are worth the effort, but then I come across people who help me to forget the toxic friends I've had.

Anyway... kudos to you on your new friend. Hopefully this will be a long lasting friendship.

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey Peppermint_Patty

Thanks, Ye definatley just be yourself. No matter who you are, you will always have a good quality in you to be a decent person.

I have had a bad relationship with a girl who i thought was a friend and a best friend at that. However she just wanted to use me. I found out the hard way. This has opened my mind up to the fact that people are not always as they seem. She was an awesome mate and we did alot of things together. But within 3 months she was a complete and utter *****. She just used me as i was shy and an easy target. She was a work colleague before i left my job. Our other colleagues all could not understand how we became friends. As we are so different. So now i am more cautious about who i am friends with. Like my best mate now is just the complete opposite to my last mate. She is someone who is similar to me. We have a lot in common. I met her through my work. She is someone who "gets" me. All my issues she gets and still likes me. Even though i am a complete idoit she still likes me. My relationship with her is far better than my previous friendship.

I think friendships are the weirdest relationships to have. You either have a close friend or a milllion friends. I am lucky i have found a close friend who likes me for who i am. She is trying to get me to open up a bit more and to chill out a bit more. But apart from that she likes me for me. Not because she has to.

Hope this helps

[madisgram]

griffe that is a good question you asked. i'm glad you stuck out your neck a bit to see what kind of answers you'd get.
being a friend...first of all it sounds like to me you have a low self image that gets in your way. of course you have things of value to offer to a friendship. you just need to find out what they are! do u care about others when they are feeling down? do you enjoy doing nice things for other people? what interests do you have? sports, history, cars, hiking, music,etc.
so i believe you could do a list of things about yourself...things you like about yourself. that may be challenging cause you think so little of your "self" but you will find qualities if you look and be honest with yourself. before you will know how to learn to be a good friend you will need to learn how to be a good friend to yourself.
being a good friend...caring, sharing, listening to others, being there when they're up and when they're down, being interested in their life not just yours. these are a few that come to mind about how we can be a good friend to someone. there are many others. but the key for you is for you to learn to like yourself first. then the rest will follow.
as far as your shyness goes...everybody is different so don't be hard on yourself about this. some of it may be because you are unsure of yourself. that is part of the journey...knowing who you are first.
good luck and keep us posted. do that list!!! it will help you, i promise.