[selfy]

ok.

so YET AGAIN im the problem its me being an attention seeker, im the one whos being bad. doesnt occur to you to perhaps question WHY i dance around i sing i dress pretty i neowm like a ****ing plane does it? maybe i DO want attention. whys that do you think? perhaps its something to do with the fact that otherwise id be ignored and alone. im sick of being alone, its awful. and i try to pretend im happy so that you dont run away cuz u think im pathetic and im alone again. but then yknow. in the end i end up overcompensating and acting childing and you think THATS pathetic. and im attention seeking of course cuz i talk to you about how im scared for lucas, i try to tell you about how i miss terry, and none of you give a flying ****. none of you care enough to even work out whats going on in my head, none of you care enough to consider that i lost the only person who i trusted enough to love, who didnt love me, and i lost one of the most beautiful girls ive known. i miss terry, i could sit and talk to her and she was mature, she was gorgeous, she was intelligent. she told me i was a good person. and she made me feel like she wanted me around. is it so hard to say in the morning, 'hi, how are you?' and if i say 'fine,' and you know im not, why leave it? i dont. if someones not fine and they say they are i say bollocks tell me. because i give a ****. why is it i sat there and hugged you and told you you were perfect and you were great the way you are and i cleaned you up and i tucked you into bed and i stopped beaver doing anything stupid because he felt useless and i tried to sort out joe and i try and try and try but none of it matters. because people notice me. and you dont like it. i do make people notice me. because im lonely. noone listens to me or wants to listen to me when i say 'i hurt.' because im just being pathetic. course i am. cuz i dont matter. and i couldnt possibly be in pain.

oops. i didnt really intend for it to turn into a rant.

[I_WMD]

Holy !%#* HIT The Fan Batman ,,,, [ LOL ] .

Selfy ? ,, Your mindful insight is Most cherished by >>> [ I Know By Myself ] ,

100% A L W A Y S !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have known each other for about 2 years now ..... For being my Friend .

I know I use to [ sometimes wondering ] ,,, if you were a 33 year old ,, burnt - out Therapist . LOL.
But Selfy ,,,,, You DO !! , have one of the most B I G G E S T >> and Even Stronger >>sense of Humor ???? [ meant Loyalty ].

Having met You My coolio Young Friend ,, Fills me with awe , and I am soooooooooooooo Honored to be considered by You a Friend also .

Corky. {{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs till you say " Corky I can't Breathe " }}}}}}}}}}}

[selfy]

thankyou cork. im just ****ed off that i was stupid enough to believe that anyone in school could wanna spend time with me.

sick and tired of trying so hard to stop people running away and yet it still happens. im always the bad guy. and the only people who give a flying **** are too far away.

*huggles*

((( dot ))) i haven't spoken to you in a long time, but i offer good wishes none the less.

[selfy]

oh vince thankyou its been too long to be honest, how are you doing?
i hope your life is giving you some slack.
*huggles*