[notsohot]

Hi, I need some advice from men and women. I've talked with a professional, and I didn't get a very good answer. He told me that my hubby is immature and doesn't respect women.

Here's the deal...

I catch him sending emails, using his work email account (government job), with semi-pornographic pictures of trashy looking skinny girls.

He talks to his work friends about our personal life! Which I clearly told him, I don't like.

I once gave him a lap dance, thinking he'd enjoy it. And he didn't! He basicaly said "meh! It wasn't like a real lap dance."

He tells me I'm boring in bed. He wants me to more enthusiastic and watch porno movies.

He complains he doesn't "get it" enough. But, he also complains that I don't ask for sex the right way! Is there a wrong way to ask for sex? It's not like I'm aggressive, just a friendly "I'm in the mood" gesture or comment.

Any verdicts?

I'm 8 years younger than him, and am a hot tall blond, and he's average with a son and an ex-wife. Sometimes I think he married me because I'm attractive, intelligent and make good money. And maybe he thought I'd be the little porn star he's always dreamed of... which will NEVER happen!

HELP! am I thinking clearly? Or am I picky?

[madisgram]

i think you thinking very clearly. i'm not sure what's going on with your hubby but this has got to hurt you a lot and definitely it's not helping your relationship. if it were me i'd seek out a therapist or counselor-marital-to help guide you thru this difficult time. you need support and also your hubby needs help, i believe, but i'm not sure based on what u posted if he would agree. have you asked him if you all could seek help together to mend the relationship?
oops...and welcome to pc!!!

[ihateit]

Originally Posted by notsohot

Hi, I need some advice from men and women. I've talked with a professional, and I didn't get a very good answer. He told me that my hubby is immature and doesn't respect women. Hrrrm, T doesn't seem very supportive...maybe a change in T might be in order, just imho.

Here's the deal...

I catch him sending emails, using his work email account (government job), with semi-pornographic pictures of trashy looking skinny girls. Not sure I agree with you looking at his email, I believe in privacy, work email or not, it's still his, but since you have lol...have you talked to him and asked him why he does this?

He talks to his work friends about our personal life! Which I clearly told him, I don't like. So, you're saying if he has a problem, and he doesn't feel he can't talk to you about it, he can't tell anyone? I would assume, as for a lot of ppl, their best friends are ppl they work with. Ok, the other side of the coin, if he just goes to work and slags you off, that's another thing, or tells everyone what's up, then no, that's a little TMI. I talk to my close friends about my relationship, my wife knows and doesn't mind, everyone needs an outlet.

I once gave him a lap dance, thinking he'd enjoy it. And he didn't! He basicaly said "meh! It wasn't like a real lap dance." Ok, here I DO see a problem...if my wife gave me a lap dance, I'd be exstatic, well, sexually lol. There does seem to be something up here. Again, did you talk to him about it, or just accept his meh and walk away?

He tells me I'm boring in bed. He wants me to more enthusiastic and watch porno movies. Are you boring? I'm not being mean LOL, please don't take it that way, but laying there, then done, well, tell ya what, not fun. I am in no way insinuating you are boring in bed, so plz don't think that, but, I know for me, if the woman isn't into it, and yes we can tell, I'd rather not. Men are visual, we can see if you're into it or not, and for me, as I have gotten older, I like for both parties to be interested. There's an old saying, "Pizza is pizza, even if it's bad you're gonna eat it!"...well, it used to be like that, but now, I'd pass on the bad pizza, but this is me, I am not everyone. As for the porno, hrrm...Some ppl like that kind of excitement, but if he HAS to watch that crap to even get excited, then something is up yes.

He complains he doesn't "get it" enough. But, he also complains that I don't ask for sex the right way! Is there a wrong way to ask for sex? It's not like I'm aggressive, just a friendly "I'm in the mood" gesture or comment. Yeah, kinda...it's hard to explain. It's the whole bored with the sex thing. Walking up and saying, "Wanna &$*#", would be kinda rude lol, unless you were doing it like sexy...see, hard to explain.

Any verdicts?

I'm 8 years younger than him, and am a hot tall blond, and he's average with a son and an ex-wife. Sometimes I think he married me because I'm attractive, intelligent and make good money. And maybe he thought I'd be the little porn star he's always dreamed of... which will NEVER happen! If you love him, what's wrong with being your husband's "porn star"...not saying you have to do everything they do, coz, well, that would be nasty, but what you do behind closed doors is up to you guys. I am getting a sense that you aren't into love making maybe? Maybe I'm wrong, prolly am, usually am lol.

HELP! am I thinking clearly? Or am I picky? I think you are def thinking clearly, but you need to have a talk with him and let him know what's up. My usual communication is #1 in keeping a good relationship going, if he doesn't know how you feel and you don't know why he does what he does, and no one bothers to find out, things could go south fast.

And...Welcome to PC!

GL and God bless!