[horsecab]

I guess some people are meant to spend their lives alone. I seem to be one. I was sexually abused by an older sister when I was little, and had abandonment issues with my mom. So subconsciously I've tried to recreate relationships with women all my life to overcome these issues. That only has attracted me to women who will use me, and reject me in the end. Even after years of therapy and I knowing why I do this, and how, I still do it subconsciously, and can't seem to stop it. After I turned 40 and another failed attempt with a woman, I just shut down everything and turned to drinking. I did that for 8 years, and all it led me to was a failed suicide attempt. Then, after stopping drinking and really dedicating myself to healing with a renewed commitment, after a few months I fall right back into the same attraction with a new woman. This one was just an internet relationship, but the exact same dynamics were there. Being used for her benefit, not really caring about me, and eventual rejection. Believe me, it hurts just the same as irl. I am Avoidant Personality disorder, so I have a hard time connecting with anyone in person, let alone women. Trying to meet a woman via internet is impossible at my age now. I just turned 50, and all woman want are younger guys. Online dating sites have women listing age ranges for instance, a 47 year old woman, seeking guys 35-49. It's so stupid, cause all they are doing is relying on their mental image of what a number means to them without caring to get to know a person for who he is. I feel so cheated by this kind of attitude cause I was born with a baby face and when I was younger this always worked against me. When I was 24 I looked 17, and so women weren't interested in a guy that still looked like he was in high school. So I would like to think I could take advantage of my baby face now, cause I still look much younger than 50. Just a couple months ago I was on an outing with a group of people and noticed a very cute girl who couldn't have been any older than her late 20's eying me quite a bit. Do I dare approach her? No. For one thing cause I'm avoidant and the anxiety is murder, for another because I know I'll be rejected anyway once she finds out how old I am, and that's a bit younger than I'm looking for anyway. But dang, my dad was ten years older than my mom, and my brother's wife right now is 14 years younger than him! Both my dad and brother had children over the age of 50. I don't know if I would want children, but it would be nice to think I could still have the option.

My baby face doesn't do me much good online where I find it much easier to talk and get to know a woman. You can't really tell from pictures that I look that much younger, and like I said earlier, everyone has their own mental picture of what a 50 year old is suppose be and look like. Even women my own age or older are hesitant with me cause I look much younger. It just doesn't seem to be worth the effort any longer. I may as well just give up and forget women.

[Capp]

horsecab,
I'm truly sorry that you have been hurt again...

Perhaps you can "give up" for awhile and rest your heart. You've been through so much and maybe some quiet time will help.
I suggest it only because it has served me well when I'm hurting.

You are a worthwhile and beautiful human being. You deserve to be treated with respect, and have your needs met by a loving woman. That you haven't found her yet doesn't mean you won't...
At some point, you will be able to discern who is "real" and who is using you. It already sounds like you are aware of the problem and you are willing to take the steps necessary to change things.

Don't be so hard on yourself, please. You are so kind and supportive of others; be doubly kind towards yourself.

Peace and Power,
Cap

[madisgram]

((((HC)))) sending you lots of hugs your way . like cap said, i know it hurts in a big way but maybe you just haven't met "miss right" either...u sound like a really wonderful guy...please try to "get back up on that horse" in a while and try again...sometimes we look in the wrong places or don't know what are the "red flags." have u discussed this with your T. i was in an abusive marraige and finally got away from him. i didn't want to ever miss the warning signs of a "taker" again. in therapy i learned some really useful tools. i wish you the very best, horsecab. we do know u matter and u are improtant to us.

first let me say Im sorry you were hurt.

I think you can find love on the net. I do think you have to be very careful thou.
You have to get to know the person and slow it down to normal speed so to say. As the net is fast. IRL Im sure you can met someone too, Just be honest with who you are how old you are.
Looks imo should not even be a issue. Its who ppl are inside that matters
Take your time , when the right person comes along IRL or where ever you will know.
also what ((capp )) and ((madisgram))) said
best wishes to you

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((((((((((horse)))))))))))))))))))
well i have no problems with older man...
if u in my state
dont give up someday u will find that women...