[grammee]

i've been married 31 yrs, my husband brought home from a business trip pictures of his new friend

That would depend on many things ie, state of my marriage, male or female, type of photos, how he talks about them etc.

[grammee]

Originally Posted by Tishie

That would depend on many things ie, state of my marriage, male or female, type of photos, how he talks about them etc.

Tishie, I guess my marriage would be considered o.k. (nothing to brag about) he was out of the country working, he said this so called translator was a picture happy taken women. the pictures was of:
1) her standing in front of him with his arms around her, really close
2) setting really close beside each other with her hand on his leg
3)setting @ a table her feeding him
4) group picture, with her in front with his arm on her shoulder and another persons shoulder
5)on location, just standing really close with his arm around her
6)another group picture, his hand on her leg
get the picture? he told me there are more but I cant get them.
he said she wanted to blackmail him with the pictures if he did not keep in contact with her. he secretly set up an e-mail account and she was e-mailing him. missing him soooooooooooo much, DEAR, cant wait to hear from him. wondering why he had not answered his phone, I found out confronted him, I started acting like him on line, I got her to give me her phone #, I called her, she said They connected, he showed her a really nice time and they are real good friends! He told me that he was told to go with the flow from the Co. he was working with. he also said the pictures meant nothing and she means nothing. This mess has taken over my life, he says get over it, I'm trying, but years ago he cheated on me, and I know he lies to me. yes, after all these years I luv him but at this point I do not like him nor do I trust him. leaving is not an option. I'm just messed up in the head over this and found this site and thought I would get other women's views. thanks for listening.

[grammee]

Originally Posted by Tishie

That would depend on many things ie, state of my marriage, male or female, type of photos, how he talks about them etc.

Tisha, my marriage isnt somthing to brag about, the photos are what's driving me crazy,
1) setting @ a table, looks like she was almost in his lap with his arm around her, one his hand was on her leg, looks like he was whispering in her ear. another her hand on his leg
2)alot of close up pictures with their faces touching, looks like she took those pictures. they are too close up.
3) their are 2-that make me want to throw up. the worst is "them standing on a pier" her in front of him and his arms wraped tightly around her with his head on her shoulder with their cheecks touching. her back and the front of his body are too close for my comfort and a man is a man, you know what I mean?
the other one they are setting at a table, his arms around her and her hand on his leg and she was feeding him somthing.
after I found the pictures, I did talk to him, he said the Co. he was there for told him to "go with the flow" the job was very inportant. this women was the interrupter and I dont believe he needed to "go with the flow with her" he then told me that she was looking for a way to the States and told him that if he didnt keep in contact with her she would black mail him with the pictures. this doesnt make sense, cause I already found the pictures, my question was how can she black mail him? then............I found his secret e-mail address, so I e-mailed her acting like I was him. I got her phone # so i called her and asked her what the situation was, her response was that they are very good friends, they connected very fast and that he showed her a very nice time.I asked her if she knew he was married and she said yes. this is really driving me to the crazy house. I have found so much out about her that I think I know her better than he does. my so called hubby says I have nothing to worry about. I'm not really worried, I'm hurt and can not get that threw his head. @ this point I luv him but I cant stand him. I just found this site and thought maybe someone else has gone threw this and wondered how they handled it. My trust in him is gone.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by grammee

Tishie, I guess my marriage would be considered o.k. (nothing to brag about) he was out of the country working, he said this so called translator was a picture happy taken women. the pictures was of:
1) her standing in front of him with his arms around her, really close
2) setting really close beside each other with her hand on his leg
3)setting @ a table her feeding him
4) group picture, with her in front with his arm on her shoulder and another persons shoulder
5)on location, just standing really close with his arm around her
6)another group picture, his hand on her leg
get the picture? he told me there are more but I cant get them.
he said she wanted to blackmail him with the pictures if he did not keep in contact with her. he secretly set up an e-mail account and she was e-mailing him. missing him soooooooooooo much, DEAR, cant wait to hear from him. wondering why he had not answered his phone, I found out confronted him, I started acting like him on line, I got her to give me her phone #, I called her, she said They connected, he showed her a really nice time and they are real good friends! He told me that he was told to go with the flow from the Co. he was working with. he also said the pictures meant nothing and she means nothing. This mess has taken over my life, he says get over it, I'm trying, but years ago he cheated on me, and I know he lies to me. yes, after all these years I luv him but at this point I do not like him nor do I trust him. leaving is not an option. I'm just messed up in the head over this and found this site and thought I would get other women's views. thanks for listening.

you should learn from Hillary Clinton!!!! Even US president is cheating...what should we do?
My boy friend in front of my eyes were hitting on another girl...and I didn't complain...I just told him, I want to go home and he dumped me!!!!
what can I do? just keep my dignity and proud and not contacting him....
but you are married to him, that's a total different thing....just be careful, he doesn't give you any STDs....and for sure, you have to make yourself busy and not think about him....when he sees your distance and when he sees you don't really care about him....he will die to get your attention back....trust me....trust me...guys are like that...all of them...no matter of their race or education or age...they act the same way....
make yourself busy with something that you always wanted to do....then that hobby would act like your boyfriend and he will get jealous out of it....he married you and he wants you more than anything else....yes, he's right that the other woman doesn't mean anything....he had a history with you....and you are the one....what he did to you is really mean and unkind and for sure you are not going to give him any prize and love for that....

good luck
Marjan

What would I do hmmm, tricky one.

Since he has been open and let you talk to her on the phone I think its safe to assume nothing much happend. He needs to be told how out of order he is and for you to 'get over it' will take time because he had an affair some years ago.

[lynn P.]

Hi Grammee,
I know exactly how you feel. You can read my post- just key in polygamist marriage and you can read it. I too feel it would be hard to get out of the marriage. I was wondering why you feel you can't get out . My reasons are financial, what's yours?
What's irritates me the most is why women do this to each other. If I was single I would never want a man whose was taken already. I wouldn't want to hurt another woman like that. I feel like people don't have morals anymore. I really hate men like this and wonder is there any man who doesn't do this. I wonder how he would feel if you had an affair. Hmmmmmmm.
I feel with you , I really do.

[Pomegranate]

What I would do is start preparing myself for divorce. I would assess my situation, then start taking steps, as small or large, fast or slow, as I was comfortable with to start the process. That might include therapy for myself and/or martial counseling. Not to save the marriage - though who knows?! - but to get help in ending the marriage in as constructive a way as is possible. I would also start preparing myself financially and I would of course, at the appropriate time, seek legal counsel.

What YOU should do, I can't answer that. But it's a painful situation to be in. Good luck.

[AAAAA]

I would talk to my husband about what was going on. If I was not satisfied with his answers I'd demand marriage councelling. If he refused I would leave. Why is leaving not an option?