[mdavis5766]

So, I've finally gotten over a nasty break-up from a guy that I was with for 2 1/2 years and I met this really great guy that actually made me forget about my ex. But last night I asked the question about his past relationship. First off, we both really like each other but neither of us are looking for a serious relationship at the moment, my reasoning is because I'm enjoying my independence after being with someone for so long, and his reasoning because he and his ex are still communicating and he feels that their relationship is fixable, and he may consider going back to it. He says he doesn't want to be mixed up with someone, and then he considers goinh back to the ex and hurt the other person's feelings. But from what he was telling me, it was a complicated relationship, but on the other hand with us, we have a lot in common and he makes me laugh and smile a lot. When I asked him why does he like me, he told me that he liked my personality. I really like him, but how do I make him forget about his ex girl, and think about me more?

[bonaire]

"how do I make him" is not a great way to go about life (IMO) especially when it comes to relationships. Your story sounded great up until I read that last line. It was full of truth and honesty. Well, if you're honest - you come out and say "I want a relationship with you - do you think that will happen?" In another way - you are saying what you want rather than making him *do* what you want. That's more natural.

Time is your friend here. Spend time with him and if the relationship will happen. The best relationships are not forced.

[ArianeB]

I can't agree more - when someone else, especially an ex girlfriend, is in the picture, time is very important. You wouldn't want to make him feel that you forced his decision. I had one boyfriend who I met when I was in another relationship, and I'll remember forever how patient he was and how great our friendship was. By the time we got together, we had a really lovely bond. It was worth the wait.

[lynn P.]

Hi,
I agree 100% with what bonaire said. You shouldn't be trying to convince him to forget about his ex. All you can do is tell him that you care for him. What ever decision he comes to, will have to come from him. I think it'es nice that he's being honest with you and that's admirable. Best of luck.

[marjan]

ya...you can't force yourself to others...that doesn't work really....it may work temporary, but not in long term....
so, just be honest with him and tell him about your feelings and let it be....wait to see how things will go....
It looks like he has feelings for his ex and that's sad, but what can you do?
My ex boyfriend was like this, but I was the other woman....the one who was ex and he wanted me back....He told the new girl too...and I met the new girl....I felt horrible, because I knew how much my ex boyfriend loves me....and the reason we weren't together was just because I moved to California for a job and I didn't want to move back to Toronto....now you understand what I mean....He had her just as a backup....but he was honest with her....and he told her about me....we never got back togehter, just I met him whenever I'm back home....however, I don't have plan to see him anymore, because I don't want to mess around with his life....but I alwasy feel so bad for that girl....the last news was that he dumped her and went with another girl! so sad....I felt that girl has just forced herself to him...it was good temporary, but not in long term....
I don't say that your relationship is the same, but watch out, you dont' want to get hurt....let him to get over the ex first! and it should be his call....