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#1
Mar 10, 2009, 05:26 PM
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I'm new here and not sure I'm in right forum but need to find some help. I have been married for almost 20 years and have never doubted that I love my husband. I came into our marriage with some trust issues because of how I was raised and through our marriage my husband has told me a few lies. The lies were small and pointless but made my trust problems worse. I forgave him but had a hard time forgetting. He has always been a wonderful husband and father. On March 5th, out of nowhere, he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore. That he had been trying for two weeks to feel love for me but just couldn't. We have talked and he says he isn't for sure what caused it but does know what didn't cause it. He says it's not anything that I have done but that he feels that I deserve better then him, someone who will put me on a pedestal. I love him very much and told him that he has always been all I ever needed but he acts as if he doesn't believe me. He says he feels confused like being in a fog, he has lost weight, isn't sleeping very well. He says that he wants to feel for me what he once did but doesn't know how he lost it or how to get it back. Does this sound like depression to anyone or maybe something else? Like I said it seemed to have come out of nowhere and he is as confused and I am. Please any advice would be wonderful, I don't want to get a divorce but I don't know what to do or even what I am dealing with.
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#2
Mar 11, 2009, 07:00 AM
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hi dalynn
 so glad you posted here and shared with us what's going on. after reading this post i do feel your hubby might benefit from talking with a therapist or counselor of some sort to see what's is going on with him. i'm not qualified to diagnose but do feel that something may be going on like depression. it sounds like you two love each other very much. so i can see why you are baffled by his thoughts about divorce. another suggestion: perhaps marital counseling would help to identify what's going on with your hubby.i'm sorry i can't be of more help but hope the others will post some of their thoughts to guide you.  we all care about you and you do matter. thanks for letting us be supportive of you and hopefully your hubby too.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#3
Mar 12, 2009, 06:36 PM
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#4
Mar 12, 2009, 06:58 PM
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I would give him some space and see how it goes....sometimes, people need to have that space to realize who they are and what they want in their life....don't be sad or scared....there is nothing wrong with you....time will help you both to get over this....
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#5
Mar 13, 2009, 07:46 AM
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it may take some time for the cymbalta to kick in so tell your hubby to not discouraged. some anti-depressants take up to about 21 days to reach their theraputic level. sometimes one has to try several different meds too to find the one that helps them the most. so it's trial and error but i found with patience we found the ones that really helped me tremendously and now my life is so enriched.good news too about the counselling. it sounds like you two have a loving relationship that got detoured with hubby's depression. the therapy should help you all untangle all the feelings and misunderstandings, if any, that has gotten you all to this place. hope u will keep us posted. we care about you and your hubby.
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand |
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#6
Mar 13, 2009, 11:22 AM
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Counseling can be a tremendous help in separating issues for both of you. It will take some effort, but it's well worth it when the relationship is strengthened and renewed... Madisgram is right about it taking time for the Cymbalta to make a difference in his mood. I obviously don't know details of your life, but it may be helpful for your husband to start walking for half an hour a day...or whatever his physical condition will handle. It can help improve his mood anyway and it would continue to help when the med reaches therapeutic levels. It would also give him alone time, and sometimes this can clear the head, so to speak. I would like to ask if your physician ran any blood work? Sometimes there are physical conditions that mimic depression or cause it--example is a low-functioning thyroid. Jme, but many times a man at this stage of their lives begin questioning their worth, their successes and failures, wondering what their future holds, and becoming aware that something isn't right but they cannot verbalize it. This is where counseling can help him work through these things if it's part of his depression... My best wishes to you and your husband, Cap
__________________
The most dangerous enemy is the one in your head telling you what you do and don't deserve. ~~unknown~~ http://capp.psychcentral.net |
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#7
Mar 16, 2009, 03:01 PM
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Hi Dalynn,
Glad to see your husband is getting help and you are supportive. Many times depression can put a damper on any relationship and make the person feel doubts. Another poster mentioned it would be good to check out other possible physical effects as well like thyroid. I'd like mention he should probably have his prostate checked as well. Problems in this area can cause sexual changes leading to a loss of feeling. You both sound like a loving couple. I hope he'll be feeling better soon.
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#8
Mar 17, 2009, 11:01 AM
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I'm so glad that you both took that huge leap forward....that your husband was able to admit how he feels and agree to get help. That is huge!
I too recommend that going to individual counseling as well as marriage counseling would be worthwhile..... ((( HUGS ))) Ria
__________________
Don't follow the path that lies before you. Instead, veer from the path - and leave a trail... 
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#9
Apr 03, 2009, 02:34 PM
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I really hope things work out for you. No one wants their loved ones to be depressed but at least that would offer an explanation as to why he so suddenly feels out of love. We are hear for you. Best of luck.
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