[kaorimaiko]

--this is very long just an FYI lol--

Okay so ive been diagnosed with anxiety and severe depression disorder.. just for some background..

anyway, im in a relationship that ive been in for three years. I met my boyfriend online, he lived in Connecticut and I live in North carolina. At the time I was going through a lot of crap with my ex boyfriend who I had been obsessed over prior to that, I was just getting over him and seeing what a jerk he was when I met my new boyfriend. I started talking to my new boyfriend (who wasnt my boyfriend at the time) and he helped me to stop talking to my ex and eventually I just stopped thinking about him and got over him completly. Well, this year me and my boyfriend finally met each other in person, we clicked but the whole time he was visting me I was worried over how I was acting, what I should do, how I should talk..blah blah blah..so basically I didnt take time to enjoy my experience with him. He asked me to marry him the second day he was here visting me and I said yes. When he went back to his home, a couple weeks later, I freaked out!!! I gave his ring back and we broke up, then got back together, then broke up again because I was questioning my feelings because my experience confused me. The second time we broke I wanted to really really be sure about my feelings so I went up to Connecticut to visit him. I was there for a while and discovered that I really did care about him but wasnt ready for marriage just yet. I calmed down and wasn't worried as much when I spent time with him. He made me happy just about the whole time... until two days before I was supposed to leave..

(let me just fill you guys in on the fact that he kind of looks like my ex boyfriend.. he's short like him about five foot three, with black hair and brown eyes, but he's totally different in many other ways)

One night when we were laying in bed, for some crazy reason (it was dark by the way) I was looking at him and couldnt see him well, but I pictured my ex's old haircut on my boyfriend, but I didnt mean to! It really freaked me out, I felt totally weird, and when I told him about it he got upset as I would be too if that happened the other way around. I felt so bad about it I could hardly look at him and I didnt understand why I would do that because I hate my ex!! He treated me like crap, he cheated on me the whole time, lied to me, used me for sex and never gave a damn about me at all! My boyfriend I have now treats me like gold and is wonderful to me, and is nothing like my ex on a personal level. The problem I have now and ever since that night is..

I cant stop thinking about my ex's face, he pops into my head all the time

(most the time I visualize hurting him in some way, I wouldnt really hurt anyone but it helps him go away) I talked to my boyfriend about it but he gets upset with me because doesnt want me comparing him to my ex, which I'm not, i'm just being haunted by the picture of his stupid face!!

its driving me nutss!!! what do I do, does anyone have any advice??

[Vlo1980]

Hey there!

Draw a picture of your ex and then you and your boyfriend can use it as a knife throwing target.

Just kiddn'

[Pomegranate]

Maybe Vlo isn't so far off. I don't know that you should involve your current boyfriend in this but maybe keeping a picture of both guys, that show the physical differences between them would be helpful. You can look at them, especially when you are with your current boyfriend, and note the differences.

More importantly, note the differences in their actions towards you. Maybe even write it all down. You can go over it and remind yourself that they are really 2 very different people.

Also just give yourself some time. Since you don't see your current boyfriend regularly because he lives out of state, it's understandable if there are physical similarities between them for you to get confused. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, let time and perhaps some of these techniques suggested and spending more time with him take care of the problem.