[ShannonDorothea]

It all started a few years ago when I was still in high school, I met one of the best friends I ever had - up until today. The year before I met her, my mother passed away and she was the only real friend to be there for me whenever I needed her, we also went on very nice vacation trips and she helped me a lot to get over my loss. I've never had any "real" friends until I met her, she trusted me and really liked me also, everything was fine, until that one day, where I overheard her being friendly with people we did not really like - or so I thought, she told me that she couldn't stand them, since they badmouthed me. But yet there she was talking to them in a very friendly manner. I never told her that I overheard the talk she had with them, and watched as she began building up a friendship with them until I couldn't take it anymore and just ended our friendship because I felt betrayed. I made the biggest mistake in not telling her why I ended our friendship, and it couldn't come to a worse time, it was a time when she needed me most, because she had big family problems at that time. 3 years later I ran into her coincidentally on the airport, we were on the same flight and there was no seat assignment, so I took place next to her, and started talking (to be honest I felt bad all the time, but noticed too late, I was still young and naive back then - which I very much regret today). I was so happy to talk to her again, but of course now there was that feeling of distance between us. Ever since that day we talk on and on on IM, we met a few times, and we talked about the past she said she would forgive me, but I can't forgive me for what I have done to her. Today I am a totally different person - if something disturbs me in a relationship I always come right out with what is on my mind. Back then I was the total opposite. If only I would have talked to her about the thing back then, things wouldn't have turned out the way they have now.. I will be moving away to another country soon, and would like to meet her one last time, and talk to her, because everytime I think about her I feel grief and sadness, I can't get over her even though I made new friends and have a very supportive partner. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I hope someone can give me a good advice

[Sally71487]

It is indeed a difficult situation. Sounds very similar to a situation i had in highschool. I was so close with this girl jenn and i did not have many friends back then either. We told each other everything and trusted each other and she went off and started talking and hanging out with these girls who made my life crap. I ended the friendship because i felt betrayed as well and i always regreted it. What you could do is just be compeletely honest with her, tell her how you feel. Tell her that you were sorry for what happened in the past and you know she forgives you but it has bothered you. Keep in touch with her through messages, You may be moving to another country, this doesnt mean visitations are not in order. My husband moved from another country to be with me and he still visits all of his old friends. A great way of communicating and staying close is letters. Not emails though they are great as well. But sending letters makes you feel like you are young again writing notes to each other about your life and how things are going and everyone loves recieving letters in the mail its exciting. I hope you all the best

[Martina]

I did something similar with two ex-best friends. I had one best friend from Kindergarten, she moved away with the military but we kept in contact as pen-pals. We were best friends, I shared everything with her. But then when I got to high school age I decided I was "better" that that, too old for a pen pal, so I just quit responding to her letters. She kept sending me letters but I stopped writing back. She sent me a wedding invitation a few years later, and I never responded. Now...I feel so bad. I wish I could go back and at least say I'm sorry so she would know why I quit writing back.

Then there was another friend that I was best friends with in elementary school, but once we got to high school I again felt like I was somehow "better" than her, and I didn't hang out with her anymore. But in her case - she tracked me down on Facebook a while ago, and we have been chatting and catching up. She is going through an eating disorder so we can relate in some ways - she's anorexic, I'm a binge eater / compulsive overeater that doesn't purge. Two opposite ends, but the same feelings of worthlessness. She has opened up a lot about her past. I still feel horrible for the way things went, but it's nice to have her back.

Anyway...it sucks how the past comes back to bite us in the arse, huh? But there's nothing you can do about the past - just live for the future.