[Umm_kelly]

What do you think about this? Are romantic relationships something that society has created? I pride myself in my odd ways of thinking. I’ve based friendships on a shared thought process. I don’t like the government, I don’t like society, and I don’t accept anything as the truth until I’ve seen it myself. All my life I’ve been told that someday I’m going to find someone and get married. Is that something that I personally truly want? Or is that something that I’ve been trained to want? Something I’ve been trained to miss in my life when I don’t have it? I have been on the brink of breaking down almost constantly these past few months because of my loneliness. I have craved someone by my side. Is it like an addiction? I would love to hear other’s opinions on this. It’s been making me feel like I’m losing my mind lately.

[lynn P.]

Hi,
I think you asked some very profound questions. It's possible that society has created the idea of romantic relationships. Look at the movie industry/Harlequin Books/ even fairytales. Many times as women we dream about being swept away by someone who madly loves us.
As far as being told you're going to find someone and get married - I think particularly 40yrs ago alot of women just assumed when they finished school they would get married and have kids. Even today many single people think of themselves as incomplete because they can't find a partner. You're right when you don't have one, it makes you more compelled to find one and then you start questioning what's wrong.
I think it's better to just relax and concentrate on making yourself a complete person. Think about what you really want and the qualities you think are important in a partner. Relationships are hard, especially as the years go on. There has to be a strong foundation because when the passion fades a little - there has to be something to lean on. All the best

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Kelly

Originally Posted by Umm_kelly

What do you think about this? Are romantic relationships something that society has created? I pride myself in my odd ways of thinking. I’ve based friendships on a shared thought process. I don’t like the government, I don’t like society, and I don’t accept anything as the truth until I’ve seen it myself. All my life I’ve been told that someday I’m going to find someone and get married. Is that something that I personally truly want? Or is that something that I’ve been trained to want? Something I’ve been trained to miss in my life when I don’t have it? I have been on the brink of breaking down almost constantly these past few months because of my loneliness. I have craved someone by my side. Is it like an addiction? I would love to hear other’s opinions on this. It’s been making me feel like I’m losing my mind lately.

I think marriage is a probably 90% a cultural thing and 10% a biological thing.

I say this because here in the USA.... the definition of marriage is very different from other parts of the world where marriages are often arranged and are viewed as financial transactions or as a way for a family to maintain or enhance its social status or power.

Still... with all that being said, I do feel that every human being has a biological need for companionship and to feel cared about by others.

However... one can obtain companionship and the feeling of being cared for without necessarily having a romantic relationship just by having close relationships with family and friends.

So what does this all mean??

Well IMHO.. I think the reason why society glorifies romantic/marital relationships is because these relationships are of a sexual nature, which means they have the ability to create offspring.

And where, oh where, would the human race be without the ability to create more human beings??? LOL, it would cease to exist.

However... beyond this ability to create offspring, Romantic/Marital relationships are really no different or even better than any other relationship.

All relationships, IMHO... are simply transactions... where one person communicates and interacts with another person (and vice versa) in the hopes that the other party will provide them with some sort of positive benefit or benefits.

Anyway that's just my $0.02 on the matter. It's a very interesting topic to ponder. Thanks for posting it. It gives me something to think about on this very rainy day in Midwest America.

Take care,

Peppermint Patty

[salukigirl]

i think divorce has more to do with biology than marriage lol

being a zoologist, i can't help but look at everything from a scientific point of view. i see "falling in love" as a phenomenon where our bodies trick us into feeling like that simply to procreate. because, if you look, most divorces now a days around around the 3rd year of marriage. when a child is 3-5 is when they start doing things for themselves; they go potty by themselves, they can eat without help etc... so not both parents are absolutely required to take care of them.

and if you look at it from an evolutionary standpoint, once the child becomes old enough to start taking care of themselves, its time to look for some better genes to possibly improve on the next generation. the whole point of evolution is to have as many fit offspring as possible and, logically, having children with one man and one woman your whole life is kind of stupid in that sense. because if those children turn out to not be "fit" by those standards, your whole blood line has been compromised.

so, personally, i think people are only "meant to be together" for maybe 3-5 years and thats when the rose-colored glasses wear off. but im not completely cynical. i like to believe in love at first sight, and being together forever. but that takes a lot of work. and just because society feels one way doesn't mean you have to.

luckily, were in an age now where women don't have to marry right out of high school. and its common for women to be single in college, and we don't go to college just to look for a husband anymore.

i think you should do whatever makes YOU happy. if marriage isn't included in that then so be it. marriage is almost totally societal. people 200,000 years ago were not getting married. its an invention of the modern man and it all has to do with power and control in society and in a relationship.

im sorry if i offended anyone with my rambling.

[reina29]

There are some very good thoughts here...

I used to think that I yearned to be in a relationship more than anything else. But everytime a relationship hits a couple years, the feeling wears off. I don't know if this just me or if it is universal. However, since I have a great partner, we have decided to open up our marriage instead of being miserable because the passion is gone. And just knowing that we are free to date and free to look (as long as we are communicative, honest and safe) has brought back the passion in our marriage. I think it is society's illusion that perpetuates being able to love only one person at a time. I feel capable of loving and giving myself to several people at a time and I do. Being married is not all it is cracked up to be - its really just a piece of paper. But being friends with and being partners with other honest loving human beings can be a wonderful thing.

[valexand]

We all crave companionship. So being together with someone fills us with the happy feelings of sharing. Now if that someone is a "steady" someone, then you get to tell him/her "hey, remember when..." and share more laughs together because you'll have same memories. I find this precious.

Now society and religion invented "marriage". Due to the fact that women were considered weaker, thus always needing to be taken care of -no job- and because they had the role of the baby-making machines....there had to be a contract that would "secure" them financially and make them also "the property"of their husbands. Now religion had to set some rules, boundaries and set this idea of marriage....so that people could narrow down the list of people they could have sex with....hahaha! Otherwise things would have gone crazy....hahaha!

Anyway, I know about the loneliness you are talking about. I feel it too. I don't miss the idea of "marriage". But I'm longing for companionship and for kids. I don't think society has anything to do with this feeling. I think it's biological. I need a companion and I'm curious to meet my kids! Society simply shuts up when they see me have all this AFTER wearing the white dress, etc.....if a party is all they need to shut up, sure, I'll do it!! hahaha! A 'copy-paste' life so that everybody can relax knowing that I'm not doing anything different from them.