Feeling miserable due to bf's mother

angelatby · May 09, 2009, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Malachite

Dear Angela,

It appears, the relationship between your boyfriend and his mother constitutes emotional incest, a.k.a., covert incest, psychic incest. Please, don't misunderstand. I am not suggesting there is a physical, sexual relationship, between your boyfriend and his mother. Rather, there is an emotional bond between the two, more reflective of husband and wife, than son and mother. I recommend, you learn all you can about the subject. There are many writings and publications regarding it.

Once, you have an understanding of their relationship, you may be able to enlighten him. Until then, your life with him will be miserable. You have a formidable task ahead of you, and would do well to enlist professional help.

I wish you the best,

Larry

Hi Larry,

Thank You for your post. Yeah, i think he and his mother really have some similarities, to the extend you jotted down they are resembling husband and wife. But my bf, no ... the way he treats his mother wont be similar to me, lol. However, is that important for me to find out what kind of constitution between him and his mother ?

As for his mother, she is expecting me to be like a mother to my bf... A mirror of what u was saying.. Gf and Bf becoming Mother and Son, lol. I dont want to be his mother. I definitely want to learn how to be a good Gf but not learning how to be his mother

Yes, i did notice on formal publications in regards to this issue, however thought that posting thread would be accumulating opinions from different people of different background. I appreciate all the opinions here.

Thanks Again and Have a Nice Day

angelatby · May 09, 2009, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Hi,
I think Lostnbigcity made some really good points. Before you finally make up your mind, you could try what she recommended. But if it doesn't improve after a reasonable time, then you'll have to realize you can't live forever turning the other cheek. Best of luck.

Yeah, certainly agree

Lately, i feel im a bit quiet towards my bf, as in this few days... I think i need to find my T. Cos i really dont know how to talk to him.. After Church today, he brought his mother along to find me. His mother bought a gift (not for me) and mentioned need to be wrapped.. I took the gift and what else, offered to wrap for her. They both went to a nearby coffeeshop, while i get the wrapping thing done. Dont misunderstand, im not complaining, is just that .. i feel like crying out loud..

I dont know how to express my feelings now

I really dont know ... i cant seem to be happy...
Im staying with my sister, she think i really have some serious emotional problems..

angelatby · May 09, 2009, 01:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jerrymichele

I'm just wondering what you think your bf would do, if you did tell his mother how you don't like the way she's treating you? Also is your bf the baby of the family? Have you two talked about marriage? If you do marry him and have kids. Have you thought about wanting your child by her. I really would not want any child by her. I think this lady has some serious issues.

Firstly, i wouldnt even think of approaching his mother to talk about this. THings would get complicated. MY bf, i would say he has been pampered since young. His mother still washing his clothes, is that consider ? Im not sure as i start washing my own at the age of 13. But, i dont think he is a baby boy because he respect his mum at times, and defend for himself at times. He knows what he should do as a son, not degrading the mum but also not totally listen to the mum.

Yes,we did talk about marriage, we have bought a house together. Is getting intense now... Thats why i would think i need to resolve this since i have decided to be with him. Im still very rationale, is just that i cannot be happy when i think about all the troubles.

Instead of setting time to listen to me, i feel sometimes he wants to be intimate.. No, i really not interested to make out at this time. I need him to comfort me, to make me feel im worthy before having intimacy or close to that. I think my romance period has drop. Or rather my sex desire. Im scared. I just want him to listen, and be patience towards me. He knows i have some emotional problems and he cannot stand if i cry... And there are many other things i worry about.

angelatby · May 09, 2009, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youOme

angel, i can really relate to you and your situation, seriously...it's kinda freaky. I really feel for you to, because it DOES hurt... it sucks. When my bf and I first moved in together we made the huge mistake of moving into the same complex as his mom and dad and let me say this (although it's an under statement) it was purely hell....everyday. They used me daily, driving my poor car into the ground. He didn't defend me neither, and I was angry with him all the time too. He let his Mom, whose very controlling, disrupt our lives. I am a dominating woman, and that status was taken from me when I moved there. The woman told me every chance she had that she would never like the women her oldest son was with and EVERYDAY she talked about his wife... mentioning even the most unnecessary information, like their sex lives for example. I swear the woman was trying to drive me away.... but I didn't let her. I love my boyfriend I was willing to fight for my stance in our lives, and NOW (after moving to a different town) we have OUR lives back.

After much discussion with m bf about his mom and making him aware of how disruptive she was to our lives... he's puttin his foot down. It took a hell of a lot of work too. I pretty much made it clear to him, either it was OUR lives... me and him making our own decisions.... or he could go live with his mother. He made the right decision as far as I am concerned. We're happier now...thank goodness.

What I recommend for you hun is to make your stance in your life and to not let that woman run your emotions the way she does everything else. You have to be strong to take control of your life, and that means your relationship as well. If your bf is not willing to stand by your side and support you, then he has to go. You can't live unhappily like this.

I really do hope everything gets better for you.... I do know how you feel.

Hi YouOMe,

Ohh, im so sorry to hear about this. While reading, i definitely feeling it too.. But YouOMe, i dont think i can make it like what you did. I will try but it is not that simple. Everytime when facing the same thing, all i would do is cry day and night... As mentioned by LostNBigCity, i should be more steady, i shouldnt even show it out that im a loser. Otherwise they will take advantage and my bf will get frustrated and in a very hard position. I might even drive him away.

I really thankful for your sharing and feel happy for you that you made it !

I do hope that your partner and his parents' relationship isnt sour. THe best would be his family finally thought it through and you guys can finally get along... Just like LostNBigCity story

I know my bf love me a lot, but he does respect his mum to a certain degree. He wants us to be able to talk and communicate. He is a perfectionist. He wouldnt let anybody down... So, sometimes a bit tough for me as i hurt easily. He begged me to be strong.

Yeah, we love our men and we wish to do something out of it. I hope i can pull through this ordeal

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Feeling miserable due to bf's mother

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