[artie]

For most of my adult life I've usually had only one friend, it just seemed the right way to do it, show them they're special or something. Over time I have developed quite a dark view of friends, manipulative, abusive, competitive, because that's how these characters always eventually seem to become.

I was just reading a psychology book recommending that in relationships "strength comes from connection" predatory people try to isolate you from everyone else in order to be effective.

I was thinking maybe I've been getting all this nonsense from my friends because they think (probably unconciously) I am vulnerable because I'm alone. I don't recall much best-friend abuse when I've had lots of friends, maybe people usually (unconciously) avoid being abusive when they know you'll tell everyone else.

Any thoughts, similar/different experiences? Obviously there are other factors to good friendship like choosing carefully.

[FooZe]

My friends (the ones I've chosen, anyway, not necessarily including some who may be "choosing" me) mostly seem like really great people. For the most part, I keep thinking I may be underestimating them because they have strengths and abilities that I don't even know about yet.

Once in a great while I'll see a friend do something that seems weird to me and suggests an upset in progress -- say, telling me I don't understand them, probably never will, and to stop trying. On those occasions, I've typically learned a lot by trying to imagine what might be going on for them, and how much anything like that ever goes on for me too.

If I ever have a day when a lot of people seem to be out to get me (or at least to get in my way), I may go on thinking for a while that that must be something about them. Eventually, though, I do usually get around to looking at what part of that might be coming from me.

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All the world's mad save thee and me -- and sometimes I even wonder about thee.

[Am I crazy?]

Hi Artie,

I could have written your last post, lol. I am in the same boat. When I fell out with my best friend at the end of high school I didn't think it was worth getting too 'emotionally' attached to anyone else because it just didn't seem worth the trouble. But I have only one 'best friend' again now - and she is 'low maintainance'. We go out and phone occasionally, but nothing too demanding. She has her life and I have mine. It probably is my problem, but I feel I can't trust anyone except close family - which I guess is really sad. I am married and have a son - but basically I consider myself a loner. I did join a few craft classes etc and I have no trouble talking to people, but I just can't seem to develope many really close bonds. I would like to have more friends, but I can't overcome that invisible barrier. It's always something they say or do that says it's just not worth it. I don't know if that means something is wrong with me?
I don't know if my post will help you - but at least you know your not the only one

Lisa