[ladyjrnlist]

I am an extremely happily married woman with bipolar. My husband is my universe.
However, I am attached to my T, who I've been seeing for 7 months now--he's a he.

N E Way. I hated his guts in the beginning and yelled at him and ignored him a lot during sessions. Treated him like I thought he was a moron. Nowadays, I look forward to seeing him. I think about him a lot. Sometimes, the thoughts are related to sex, but not often. Usually, I just miss talking to him. I have to avoid the temptation to text or call him. He's encouraged me to text or call when I am in crisis, which I've done a few times. However, I know just calling him to talk is not appropriate and talking should be done in session.

I try to remember that I'm paying for this, but I know he cares. He has to, or he wouldn't be good at his job, I suppose.

Here's the gist of this. I don't want to share this with him because therapy otherwise is going very good and I know if I switch Ts now, I'm looking at an emotional disaster. We are in a very fragile point in my therapy right now. I'm afraid bringing this up will alter our relationship permanently. I also know that this is not rooted to any issue of mine. It's simply emotions I feel because of the intensely personal relationship we have in terms of therapy.
Any advice?

[Emotionally Dead]

As a Therapist he should know how to work with this sort of issue and should be able to deal with it with you without getting angry and driving you off. With that being said, I understand how hard it would be on you to try and tell him how you feel. I know you may be attached and attracted to him, but I don't feel like it's love. I think it's having that someone who is always there for you and cares for you and helps you through your problems. That's something a Therapist is supposed to do, but it doesn't mean that a relationship with your Therapist would work out. Also, are you sure your marriage is as happy as you say? I am a bit dumbfounded by the fact that you are in a happy marriage but you are having all of these intimate feelings about your T. They may just be temporary, but you can't help the feelings you are having. I don't think you want to lose your husband and I don't think you want to lose your T so this is a decision you will have to make on your own. If it were me I think I would tell my T so that we could discuss it and find out if it really were something to do with the problems I was having or not. But I can't tell you what to do. Wish you the best.

[BlackCanary]

I developed very strong feelings, love, for my T. At the same time, I kept telling my husband what was going on because I didn't want there to be any secret. I kept thinking that might help it go away! It felt a bit like an emotional affair, albeit one-sided.
I hope you find a way to start to tell your T about the feelings. I hope your T responds positively about it being a good development, and a tool for the therapy. And that T says "My feelings are not the same. I'm not ever going to take advantage of your feelings for me."
My T never helped me with the feelings. He was very uncomfortable.
My current T is helping me - I'm trying to figure out what it was that I loved about that relationship, and then maybe I can figure out how to get it in my marriage.