[chlorophyll]

Hey guys!

Well, I started seeing my T two months ago. I think I did kinda like him in a romantic way after a while, but short lived. Looking closely, I realise that I actually see him as a kind of father figure.... is that weird? I guess it's a little off-topic but oh well

My father wasn't there like he could've been and I guess my mum not completely also. Could this be why?

Interested to hear your thoughts on this topic in general, eg. how you've ever felt toward your T and if it was romantic, familial or any other way, and how you handled it!

(P.S. I noticed a lot of people seem to have told their T's that they have romantic feelings toward them. Do I have to if I have familial feelings towards him?)

[WePow]

I see my T as a father figure. I know it is transference and it is also for my own healing. I know he is not my father. He is actually only a couple years older than me so he is like a big brother. But I never had a SAFE father. So for now, my T is that role model for me.

Sometimes I will have sexualized thoughts about him, but that has to deal with the confusion thanks to my father who is a convicted pedophile and NOTHING to do with my T.

I handle my emotions by just being honest with myself when they are there. I love my T very much and am allowed by him and myself to honor that love and experience it in a deeply healthy way.

[scorpiosis37]

Chlorophyll,

Yes, I can absolutely relate to the way you feel about your T-- except my T is female so I see her as a maternal rather than paternal figure. And, like you described, I've had some confusion over whether the way I feel about my T is just maternal, or if there are also some romantic feelings-- or maybe they're all just normal T feelings? I honestly don't know. For me, understanding these feelings has been difficult. In fact, I went out and bought some books on attachment in therapy and the therapist-client relationship to try and help me understand exactly how I feel. The books were somewhat helpful, but they didn't quite give me the concrete answers I was looking for. As for whether I've talked to T about this, well, I've disclosed a little bit of this to her, but I haven't told her everything. We've talked about the fact that I have a maternal void (from not having a mom), and I've told her that I feel she gives me a little bit of the maternal nurturance I never had growing up. She responded positively to that information, but I haven't shared more than that yet. I do hope to share more in the future, when I feel comfortable.

A lot of people feel that their Ts are like mother or father figures, so I think that's pretty normal. If you choose to share this with your T, I think your T will respond well to the information and be supportive of you. But the choice to share is entirely up to you. Just know that you are not alone and that your feelings are normal! You're in good company!

[chlorophyll]

Thanks for the responses guys! Okay, I don't feel so weird now haha.

WePow, that actually sounds really nice that you can do that and he allows it. Guess I was kinda worried because I've read some stories about how people have told their T's stuff like that and suddenly their T sessions become all cold and mechanical.

Scorpiosis37, that's interesting! Whenever I hear people talk about their T, they have an opposite sex relationship, so hearing that you see your T a bit like your mum is different! I think it doesn't really matter if they are the same sex or different, it's still possible to end up with romantic feelings. I've heard it's kind of like the "ideal partner" situation - they are open to your feelings and issues without sharing their own problems - so it can happen with any sex and it's normal. Again, it's good to hear that you were able to share the information with your T and she responded positively also.

Well, now that I know it is normal and my brain isn't wired up weirdly, I might muster the courage to do the same! Maybe he will also take it positively, he is old enough to be my dad anyway. But I know he isn't. It's just transference.

Well thanks guys, it does help to know I'm in good company!

[Emotionally Dead]

That can definitely be caused by not having a father figure in your life. Absolutely. There isn't anything wrong with it, and I would feel much better telling my T that I saw them as a parental figure rather than intimately. It wouldn't be a bad idea to tell him, and I don't think he'd respond bad to it at all.