[LavalampTerry]

At the risk of violating the "Private" part, this is a PM I wrote this morning to a friend of mine here. I wanted to share it with those who may see some value in it for themselves. Our journeys with our T's are sometimes difficult, sometimes challenging and confusing. And NEVER predictable. So. For what it's worth :

This is hard for me to write. As I sit here I'm fighting back tears.

Denise has breast cancer. She told me this at this morning's session. We sat and cried openly with each other. She talked about her fears. Of loosing her eyebrows and hair after Cymotherapy. About the possibility of losing a breast. I'm sure there are other fears she didn't share with me....

She asked me where I was with her telling me. Why was I crying. All I could muster was that I was thinking about how terrifying this must be for her... I was in shock. Imagining what might lie ahead for her. The changes her body is going to go through. Imagining what it must be like to be told such a terrible thing. Imagining the terror she must be feeling. I told her that regardless of whether she has eyebrows, or is wearing a head scarf, or is "under reconstruction," she will always be beautiful to me.

I asked her if there was anything I could do. That - given the realities of our relationship - I hope that she will feel comfortable asking me for anything I can do. Her response will never leave me. She said : "I just need you to love me."

She talked about the support network she has in place. Friends, co-workers, collegues. She spoke some of her children's reactions to the news. How her son is "dissociating" and her daughter is a "tough cookie." She spoke of a friend who came over and got in bed with her after the last lump was taken out (there are more) and comforted her, stayed with her, listened to her. That image made me cry even more...

I was able to say to her that I wished she had someone at home to take care of her. (I know it can't be me...but somebody.) She reassurred me that she had strong support. That she's finding out how much she's loved. She said to me that she has always known I care for her and today reaffirmed that... We cried together. We hugged. We told each other "I love you."

After the session was over I wrote her a short email. Letting her know that - for what it's worth - she should know that in the car I prayed for her. I prayed not that the illness be taken away. But that she receive the SUPPORT, STRENGTH, and LOVE she needs during this time. No matter what. I closed that email by stating again that I will love her -- no matter what.

I can't seem to hold back the tears. When she was telling me this - trying to reassure me that she would be ok - all I wanted to do was get up and run to her and hold her. Not because of the transference stuff. But from one human being to another.... I wanted to hold and comfort one of the most important human beings in my life today who has just been handed terrible news. And yes - I'm struggling not to picture the "worst case scenario." And I see her going through that - I feel it actually. At the end of that imaginary scenario I see myself without her in my life. And I wonder how I can go on.... How am I suppposed to live without my Denise.........? I know. A little early for that - and I refuse to consider that as a possible outcome TODAY - but it's there......

So that was my day so far..... I know you've talked about being a religious woman. Could I ask you a favor? Will you pray for Denise with me? My therapist. My friend. My confidant. One of the most amazing human beings I've ever met.....

[wintergirl]

Oh, Terry, I teared up just reading that (and I don't cry easily).

I'm so sad that your T has to go through all of that, but I am glad that she was able to confide in you. What an amazing relationship the two of you have! I will be thinking of her (and you!) and will keep her in my prayers.

[SallyBrown]

Oh, Terry, I am so sorry... it breaks my heart to read this. This is a horrible and scary time, but it is so moving that your T was so frank with you about needing you to continue loving her. I hope that the fears can get smaller while the love gets bigger.

[lynn P.]

(((LavalampTerry))) - I'm very sorry to hear this sad news about your T's health. Your response is very touching and filled with deep empathy. I pray she will prove to be a fighter and survivor of this terrible disease. Since hair loss is a big blow for women I wanted to tell you about this new treatment to prevent hair loss by wearing a 'cooling cap'. They found by wearing this cold cap, it puts the hair follicles to sleep and prevents the drastic hair loss. I also recommend she start drinking Match green tea - one cup provides the equivalent ant-oxidant value of 10 cups of green tea. Here's a link about cold caps for use during chemotherapy. Hugs to you during this difficult time and healing vibes for your T (((Denise)).

http://www.cancernet.co.uk/hairloss.htm

[Butterflies Are Free]

I am so sorry to hear that your T has to go through all of this and will pray that she finds the strength/courage to fight the battle ahead. Your letter was beautiful.

[wheeler]

Don't know what to say. Just thinking of you and keeping you both in my thoughts/prayers.

I'm so very very sorry to hear this. I would be devastated. She sounds like a wonderful T. Try not to imagine the worst, but take it one day at a time. The shock must have been terrible. Let the tears flow as long as they need to. She told you what she needs from you - just to love her. How honest and beautiful!! My heart goes out to you.

[allme]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Terry))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

OMG that's really really sad......I cried reading your post I am not a religous person but I do want to send warm and healing thoughts and hugs. Terry, my friend, I am so so sorry You two have a wonderful relationship and I am glad to hear she has a good support network. I really wish i could say more....just know I (as others here) are here for you ALWAYS!

Much love to you Terry

LavalampTerry, I've read most of your posts on transference and they're very insightful. Hopefully your therapist will recover from this.

[vaffla]

I am so sorry to read this . I will keep your T in my thoughts. I wish her well! I just want you to know that 9 out of 10 women recover from breast cancer. I hope she gets well!!! Your response to her was very touching.
Best to you and her .

[LavalampTerry]

Thanks, guys, for once again an overwhelming response. I forwarded my post to my T this morning. We've talked alot about my being on PC and the support, encouragement, and loving responces I receive here. She has always agreed that my finding this site was a life changer!!

So, given the circumstances, I thought it was about time I gave her an example of what I do here. And to tell her about all the wonderful replys I've received. Wanted to show her how I'm processing this.

I also wanted her to know that, thanks to that post, there are people LITERALLY from all over the planet who are praying for her safe passage threw whatever lies ahead for her. That her "support network" has now gone global. I thought that might help her in what may be some dark days ahead.

Thanks again, guys, for being here for me. And now for being here for my T as well! I believe in the power of this site. I believe in it because I've felt it. I'm feeling it now. I'm now hoping my T will feel it too.

You guys are AWESOME!!

PS : Vaffla : "9 our of 10 women recover from breast cancer." Really???? I had no idea... I was seeing this as a death sentence..... That stat gives me hope. I'll pass it along to my T. THANKS!!!

((((Terry))))

I cried when I read your post the other day, it hit SO close to home.

This weekend, I heard a new Martina McBride song titled, "I'm Gonna Love You Through It". It's a song about cancer which caused me to immediately think of your post, your T's comment , and the many friends facing the same fight.

To you and your T.

[vaffla]

[quote=LavalampTerry;1999207

PS : Vaffla : "9 our of 10 women recover from breast cancer." Really???? I had no idea... I was seeing this as a death sentence..... That stat gives me hope. I'll pass it along to my T. THANKS!!![/quote]

Really! Here is some statistics about breast cancer:
http://www.imaginis.com/breast-healt...nd-screening-2

Glad I could help !

Terry,

Just wanted to let you know I'm sending some positive thoughts/prayers your way today. Thanks for your touching post. I'm so sorry your T is going through this.
Take good care my friend.

[wintergirl]

Any updates, Terry? How has Denise been doing?

[LavalampTerry]

She's having a double mastecomy on Oct. 3.... She seems resolved with it all. As I told her last week : "If I've learned anything about you these past few years it's that you're a fighter." And she is. Sure, she must have her "melt down" times, but she's able to talk to me about it, when I ask, without getting emotional. Pretty amazing....

She's already stated that after her surgery she's gonna be off "about 4 weeks." (I'm thinking closer to 6, but...) So I guess I'll be "flying solo" for a while... Oh well. Time to take the training wheels off, I guess. (NOT looking forward to that, but it'll probably be ok)

Thanks for asking WG. Last time we met I told my T that - thanks to this site - there are people from litterly all over the world who are concerned about her and are praying for her. And are asking about her. She liked that...

[lynn P.]

Thanks for the update on Denise and its great she's fighting this which is very important in recovery and survival of cancer. Sorry you'll be on your own for a month and hope you'll be alright. I'll keep ((Denise)) in my prayers.

[LavalampTerry]

I saw Denise yesterday and will see her again tomorrow for an extra session this week. This is DEFINITELY a 2 session week... Her surgery is Monday. Keep them prayers comin!! If you're so inclined. Man, I wish I was 2 people!!

So glad you are getting to see her twice this week. I hope she's able to be back to work soon. I'm glad she doesn't have to wait any longer to have the surgery. This is one of those things that's best gotten over with ASAP so the healing can start. This must be such a difficult time for you. Hang in there! My thoughts are with both of you - keep us posted as to how the surgery went, and how you're doing. Hugs ....

[LavalampTerry]

Thanks Bunny!! Really. Yeah. It's a difficult time. From what she's told me, she's got quite a strong support system around her. Says her friends have a schedule of when someone will be staying with her - especially in the early days of recovery. When I was with her yesterday, I was able to ask her if it was ok if - when she was up to it - she could maybe drop me a quick line telling me she was ok. Told her I was gonna miss her and worry about her. She agreed. Said a number of her clients have asked her this. So at least I'll know eventually that she's on the mend. And I'm also going to remind her tomorrow that because of this site people from all over are pulling for her!! As for how I'm doing.... Who Knows?? One Day at a Time. One Breath at a Time. Life...just is. Thanks for what you said....

[WePow]

Sending you TONS and TONS of big hugs. It is vital to be able to love each other as humans. I am so glad you have the ability to be in this healthy and safe relationship that is very real and honest. I also know how scary this can be on those who love people who get breast cancer. The lady who was like my second mother did not make it through her fight. One of my best friends made it for several years and fought on and off throughout things until she passed. But my first cousin had it, they removed her breasts, and she has been cancer free for years.

What this taught me is that we only have one day at a time. In that hour we spend with our T, it is our chance for a close and safe love between two humans. For intimacy. It is something special for those who can find that safe bond with a professional who can have a heart and still have safe boundaries for a client. I am so glad you have that with her.

[LavalampTerry]

Thanks WePow.! Denise had her surgery Monday. Yesterday - early afternoon - she sent a "mass email" to clients, etc stating she was HOME and "doing well" - "in good spirits." Really??? After a pretty massive surgery like that you can be home in 24 hrs??? I'd think they'd want you around to keep an eye out for infection or whatever -- not home less than 24 hrs later eating creme of brocholi soup!!! But what do I know... In any event -- she's home - doing well - in good spirits. And if there's anyone who's ready for the possible "fight" that lies ahead, it's my Denise!! She's tenacious!! (of course I'm biased) Hopefully I'll see her in a month or so when she feels better.

So glad that the surgery went well and she's home already. Wow - she cares enough about her clients to send an email a day after surgery, knowing that people are concerned about her. You really have an awesome T!! Hope the next month goes by quickly for you. Thanks for the update.
Hugs

[LavalampTerry]

Yeah, she said she would or her sister would depending on how she felt. I can't imagine what it must be like coming through major surgery like that. I got a TOE operated on a few years back and I was a MESS... This...well, YIKES!! But she said she was "doing well" and in "good spirits." And that "staying connected helps me heal." Yeah, she's pretty awesome... Wish I could bring her soup....

[mixedup_emotions]

I am so sorry about your T's medical struggles. ((( HUGS )))

As hard as this is, you are taking part in her journey, and that can be viewed as an honor. I, too, am keeping your T in my prayers.

Knowing that you have PC here to help you through this next month is also a blessing. (( HUGS ))