[unaluna]

Ewww, just creepy creepy stuff since I figured out T was back with his old girlfriend (he will leave Hansel and Gretel "breadcrumbs" till I figure things out). I've been a little depressed, and I just KNOW he's going to ask me, is it because you found out I'm back with X? In that gentle quiet voice that makes me even more miserable and ashamed and embarrassed and wanting to deny it. WTH IS this about?! I KNOW he would like me if I were a little girl and not such a big girl, because X is a smaller girl - and that is straight out of the textbook transference, my parents rejecting me because I was such a huge awkward monster child. Hmm - but before I always associated it having to l0se wgt get skinny NOW and he would like me or THEY would like me now - not so much with the tiny baby feelings, which is really what it sounds like in my head, especially the way T asks about it. Because I AM more jealous of X's little daughter and T's little girl client that I see sometime waiting. I think he's only back with X for her daughter, which is jUst wacky. I don't mean that in a bad way, I know he tries to be an attentive father figure for her, as her own dad is a litle off. Might be a session for the little chairs. I was thinking we hadn't done the little chairs in a while - that usually means I'm avoiding something!

Ah, hankster, I'm sorry. I totally get that feeling about it being about your size. I've lost 25 pounds since I've been in therapy (of course, 15 of that is weight I GAINED when I started therapy). Part of it is using exercise to self medicate for anxiety, but I KNOW part of it is wanting my T to want me. I don't have anything profound to say except I feel for you.