[WhiteClouds]

Hi PC Fam,
I'm sure you're tired of my rambling and the T & I. I still see him twice a week. The transference subsided for some time after I told him. Now I sit in sessions feeling like we are literally playing. I try my best not to flirt with him. I know for certain he deem me as pretty pathetic & needy. It doesn't help any that it "seems" like he value my opinion about things that are clearly none of my business.
Perhaps I feel this way since I am enduring a hard time in my marriage. Heck, marriage has been hard for year. (ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS)
I enjoy his company. He acknowledge my process. I fight to not allow him to see me at my worse. I go with the desire to put my best effort forth for the best outcomes. I try to downplay every action, every word so I don't go back THERE. back to that place I thought of him every waking moment until I saw him again. Or the erotic dreams I would have about him last summer.
When he mentioned that he had a dream he called me after my surgery 3 weeks ago. I smiled. I don't recall if he did or not. He isn't a call, telephone person. I told him this. A part of me wanted to know what other dreams he may have had. I know, I know nothing can ever come of this.
The perky, energetic, engaging T disappeared today when my H came to my appointment with me. He sat there and began playing with his nails. WTW?!? I was bothered that he felt like our crisis was so trivial. He was so ..So.. Distant.. Reserved. Totally different person.
Or was he merely disconnected. He state he do not think he is the right person to do our marital sessions. (Actually no one is the right person)
As I gazed in the abyss of his gorgeous blue eyes today as I was hurting in agony. I blinked and pulled myself back into reality. I can not get loss in his eyes. I can not be safe in his embrace (we've NEVER had physical contact. He only shook my hand once) I can not find refuge with him. Even though I desire to have someone like that in my life. The safety I feel with him make me love him. Is it possible he is trying to get rid of me by suggesting we go see someone for marital counseling??
I will ask him Wednesday. A part of me wanted him to please help me. Please help me feel better. Please stop me from feeling like this.. I wish I didn't feel like this about this man. I wish I didn't think he was handsome, intelligent, honest, ambitious, driven, fun loving, kind, assertive.....I fear I will always feel this way for him. Is it divine purposing that I met him???

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Hi PC Fam,
I'm sure you're tired of my rambling and the T & I. I still see him twice a week. The transference subsided for some time after I told him. Now I sit in sessions feeling like we are literally playing. I try my best not to flirt with him. I know for certain he deem me as pretty pathetic & needy. It doesn't help any that it "seems" like he value my opinion about things that are clearly none of my business.
Perhaps I feel this way since I am enduring a hard time in my marriage. Heck, marriage has been hard for year. (ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS)
I enjoy his company. He acknowledge my process. I fight to not allow him to see me at my worse. I go with the desire to put my best effort forth for the best outcomes. I try to downplay every action, every word so I don't go back THERE. back to that place I thought of him every waking moment until I saw him again. Or the erotic dreams I would have about him last summer.
When he mentioned that he had a dream he called me after my surgery 3 weeks ago. I smiled. I don't recall if he did or not. He isn't a call, telephone person. I told him this. A part of me wanted to know what other dreams he may have had. I know, I know nothing can ever come of this.
The perky, energetic, engaging T disappeared today when my H came to my appointment with me. He sat there and began playing with his nails. WTW?!? I was bothered that he felt like our crisis was so trivial. He was so ..So.. Distant.. Reserved. Totally different person.
Or was he merely disconnected. He state he do not think he is the right person to do our marital sessions. (Actually no one is the right person)
As I gazed in the abyss of his gorgeous blue eyes today as I was hurting in agony. I blinked and pulled myself back into reality. I can not get loss in his eyes. I can not be safe in his embrace (we've NEVER had physical contact. He only shook my hand once) I can not find refuge with him. Even though I desire to have someone like that in my life. The safety I feel with him make me love him. Is it possible he is trying to get rid of me by suggesting we go see someone for marital counseling??
I will ask him Wednesday. A part of me wanted him to please help me. Please help me feel better. Please stop me from feeling like this.. I wish I didn't feel like this about this man. I wish I didn't think he was handsome, intelligent, honest, ambitious, driven, fun loving, kind, assertive.....I fear I will always feel this way for him. Is it divine purposing that I met him???

Thanks Rainbow and Tooski. I wish it wasn't this way. It simply is...

[rainbow8]

I know how it is. I have transference feelings for my T too. Some of them are real. It's making me crazy. I thought I was better, and therapy was going so well, then wham! I'm googling her and staring at her new photo online, and dreading telling her about all of that today at my session. I wish I could be with her all the time in her life. I know it's transference because these feelings ebb and flow, and I know the reason is that I realized, again, that she can't be there for me the way I want her to be. Facing that has unleased a monster inside of myself and I'm scared.

I wish it wasn't that way for you. It's a deep hurt. I think the only way out is to explore all of your feelings with your T and hope that he's experienced enough to help.

[WhiteClouds]

Yes it hurts.. It is agony at times. In my head I feel we're both adults. One having an attraction doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a clinical diagnosis. Perhaps they simply fit together.

Originally Posted by WhiteClouds

Yes it hurts.. It is agony at times. In my head I feel we're both adults. One having an attraction doesn't necessarily have anything to do with a clinical diagnosis. Perhaps they simply fit together.

Thanks for this comment. That's how I feel too. I believe I've seen divine intervention for some friends of mine. I could never logically explain how they came to love one another. This "connection" people talk about, I feel like I finally found it with someone (T). But then, if the feelings were not there on the other side, I guess the connection was imagined? If two people were meant to be together do you think it will ultimately happen some day?

[nicoleflynn]

Been in love with my t for 7 years. Yes, it is agonizing. Unfortunately he has feelings for me also (it was discussed in detail).

[WhiteClouds]

Originally Posted by Sadendings

Thanks for this comment. That's how I feel too. I believe I've seen divine intervention for some friends of mine. I could never logically explain how they came to love one another. This "connection" people talk about, I feel like I finally found it with someone (T). But then, if the feelings were not there on the other side, I guess the connection was imagined? If two people were meant to be together do you think it will ultimately happen some day?

Hi Sadendings,
I don't think it is imagined. Though it may not be mutual. That does not mean it has no validity. It does. Hopefully we will find the answer to that one. LOL