[1stepatatime]

Here it is the start of the holiday weekend....I have a date tonight and plans for tomorrow but I am feeling really bad about the possibility of my T not being able to work with the transference . I don't want to be redundant so I won't get into it all again. I had some sort of trigger today, my ex told me that she is going pool shopping tonight...above ground pool...I don't know why but that made me feel worse. We do pretty good and communicate well...but hearing about the pool thing plus no t knowing if my T can work with me the way I need her to really made my emotions take a nose dive Oh well...life does go on....

[0w6c379]

I think I get the pool thing. Why couldn't she have had a pool when you were together? I understand loving the water. The pool is just one more thing that you won't have. Remember, you don't know yet if T will not be able to work with you through the transference thing. I hope she can. There is still some hope (maybe you'll get invited to try out the new pool too?).

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by Michelle25

I think I get the pool thing. Why couldn't she have had a pool when you were together? I understand loving the water. The pool is just one more thing that you won't have. Remember, you don't know yet if T will not be able to work with you through the transference thing. I hope she can. There is still some hope (maybe you'll get invited to try out the new pool too?).

Thank you,Michelle
You were spot on about the pool....it's something my ex is doing with her new partner, not me....but I told her how it made me feel a little bad to hear about it....she told me that I am welcome anytime, once she buys the pool! Thankfully, we have a deep respect and love for one another....it's just been a tough transition. The root of what was bothering me was the not knowing if my T can work with me the way I need her to. I know that I will have to be upfront with her and bring it up at my session next week. I have stuff that I need to get to...I am very aware of it but if we skirt around stuff then I don't see how it will benefit me. Thanks again for you response....it helps!! Have a great weekend:-)

[moonlitsky]

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Here it is the start of the holiday weekend....I have a date tonight and plans for tomorrow but I am feeling really bad about the possibility of my T not being able to work with the transference . I don't want to be redundant so I won't get into it all again. I had some sort of trigger today, my ex told me that she is going pool shopping tonight...above ground pool...I don't know why but that made me feel worse. We do pretty good and communicate well...but hearing about the pool thing plus no t knowing if my T can work with me the way I need her to really made my emotions take a nose dive Oh well...life does go on....

Sounds like you are holding a painful tension - I so hope you can have a helpful discussion with your therapist about what you know you need to do in therapy. Could you write it all down so you have something to refer to or show her when you go?

Take good care

Moon

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by moonlitsky

Sounds like you are holding a painful tension - I so hope you can have a helpful discussion with your therapist about what you know you need to do in therapy. Could you write it all down so you have something to refer to or show her when you go?

Take good care

Moon

d
Hi,Moon
Writing it down might be a good idea. I'm going tomorrow so hopefully I will make the time to do that. It's weird....now that it is right around the corner I'm putting a lot of this stuff in the back of my mind.....tucked safely away. Safety mode...I do it well...lol. I have a lot going on besides this stuff with my T. I am very intuitive...there are strong feelings between my ex and I... very strong. That in itself is challenging for me because nothing in the world would make me happier then to get back together. In the midst of this I have been dating because I want to get out there...but probably not a good idea when I am still in love. Eeesshh....wish I could go to a far away island and just be.

[almostthere]

Transference...... Dude are u on some kind of drug????

First of all your T really knows nothing about u. Right???

What u need to do is this.... Ur ex-girlfriend is not so concerned about your debilitating anxiety.... she's is concerend about other things that don't included u obviously. u need to get a grip on yourself...please u owe that to yourself... Next.. u need to find out where ur life in now... right now at this moment... and where your life is going.... What do u want out of your life....??? Everyone's life is different... Right???

Another thing..... don't dwell on what people think, or what they say about u....if u allow yourself to do that then u "devalue" yourself as a human being.... Don't u think u need to treat yourself better than that ???

I'm sure u do... Think about it....A blue sky is on the horizon for u.

Just look up n see....

I wish the best for u...

Talk to u soon...

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

Here it is the start of the holiday weekend....I have a date tonight and plans for tomorrow but I am feeling really bad about the possibility of my T not being able to work with the transference . I don't want to be redundant so I won't get into it all again. I had some sort of trigger today, my ex told me that she is going pool shopping tonight...above ground pool...I don't know why but that made me feel worse. We do pretty good and communicate well...but hearing about the pool thing plus no t knowing if my T can work with me the way I need her to really made my emotions take a nose dive Oh well...life does go on....

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by almostthere

Transference...... Dude are u on some kind of drug????

First of all your T really knows nothing about u. Right???

What u need to do is this.... Ur ex-girlfriend is not so concerned about your debilitating anxiety.... she's is concerend about other things that don't included u obviously. u need to get a grip on yourself...please u owe that to yourself... Next.. u need to find out where ur life in now... right now at this moment... and where your life is going.... What do u want out of your life....??? Everyone's life is different... Right???

Another thing..... don't dwell on what people think, or what they say about u....if u allow yourself to do that then u "devalue" yourself as a human being.... Don't u think u need to treat yourself better than that ???

I'm sure u do... Think about it....A blue sky is on the horizon for u.

Just look up n see....

I wish the best for u...

Talk to u soon...

I kind of laughed when I read the beginning of your post....the "dude are you on some kind of drug regarding the transference".....yeah...it is kinda out there, isn't it....however.... it is normal to have transference kick in when going thru this process...not sure if you have experienced it but it is pretty intense. "Debilitating anxiety"? Ummmm...no, not quite like that..I was in a major funk on Friday and feeling depressed but not anxiety....and by the way, I'm doing alright now....peaks and valleys, happens. Life is pretty good...just transitioning from a ten year relationship into a close friendship, so yeah...It can be challenging but its okay. Thanks for your words....have a good night!

[1stepatatime]

Just an update..sorry to bore you with my stuff So I am feeling better...had plenty of time to process the things that were wearing on me. The stupid pool thing was a trigger...but it is okay now. My ex is very sensitive to me and truly cares..so by talking to her I felt better. As far as my T goes...I feel a whole lot better...we talked about my concerns and she helped me to get a better understanding...still is tough...but I am slowly getting there ( in between the set backs).

Oh dear,
This must be soo had 1step
I am still in love with my ex gf too and anytime I hear anything to do with her or see any of her friends my heart breaks a little but more. I am you too can still talk and are still sensitive to each other, it says a lot about your relationship.
I don't talk to my ex after six years together and it hurts so much because she used and abused me all along and made my life so difficult and hurt me so much that I admire your relationship with your ex. I suppose I should be glad that I don't talk anymore because that way she can't hurt me but it hurts so much thinking about her and how much I loved and cherished her. I wish the best for you and your new date

[1stepatatime]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Oh dear,
This must be soo had 1step
I am still in love with my ex gf too and anytime I hear anything to do with her or see any of her friends my heart breaks a little but more. I am you too can still talk and are still sensitive to each other, it says a lot about your relationship.
I don't talk to my ex after six years together and it hurts so much because she used and abused me all along and made my life so difficult and hurt me so much that I admire your relationship with your ex. I suppose I should be glad that I don't talk anymore because that way she can't hurt me but it hurts so much thinking about her and how much I loved and cherished her. I wish the best for you and your new date

Hey, Monalisa
Yes, this is far from easy to deal with. Tomorrow is my birthday and my ex will be with me and some others out on the Gulf jetsking...and did I mention that her g.friend is going too? lol It is tough... and I don't make a habit of hanging out with my ex's new g.friend but in this case I am trying to be the bigger person and included her. So many people don't get our (ex and me) relationship. Most people say that I should distance myself from her...she is told the same. But I see her maybe once,twice a week...we know the boundaries and respect them. I have told her that if she ever wants to get back with me that going to therapy together is one of the terms. But I don't hold my breath.
I'm sorry for the pain that you are going through. Keep yourself distracted...it seems to help. I have been dating here and there...nowhere near ready to enter into a relationship but it keeps my mind occupied. Try to busy yourself with anything that you enjoy...and as my T says to me all of the time; be kind to yourself : )