[chumchum]

I left my old T due to my transference issues. I still think about him all the time and it is frustrating to say the least. He limited our sessions down to one every 2 to 3 months as he said I was doing great and did not need him as much. I agreed and hoped my feeling would dissipate. I am sad to say that they are still going strong.

I talked to my new T about my transference issues and she dismissed them by saying, "that is something you should have discussed with him and sorted out." I was to embarrassed to bring it up to old T and want to sort it out with a new T but this one refuses to address it. Maybe I should look for a new T?

I still long for old T but know I need to move on. This has never happened to me before and I am at my wits end with how to get past it and live without thinking about old T all the time. I am also resisting the urge to send him flowers and a sweet note as a secret admirer of course in hopes he would figure it out. It is silly to think he would call and thank me for the flowers and invite me out for coffee.LOL. A girl can dream right?

Okay, I feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest. I am so praying this will pass soon and I can focus on something else! Thank you for taking the time to read my silliness.

[gayleggg]

I would look for a new T that is willing to address what is bothering you including your tranference issues. That is just not right to ignore something that is affecting you so much. Just my opinion. Good for you for resisting sending the flowers. That would be a bad idea and could cause him concern about his own welfare. It's creepy to get anonymous stuff. Time will help you get past this but that doesn't make it easy. Sorry for you pain and sadness.
Gayle

[FeelTheBurn]

Ditto what gayleggg says. Obviously, it's ideal to work transference feelings out with the therapist involved, but barring that, if it's bothering you, your new T should be willing to spend some time helping you work it out. It shouldn't be the centerpiece of your therapy work, but to dismiss it out of hand shows some callousness and limited approach on your new T's part.

And you also need to do your part--because you are no longer seeing the old T, it's up to you to work on putting those feelings behind you. It would be good if your new T would help you, but even if she doesn't, it's best for you to avoid dwelling and fantasizing about the old T. It will never go anywhere, and dreaming is fun, but keeps you stuck in the past.

Good luck, those feelings can be tough, but you can get through it.

[chumchum]

Thank you so much. Getting him out of my thoughts will be hard but I am sure with time it will happen.

[dolphinlover8]

I know how you feel. My therapist moved away and I have transference over him. It's been over a year since he has moved now and I still have the transference. You really should try to find a therapist who is willing to talk about transference and will understand it. I know how hard it is dealing with this and how much it hurts. I think it will be best to find a therapist who can help you with it. I hope things will get better for you soon

[chumchum]

Thanks guys for your advice. I know I need to move on and stop thinking about him. I have a bad habit of idealizing people I know I cannot have. I am supposing this is to avoid rejection as I know I will never initiate a real relationship and thus avoid the 'let-down talk'. I see my new T tonight and if she avoids the subject of my transference with old T again, I will look elsewhere.

Old T was so open and actually shared a lot of his fears and insecurities with me and I am guessing a large part of me wants to save him as well. Maybe that is why I tricked myself into thinking it was something more? Who really knows at this point, lol. From here on out, it is strictly moving on! Man, I really hope so anyway.

[chumchum]

Well, I caved to day an called to get an appt with old T. I was informed he no longer worked at the clinic and move an hour away. I was told his new place of employment and want to email him so bad. I would love to have one last session but am afraid of how he will respond. I don't want him to think I am stalking. I miss his company very much and would be willing to drive an hour and pay out of pocket. His page at his new clinic has an email for him and I am wondering if I should email and ask if one last session would be okay. Any thoughts?

[MoxieDoxie]

I don't know if it is good to feed your desire. What if you do not get the feedback you were hoping. Will that make you feel bad? If you get an appointment with him the session should be about your tranference for him.

[chumchum]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I don't know if it is good to feed your desire. What if you do not get the feedback you were hoping. Will that make you feel bad? If you get an appointment with him the session should be about your tranference for him.

My feelings could possibly be hurt and I would be forced to move on.