[PinaLily]

Hi, I'm new. So I've been seeing my therapist for a little less than 2 months. I have incredibly intense feelings towards him - sometimes idealization, admiration, respect. Sometimes anger, frustration, hatred. Sometimes love, eroticism, romance. I assume these are due to transference. I brought it up once, but I didn't tell him everything (too embarrassed to mention the erotic stuff - he's gay and I'm a straight woman, not that transference knows the difference - but my dad is also gay, no underlying issues there *sarcasm*) He said we would talk about it again, but we haven't. I think he's waiting for me to bring it up. I'm pretty sure he knows there's more I'm not telling him, but he doesn't mention the word "transference" at all. In fact, we were talking the other day and he said, "I'm going to use the T-word, do you know what I'm talking about?" and for a second I almost blurted out, "Transference?" But of course I said I didn't know. Thank god because he answered, "Trauma." We were talking about childhood stuff. There's certainly plenty of it, and I haven't even gotten to the worst of it. I'm too busy being in love with him. Ugh.

Last session he suggested I begin group therapy and only see him once a month or "as needed" for individual sessions because I was "ready." I was crushed. It felt like total rejection and imminent abandonment. He said I didn't have to, that we could talk about it over the course of our next few sessions, and that if I decided not to, I didn't have to go the group route. But I feel like he wants me to, to get rid of me. Is he frustrated that I won't talk about the transference? It sure does make getting anything done in therapy difficult. But I'm terrified to bring up the rest of it (like that he plays the starring role in my sexual fantasies). Seriously?! I'm supposed to tell him that!?!?

So after he suggested group, I freaked out and told him I didn't want to see him this week (complete lie, I just had to run / push him away before he could hurt / abandon / push me away). So now I don't know whether to contact him (call? email?) and ask to see him this week after all because I really want to talk to him about all this. Should I ask to see him next week, since I said I didn't want to meet this week (even though I'm not sure I'll make it that long)? Or should I just wait and see if he calls me after this week to see if I want to meet next week after taking a "break" this week?

Please help!

Any advice is appreciated.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by PinaLily

Hi, I'm new. So I've been seeing my therapist for a little less than 2 months. I have incredibly intense feelings towards him - sometimes idealization, admiration, respect. Sometimes anger, frustration, hatred. Sometimes love, eroticism, romance. I assume these are due to transference. I brought it up once, but I didn't tell him everything (too embarrassed to mention the erotic stuff - he's gay and I'm a straight woman, not that transference knows the difference - but my dad is also gay, no underlying issues there *sarcasm*) He said we would talk about it again, but we haven't. I think he's waiting for me to bring it up. I'm pretty sure he knows there's more I'm not telling him, but he doesn't mention the word "transference" at all. In fact, we were talking the other day and he said, "I'm going to use the T-word, do you know what I'm talking about?" and for a second I almost blurted out, "Transference?" But of course I said I didn't know. Thank god because he answered, "Trauma." We were talking about childhood stuff. There's certainly plenty of it, and I haven't even gotten to the worst of it. I'm too busy being in love with him. Ugh.

Last session he suggested I begin group therapy and only see him once a month or "as needed" for individual sessions because I was "ready." I was crushed. It felt like total rejection and imminent abandonment. He said I didn't have to, that we could talk about it over the course of our next few sessions, and that if I decided not to, I didn't have to go the group route. But I feel like he wants me to, to get rid of me. Is he frustrated that I won't talk about the transference? It sure does make getting anything done in therapy difficult. But I'm terrified to bring up the rest of it (like that he plays the starring role in my sexual fantasies). Seriously?! I'm supposed to tell him that!?!?

So after he suggested group, I freaked out and told him I didn't want to see him this week (complete lie, I just had to run / push him away before he could hurt / abandon / push me away). So now I don't know whether to contact him (call? email?) and ask to see him this week after all because I really want to talk to him about all this. Should I ask to see him next week, since I said I didn't want to meet this week (even though I'm not sure I'll make it that long)? Or should I just wait and see if he calls me after this week to see if I want to meet next week after taking a "break" this week?

Please help!

Any advice is appreciated.

i am going through a similiar situation and i know its confusing and painful i think you should tell him just to process it, its hard enough to keep those feelings in, i know trust me, i have strong feelings for my male group t and am going to start processing them with my individual t you can read my recent posts to have a better understanding they are posted in psychotherapy threads if you wish to know where i am coming from as for your situation, its hard to keep those feelings to your self as they will manifest in other ways please process them with him if he is a good t he will know how to handle them good luck and keep us posted

Don't overthink this. If you want a session this week, pick up the phone and schedule one. If not, then don't. All the should I call, shouldn't I call, should I wait for him to call, how long should I wait, etc. is crazy-making. Just pick up the phone and be proactive.

[Melody_Bells]

PinaLily, You described your feelings so well, I can completely understand! He is only suggesting group therapy, he says you don't have to and you can talk about this option with him. Please call him ASAP so you can talk about your feelings! You don't even need to say the T word, just use plain language to describe your feelings.

I know it's very hard, but you can start by warning him that you're going into an embarrassing topic, and you need him to be sensitive and supportive.

When I told my T I her too, and she never made fun of me, never labeled it as transference or told me to stop my silly feelings... she accepted my feelings and told me it's natural.

Hope your session goes smoothly! Let us know!