Be still my transference heart...

Jeepers...

I thought I had kicked the transference habit! Feelings waned and I was neutral in his presence.

Then somehow the feelings got kicked up again and I found myself flush and butterflies were doing somersaults in my tummy!

I guess the transference is still head strong and just took a wee break to make me think I was done.

Drats!

Ah, transference is a sneaky, eeeevil little *****.
It must have been good taking a break from it, huh? Maybe next time it wont be as short.
Anyway, good luck with ditching the habit. If you find a way PLEASE let me know.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. The overwhelming probability is that your butterflies and somersaults will dissolve into anguish, possibly after several years. I didn't listen then, and you probably won't now- but I can't stay silent. I sincerely wish you all the best.

Listen to what, though? It's not like you can just make those butterflies "go away" ya know?

I understand!!!! You can't help how you feel, so enjoy the butterflies! This is part of therapy, it's very natural to have all kinds of feelings. They help you to know yourself better.

I've been feeling the butterflies for the past few years and am still enjoying the affectionate feelings I have for my T.

Thank you for the nice note, I'll write when I can!

(By the way I use the feelings to inspire poetry, compose songs, flower arrangements, craft projects... that's what I did and I showed T what my love for her inspired me to create.)

Ohhh I know this feeling all too well. Every time I think it's gone, it comes back and bites me in the *** again

I believe it's because that this "transference" thing (hate that word...bleh) is actually genuine love or affection...and you can't really make that go away. I think it subsides for a while because it's almost like we're having a battle of the wills with our heart. We try and ignore it, and are sometimes successful for a while, but in the end your heart wins.

It's hard isn't it?

Oh yes. I do know...and I was much older than you are now. End result? 13 years wasted holding on to those butterflies. I would not wish the eventual pain, not to mention the erosion of self-esteem, on anybody else. Let him know your feelings, he's heard it all if he has any experience. And listen to your brain, not your heart. What you are feeling is not uncommon, it's all about how he reacts to it. IF he leads you to believe that the feelings are mutual, run don't walk. Don't make the same soul-crushing error that I did.

Dear Ladies,
I am here to recover from a 13 year relationship with my shrink that became a full-blown emotional affair. Intellectually I knew that it would end badly, and indeed it has. 13 years. Think about it. I understand the exhilarating moments of connection and yes, love. I accept that he is human and as such is also vulnerable. But that was my personal rationalization for a relationship that, despite of his musings of running away with me, would actually never exist. I was weak, we did genuinely connect on many levels, yet he got the driver's seat and I became became the helpless passenger. I was young and pretty then, not so much now. In most cases, this is a heartbreak better experienced now rather than later.

Oh HP.....you sound like you know that you are not alone. Was yours only emotional? My break was recent, and if it wasn't for people that I really trusted, I would never have gotten out. It's odd to miss him and to feel grateful that I got out when I did.

My feelings surfaced for my therapist this past March. It was a school girl crush, puppy love if you will. After reading on this site that most of the transference is based on unmet childhood needs, I would have to say mine was/is firmly rooted in the 'here and now'. I'm attracted to the yummy man sitting inches from me.

The feelings had subsided (or so I thought) but this past Tuesday (my session day) they re-emerged 'big time'

I'm firmly planted in reality and understand the limitations that exist. He is an upstanding therapist, with a strong code of ethics.

He knows the depth of my feelings, I tend to be very open with all my feelings and emotions. I don't censor myself in life!

I'm just going to ride the wave...

gail

No. I felt completely alone until I joined this site. Some of my closest friends were aware of the general gist of the relationship, but none could truly understand, understandably, the real dynamics of the intensity. Yes, I miss him. For over a decade he was my closest supporter and confidante. But he was also cold, rude and dismissive for long periods. I have only very recently cut ties. And to be fair, I have not always been graceful or kind towards him. He has forgiven a lot. But in the end, I am the one who is traumatized.