[Mactastic]

I've been having some dreams about my T and they are making me really uncomfortable and scared.

Last night I had one where he and I were sexual and I was uncomfortable but my T kept saying, "it's ok, it's ok." Following that he got ice cold and terminated me, saying it was a mistake. In my dream, I consulted another T and she scolded me for crossing the boundaries, asking me "what did you think was going to happen?" I begged my T to take me back, explaining I didn't want to be intimate anyway but he wouldn't even talk to me.

I'm confused. Yes, my T is attractive, but no, I would never in a million years be unethical. His boundaries are clear and I really respect him for that. He knows I'm attracted and we've talked about it and it's cool.

So why the dreams? Ugh! These dreams really freak me out but it feels really inappropriate to discuss a sexual dream with him

[Gavinandnikki]

Been there, done that. And told her every juicy detail!

[smmath]

Can you say that you have had some dreams about him that make you uncomfortable, and see where it goes?

[RTerroni]

I guess this is normal and nothing to be scared about I'm sure they will go away soon.

I have been fortunate to have never had a sex dream about any of my Therapists past or present (at least as an adult) but than again I very rarely ever have sex dreams at all.

[Mactastic]

Thankfully the details are all fuzzy but there's no doubt we were intimate. If I continue to have these dreams is it ok to bring them up? I think it's related to him being on vacation and I miss him. This particular one bothered me all day.

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[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

Been there, done that. And told her every juicy detail!

I applaud you

How did you do it?! I am pretty brazen, but even I rediscover my inner shy person at the merest idea of going into detail.

(Though actually it's not the dreams when I'm sleeping I need to worry about personally, they've been pure and saintly...the surprise intrusion into my head sometimes when I have the raging horn, not so much!)

Originally Posted by Mactastic

If I continue to have these dreams is it ok to bring them up? I think it's related to him being on vacation and I miss him. This particular one bothered me all day....

So why the dreams? Ugh! These dreams really freak me out but it feels really inappropriate to discuss a sexual dream with him

They sound like they really trouble you, so I'd definitely bring them up to him if you can. I think it's totally appropriate. Like you already alluded to, it might have been about emotional closeness and distance, while having nothing to do with boundaries or sex.

[SabinaS]

I think it's definitely worth trying to talk about the dream with him. If you find it too difficult discussing the sexual nature, perhaps you could just say that you were being intimate together and leave the details out. It's not the sex but the what happened around it that could be useful to investigate - him encouraging you (despite your reservations) then rejecting you in a cruel way, which may have made feel as though you were being punished. The 2nd T also scolding you, even though it wasn't your responsibility - and you being left out in the cold, on your own (which might mirror what you're feeling now if your T is away).

If it is too difficult to discuss, you could start with asking yourself why the dream makes you feel scared and uncomfortable, what are the fears?

Also, I think it's very interesting that there are 3 people in your dream - you, male T and female T. Are you in psychodynamic therapy Mac? Could have some oedipal elements to it, which might be worth discussing. Hope you are ok, vacations can be a difficult time.

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by SabinaS

I think it's definitely worth trying to talk about the dream with him. If you find it too difficult discussing the sexual nature, perhaps you could just say that you were being intimate together and leave the details out. It's not the sex but the what happened around it that could be useful to investigate - him encouraging you (despite your reservations) then rejecting you in a cruel way, which may have made feel as though you were being punished. The 2nd T also scolding you, even though it wasn't your responsibility - and you being left out in the cold, on your own (which might mirror what you're feeling now if your T is away).

If it is too difficult to discuss, you could start with asking yourself why the dream makes you feel scared and uncomfortable, what are the fears?

Also, I think it's very interesting that there are 3 people in your dream - you, male T and female T. Are you in psychodynamic therapy Mac? Could have some oedipal elements to it, which might be worth discussing. Hope you are ok, vacations can be a difficult time.

Your advice really hits the nail on the head, Sabina. I'm really feeling everything you described. I decided this is worth exploring with him. It's been really bugging me and I've had variations on the same dream for weeks. I plan to email him the night before my session and explain that I'm having reoccurring dreams I want to talk about that are pretty embarrassing. I've been trusting him a lot lately and I think I can handle it. I feel confident he can, too. Can you elaborate on what I bolded above? I'm not sure what you mean about it and it has me curious. His judgement and abandonment have been a theme in my therapy so this dream will not surprise him. And yes, I'm in psychodynamic therapy.

Sabina-I loved your interpretation of Mac's dream.

Re. oedipal-my former therapist told me i had an oedipal complex. i was going to start a thread last night about it but actually thought no one would know what i was talking about.
Would you mind if i sent you a PM with a question about that? thanks

[Mactastic]

Originally Posted by skies

Sabina-I loved your interpretation of Mac's dream.

Re. oedipal-my former therapist told me i had an oedipal complex. i was going to start a thread last night about it but actually thought no one would know what i was talking about.
Would you mind if i sent you a PM with a question about that? thanks

I'd love a PM to hear more. Of course, if it's not too personal I'm okay with you posting on this thread. I bet others are curious

k. im short on time now, but will talk to you later!!

[SabinaS]

There are a few variations on Freud's original oedipus complex theory, so if you're interested, it's worth a google. The general idea is that we all go through a process of realising our parents are separate people from us, who also exist as separate a unit together (they have a different relationship as a couple, than to us as a parent/s). At some point in early childhood, we begin to notice this separateness and feel excluded. You know how small kids tend to think the whole world revolves around them? Well this is the start of realising it doesn't. At around the same time (2-4yrs according to Freud's theory), the child will tend to favour the parent of the opposite sex and try to push away the same sex parent. If all goes well, the child's feelings are responded to with kindness but the boundaries are maintained (the child fails to push one parent away and 'win' the other), and the couple stay intact. The child accepts their place, outside of the couple and his/her affections even out again between parents. That's a 'good' version of events.

For some people though (me included!), the process doesn't go as smoothly. In fact, if there are any problems very early on, between mother & baby, this can have a knock on effect too. Examples of when it doesn't go right: Mom & dad aren't a secure couple unit. Mom & child are overly close, so dad is not available. Mom might not be emotionally present, dad could be overly close or rejecting. There are lots of variations. In your case, you could think about what feelings the dream brought up and whether they reflect what you might have experienced early on. For instance, your T was quite overly close and tempting at first but then rejecting - this desire for closeness but being rejected, might reflect what you experienced from your father or your mother early on. It might not of course but it's worth exploring.

Some say that erotic transference in therapy is partly about sorting through your oedipal process.

If you want more details about my experience, let me know and I'll PM you. Hope this helps and makes sense, it's late here