[depressedandlonely]

I am unable to get over my former therapist who terminated me 2 years ago.
She terminated me due to my intense attachment and attraction toward her. She thinks thinks me being so intensely attached to her wasn't good for treatment.
And ever since she terminated me, my depression got worst. And i am unable to get over her at all. I tried every-thing. I tried distraction and using funny video to get my mind off her, but i still miss her so much every-day. Missing her simply make me feel even more depressed. I feel like no one else can take her place in my heart. I hate how i feel toward her.

[Moodswing]

Get a new therapist and talk about this issue.

[AmazingGrace7]

Hi dal,

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time.

Feelings of attachment to T are very normal in therapy. It is the responsibility of the (professionally trained) T to help you work through those intense feelings and help you understand the "why" behind them. It appears your T was not professionally equipped to handle your attachment, was experiencing her own countertransference, or (possibly) felt she might do more harm by remaining as your T. In the latter case, it is the professional duty of the T to refer the patient.

For your part, you need to give yourself permission to grieve the termination. It's natural to experience many feelings as it relates to your former T, including feelings of hopelessness. I encourage you to reach out to others for help.

I am a termination survivor of almost six years. I had a nervous breakdown, many ups and down days, began depression medication, and continued in therapy with other T's. Coupled with my former history, my life will never be the same. I am learning to embrace the person I have become as a result of his (selfish) decision. I still have difficult days but I have learned to give myself grace and allow them to ebb and flow, as needed.

It does hurt and I am sorry. I encourage you to reach out to another T who might be able to help.

[Jungatheart]

I understand those feelings. Sending compassion!
Can you tell more about how it ended? What was the termination like? It might help to get feedback with that.
Does it feel like betrayal or a very serious loss, or both?

Take care. You are not alone.

[depressedandlonely]

Originally Posted by Jungatheart

I understand those feelings. Sending compassion!
Can you tell more about how it ended? What was the termination like? It might help to get feedback with that.
Does it feel like betrayal or a very serious loss, or both?

Take care. You are not alone.

The last day of my session with her was horrible. I cried my eyes out in the session with her. Begging for her to changed her mind. And when it was time to say goodbye, i begged her to give me a goodbye hugs before we say goodbye, but she refused. She was so cold toward me at the end of the session. And i cried all the way from her office to the bus stop and cried hysterically on the bus ride home. It was the worst day of my life. April.14.2011 was the worst day of my life. I felt like she just doesn't care about me as a human being. Like she just want to get rid of me and not to be bothered by me. I felt rejected, abandoned and unloved by her. I am so head over heel in love with her. Trying to make her to like me. My BPD made me fearful of her abandoned me, so i push her away before she abandoned me and i guess she just feeling fed up and frustrated of me pushing her away that she just want to get rid of me. I hate myself for still having those intense feeling for her. I want to hate her but i can't do it at all.

[FeelTheBurn]

Wow, d&l. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. That sounds like it was absolutely wrenching, and your T handled it very poorly, from any angle.

I hope you are able to find someone who can help you get through this. Rooting for you...

[depressedandlonely]

Originally Posted by FeelTheBurn

Wow, d&l. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. That sounds like it was absolutely wrenching, and your T handled it very poorly, from any angle.

I hope you are able to find someone who can help you get through this. Rooting for you...

Thanks you.

[gnat]

As a former mental health counselor, I get your therapist's cold reaction. I imagine she feels terrible about what happened and does care about you, but was unable to continue working with you as she didn't think she could help the situation, only make it worse, by continuing to work with you.

When you watch movies about mental health professionals falling in love with their clients and running off together, it's a load of crap. In reality if a therapist is even suspected of having such a relationship, their career could very well be over and if a relationship did occur, legal matters would likely ensue.

I'm not saying she is in love with you too, but that she does care. That the coldness isn't because of her negative feelings for you, but the need to set clear boundaries.

It does suck to lose that person who really got you. I'm dealing with it myself, not from a therapist, but a close friend who I always referred to as my therapist, although I felt quite a lot like, "What about Bob." with my neediness and can't help but wonder if I wasn't so clingy, so demanding of his attention, like a three year old shouting, "Look at me! Look at me!" at even the smallest feat, perhaps things could have been different.
Problem is, they're not. What happened is what happened and I am trying to accept I cannot change that. I know I'll never replace him, and don't really want to move on, but I cannot continue this way either. I need to figure something out.

[nicoleflynn]

I think it was cruel of her to not hug you. That was unnecessary.

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. I think discussing it with a new T would help you. Take care.

[depressedandlonely]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I think it was cruel of her to not hug you. That was unnecessary.

She held me once. But i guess after that she though that hugging me would make me even more attached to her. So she denied

[Miswimmy1]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I am in the middle of being terminated by my old t, and its hurts like heck! I dont think i will ever really get over it. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know how much it hurts.

I found it helpful (although I dig my heels in every time i have to go to an appointment) to have a new t and talk about what i had with old t. It doesn't bring old t back, and it won't make up for what happened or replace what happened between us, but it helps to get some closure and just remember the good times we had together. You know?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by depressedandlonely

She held me once. But i guess after that she though that hugging me would make me even more attached to her. So she denied

Physical touch can be a boundary crossing. It kind of blurs the line between what is professional and what isn't. Her holding you in times of need would be different than a hug after each session. Maybe she realized that it was not theraputic in dealing with your transferance to do so...

[depressedandlonely]

I just really miss her and miss seeing her and being around her. :'(

[Jungatheart]

I am so sorry. I understand missing your old T. It's such a deep feeling.
I would say, from what you explained, that she could have transitioned you much much better. She failed at that. That's why termination plans are considered ethical. You are supposed to be able to process together why she can't support your well being. It's so situations like this don't happen.

I hope you are able to find a new therapist to help you work through the pain and blame.
Hang in there!

[ombrétwilight]

First of all,

It must be really hard to have to terminate this way and my heart goes out to you. I feel like your T could have at least given you a hug but some Ts have rules against touching their clients, so it may not have been anything personal. My own T has clear boundaries too (she never stated them but you could just tell she's not the hugging sort) which sucks because I really, really want her to hold me sometimes.

I hope you find peace and healing in time and my best advice would be to find another therapist to deal with this traumatic termination. It may seem impossible that anyone else can ever replace this T but I pray that you will find him/her! My own termination date is looming and I tremble just thinking about it.

[nicoleflynn]

Dear Gnat: I sent you a pm.

Thank you, Nicole

Originally Posted by gnat

As a former mental health counselor, I get your therapist's cold reaction. I imagine she feels terrible about what happened and does care about you, but was unable to continue working with you as she didn't think she could help the situation, only make it worse, by continuing to work with you.

When you watch movies about mental health professionals falling in love with their clients and running off together, it's a load of crap. In reality if a therapist is even suspected of having such a relationship, their career could very well be over and if a relationship did occur, legal matters would likely ensue.

I'm not saying she is in love with you too, but that she does care. That the coldness isn't because of her negative feelings for you, but the need to set clear boundaries.

It does suck to lose that person who really got you. I'm dealing with it myself, not from a therapist, but a close friend who I always referred to as my therapist, although I felt quite a lot like, "What about Bob." with my neediness and can't help but wonder if I wasn't so clingy, so demanding of his attention, like a three year old shouting, "Look at me! Look at me!" at even the smallest feat, perhaps things could have been different.
Problem is, they're not. What happened is what happened and I am trying to accept I cannot change that. I know I'll never replace him, and don't really want to move on, but I cannot continue this way either. I need to figure something out.

[Lauliza]

I hope things are better for you and hope you will see a new therapist. I am going to be a therapist and understand her reaction as well. A hug would have been nice, but for whatever reason she felt it wasn't appropriate.

Regardless of anyone's opinion of how the T handled the situation, the real issue now is how you can go about accepting the past and moving forward in your life. I know you feel like you don't want to but the past has happened, it is over and it cannot be changed. I do really hope you can find a new therapist that can help you sort through your pain and work with you in learning to find acceptance with what has happened and to focus on a present and future that is healthy and constructive for you.