Do you ever flirt with your therapist?

My therapist and I are the same age (mid 30's) and I think it's safe to say we're both reasonably attractive (though to me he's just about near a God because of my transference, lol.) I have never flirted with my therapist and he's never been flirtatious with me. I think it's best this way, the more I reflect on it. I don't flirt with him because 1) I respect him a great deal, 2) I'm scared of the outcome and 3) I'm not sure flirting has any place in a proper C-T relationship.

Have you ever flirted with your therapist? What happened? Did they "call you out," ignore it, or flirt back?

My T has flirted with me what appears to be several times. I've done it to him a handful. Though sometimes I say something a little outlandish, and he either changes the subject or gives me a strange look. He lets me know by that if I'm crossing any boundaries.

We've talked about exercise and how much we both hate it. I was like, "well didn't they work you hard in the army? I'll bet you looked gooooood and ripped back then!" Lol I couldn't help myself. He laughed it off and said, "well yeah, they worked us like dogs."

Honestly I can't help it. I'm a human being, and especially in therapy, I will say pretty much anything. Flirting is easy to me because it has nothing to do with painful emotions. It's much easier to joke and shoot the **** with him than it is to talk about my "feelings" for him.

Why do you think it has no place in the therapeutic relationship? Aren't we all human?



“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

Maybe I might be a little old-fashioned. I'd never flirt with a married co-worker, no matter what. Since I don't know if my T is married or single I choose to assume he's married and be respectful of that.

So you view your T as a co-worker? I do agree flirting has no place in a professional work environment. But I act like my actual self in session. If I came in acting like I do at work (which is on edge and "fake nice"), we would never get anything accomplished.

I guess our relationship is its own entity. I can't think of any place it would fit. Not romantic, not paternal, not brotherly, not friendly, not professional... And yet maybe even a smattering of all of them? Confusing, to say the least. This is why I hate therapy.

“I’m good at loving books. I’m good at loving soft bed sheets. I’m good at loving coffees and teas. I am good at loving things that can’t love me back, that don’t have the power to leave. And maybe, that’s why I love them.”

Sometimes I think I do

What does 'flirt' mean? I never understood this termine thought I know this word, I just can't understand how it's like...
How can I know I'm flirting or not?

Flirting is trying to make someone interested in you sexually or desire a relationship with you. It is a series of behaviors designed to attract the attention of the opposite sex (or the sex you're attracted to, of course).

I am a born flirt.......so, yes.

So long as boundaries are kept then mild flirting is harmless. In general it's just a form of friendliness taken to a higher level. I always thought it meant you were hitting on the person, but I've learned that mild flirting is not at all. It's just a way to keep yourself feeling alive. However, if you take it to a sexual level, then it is inappropriate in therapy. It's just a gateway for misinterpretation and hurt feelings.

I think that everyone does it from time to time if they are seeing someone of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's what they are attracted to) and not that far apart in age from them.

I did flirt a couple of times when I started getting a crush on him awhile back, but not anymore. I used men to get love and attention because of my abuse, so it was natural for me to act this way and I noticed it right away when it happened. I was able to nip in the bud. I feel love for him now, but it's not romantic at all. I think it's extreme appreciation.

I felt a little foolish after flirting with him, because he's 15 years younger than me and I'm not a cougar.

So flirting can interfere with therapy.

NO....I do not flirt with my therapist.

We may crack a joke once in a while to deflect or lighten the mood or to be sarcastic about my foolishness...but no...never to get male attention.

My T is there to help me within the safe confines of the therapeutic relationship. It does not include ANYTHING sexually related between us. I may have a question about something "sexual" but I would ask it pretty much straight out. Because I am terribly shy, just doesn't come up much...

Plus my T is married and I would never do anything inappropriate. I respect him too much.

-WB

I do suppose I see my T as a coworker. We're both working towards the same thing and I view him as a professional. I agree with what you're saying, though. I love my T dearly but it has it's own entity. My love for him isn't platonic, familial, or romantic. It's the love one can only have for their therapist. It's hard for people outside of therapy to understand.

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You described it perfectly Mactastic. It's a special kind of love that has no name. I used feel ashamed of my love for him, but don't any longer. There isn't enough love in this world, so why feel ashamed of it. I think they love us a little too, especially if they've worked with us a long time.

I also used to have deep shame for my loving feelings but the shame has nearly disappeared since I talked it over with my T and he still respected me. He has remained steadfast and predictable, the same man I fell in love with from the beginning, even after I fell flat on my face . It's been a wonderful experience I won't forget. It's going to hurt when I say goodbye one day but I think there will be a part of me that will always hold a special part of my heart just for him.

I haven't talked to my T about it yet but I plan to. How can you not feel love for a person who's accepted you, warts and all, and has listened to your most intimate and deepest darkest secrets.

I see this kind of love as extremely healing because for once in my life I feel there was someone out there that cared enough to listen and guide me along the rough stuff and for the most part, always be there for me. That was something my parents were supposed to do and never did.

I don't even want to think of the day we say goodbye, but I think when I'm finally ready to leave I'll be ok with it. One T wrote in an article that for him it was like seeing his kids go off to college. You're happy for them, but you'll miss them just the same. That was kind of sweet.

I think it is harmless sometimes flirt, on a small scale. Two grown ups in company will on occasion be in good mood. I do not see where anyone can have a issue with this.
Laughing about something might be a better idea though. I kind of like it when she laughs.

For us, it's all in the eyes.... The things left unsaid, or right on the edge of being said. Mutual respect keeps it in check, although I can't say I've never imagined abandoning all limitations. What's great about imagination is that it's safe. I'd never openly flirt - I'm terrified of opening myself up to rejection and/or humiliation.

The one time my T openly laughed out loud, face all lit up and smiling widely, I thought about it long after..... So real. So human. A nice reminder that I'm not REALLY talking to a blank slate, but someone who feels emotion as well.

It's very comforting, at least for me, that my T isn't afraid to show he's human too. Over time it's also helped me put the relationship into perspective.

It don't think it really interferes with mine. I can see how it could be harmful if used in the wrong context. But I've since talked about all this with my T, and the seas have been pretty calm.

"She had blue skin, and so did he. He kept it hid, and so did she. They searched for blue, their whole life through, then passed right by- and never knew."

HELL TO THE NO ... !!!

Just sayin' ...

Not sure if I actually flirt. I just dress nice and make sure I smell nice and act like a lady. Except when I'm in a bad memory or talking about something painful, then I'm crying and blowing my nose. Probably a turn off for him ha ha.
But he always dresses professionally. No aftershave though. Probably a good thing, I'd claw his shirt off ha ha.
I don't know if he knows I'm sexually attracted, he's about my age and handsome, but we have a job to do and he's so ethical it drives me nuts, but it's actually good for me and my safety I know that. Doesn't stop me dressing nicely though.
If I was going to flirt, I'd laugh at his jokes, wink at him and sit provocatively.

Hell no.