[genocya]

In love with him since 2012, but feelings are getting stronger since September/October when i got back to him (since july 2013), maybe because i didn't see him since 2013 and because my relationship with my boyfriend was getting complicated because of many things...

I said to him about my feelings and it was wonderful, he was so kind to me and i cried because of some things of my life and past/traumas and in the end, i was going to self-harm when i was going to leave his office but he said: ''i want to you to come every week now from now, okay? don't worry about your financial problem, i'm not worry about that, pay what you need'' and i didn't self harmed, he made one thing that was incredible: i didn't self harmed because of that and it made me happy

But what i do now? i don't want to lose this feelings.. don't worry, i know that i will never be with him and he is married and have children, i don't have hopes because of that and be a patient, i'll not do anything. But it hurts, you know, it hurts so much, i'm scared to tell him about that, but i need, right?! i want! and he wants too! he said to me to tell everything and he wants to our relationship stronger and my trust to him be stronger too! so i think i will tell, i'm so bad, i want to die, i want to self harm and i'm so angry and sad, i have borderline personality disorder and i don't want to give up to him in my treatment

I am sorry you are going through this. I can imagine that it must be very awkward and strange. But here is my honest opinion. I think that you should weigh all the pros and cons as far as the decision to tell your therapists these emotions. Your therapist may decide that this emotional attachment will have an affect on your ability to heal and manage your BPD.

In the long run, you have to do what you think is best for you. I would just hate to see you get hurt, especially as you seem to benefit greatly as a patient.

[genocya]

Thank you He is kind and i will tell him how can i work with my transference with him, i ''love him'' if you know what i'm talking about, i don't love him but i'm love with him but this hurts me so much... but at the same time i want to work with my transference with him because it can be good if we know the boundaries (i will not abuse him!)
but i don't know how can i work with these feelings for him