I told T2 about ET towards T1 today. He almost asked me directly after I told him about a dream I had with a sexual element that I said I thought was about T1.
Telling him and receiving his validation was so immensely freeing. The feeling is indescribable.
I felt very guilty about it because I am in a loving marriage, but he said I had set very rigid boundaries on myself because of previous sexual trauma, and there was nothing wrong or unusual about having sexual thoughts or fantasies about other people, even in a healthy relationship. It was such a relief to have these thoughts validated because it was eating me up inside. I want to talk more about it now. It removes the shame.

[WrkNPrgress]

It's good to hear the bit about fantasies when your in a LTR. It happens. We're human.

Congratulations.

Thank you
Erotic transference came out of nowhere and I have found it hard to admit it, let alone accept it. Today was the first time I have verbalised it, and when I told T2 it made it more real which made me feel more guilty. His acceptance and validation just blew me away.

[Soccer mom]

Good for you! Could you ever talk to T1 about it?

I had a big realization last week. I was watching Parenthood and there was a scene where the husband was embracing his wife. I thought about my T. in that role being embraced by her H. Then, it moved to me and then I realized I was never able to love on my mom or vice versa. Totally broke down in tears and realized where some/most/all of my ET comes from. Still haven't told my T. yet but it's on my "list".

I never wanted to love on my mom but must have wanted it at some point for it to come up. Try to explore what you get out of the ET. Once I started trying to find the meaning behind it, it's helped me accept it. I'm still annoyed, shamed, embarrassed, frustrated, etc. by it but hopefully I'm chipping pieces away. My T. agrees the only way through it is to talk about it. That's the hard part since it's directed towards her.

Funnily enough there has been a lot of maternal transference too. I have been reenacting my relationship with my mother with him to some extent. My mum died last year (I think yours died recently too?)
I don't think I could talk to T1 about it because he has deflected most transference talk by saying 'I don't recognise the concept of transference'. He has basically has not made it easy for me to talk about it. I have thought about emailing him it all, but I dunno. I have to work a lot harder at the self-acceptance bit before I could ever risk his rejection.

[WrkNPrgress]

'I don't recognise the concept of transference'.

Well, that's interesting. how did that statement come up, may I ask? How does he interpret client/therapist infatuation?

I never got as far as working out how he interprets client/therapist infatuation. I tried to raise the subject of transference and he basically blocked it with that statement. It totally scared me off talking about it. I think that is why admitting it to T2 has been such a relief, because I have been burying those feelings.

[Soccer mom]

Oh, yeah, I remember you saying that he made that statement and me disagreeing. Good grief, my T. expects transference to some degree with everyone. I just have a more intense case due to yes, my mom's death.

I'm glad you have T2 to to talk to. I think we've had this discussion, so forgive me for not remembering. But, would you ever move to T2 only? THere's a good chance the transference would follow you.

My T. said one time that something she is doing is feeding it. She said sometimes it's very obvious and sometimes it's not and never figured out. My T. is very direct and has the same sense of humor as my Mom. So, I think that's what feeds it. It's a constant battle not to treat her poorly or push her away like I did my mom. It feels absolutely uncomfortable to be close to her yet feels awesome at the same time.

I am so torn about whether to go back to T1 or stay with T2. Every time I make my mind up something changes. I think he did feed the maternal transference, but not the ET, I can't even bare to think about it enough to understand where it comes from...

[nicoleflynn]

We should never be ashamed of our feelings; they arent right or wrong, they simply....are. I have loved my t for many years.