[CrazyLo]

I had a T for six years and she broke my heart. She is a woman and I am a woman. I am heterosexual. But I fell in love with her. She had the worst boundaries ever. She was constantly confusing me by either having no boundaries and then going through phases where she had a lot of boundaries. I knew more about her than most of her friends. It was a very unhealthy relationship but I loved her so much that I couldn't stop seeing her. Then I became manic and abruptly terminated our therapeutic relationship. I expected her to stay in touch, and she told me she would. But she broke her promise. She went through a whole pregnancy and didn't tell me until right before she had her child. It took me an entire year to stop crying over her.

Then I saw her last Spring (we met for coffee) because, yup, all of the sudden her boundaries were back down. She bought me food and we talked a long time. She was moving to a different state and said she would be back here in six months and we could meet up again. Since then, she had been keeping in touch with me every once in awhile via email. She would send me pictures and videos of her daughter. But now I've been trying to get a hold of her for two months and she is completely not responding. My old abandonment feelings are resurfacing. I have a therapist now who I've been seeing for a year and it is a good, healthy relationship. So I don't want to see my former T ever again, as a therapist at least. But I still love her and need to know how she is doing.

My current T thinks it's best if I just don't talk to her anymore. But it's so hard...I miss her so much. She really f***ed with my head and my heart.

Who can relate?

So sorry you are going through this. My first therapist also had inconsistent boundaries and I still have loving feelings towards him 8 months after I stopped seeing him. He recently followed me on Twitter which was weird but I felt ok about it, but recently feelings for him have resurfaced because I'm going through a rough patch with current T.
I don't have any advice for you really, just that I can empathise. I honestly don't think T's understand what inconsistent boundaries do to a client. It's the most confusing and hurtful thing to be entrenched in.
Maybe your T is right, but the feelings of attachment will only lessen when you are ready to move on.

[AuroraBorealis75]

That's a terrible thing for your former T to do to you - messing with your head and your emotions like that. As hard as it may be, I think your current T is right about cutting off all contact with your former T. It will be hard at first, but it will get easier. I think you need to disentangle yourself from that awful woman.

[CrazyLo]

Yeah, I probably should. The problem is I don't think she is awful at all because I'm still in love with her. She is a good person but she really screwed things up. I know I was her mistake when it comes to her career as a therapist.