For some reason I imagine T's partner (and most people's partners) to be a man who does not really like me but is very impressive, and T has to talk him into not being unpleasant to me when we meet. I suppose I imagine that I will not get approval from him, which probably suggests that I don't feel I get real approval from T.

Do you think about this as well?

[frackfrackfrack]

I like the idea of figuring out what the answer to your question means for each of us.

I know that my T does not have a long-term partner and that he dates. But I do find myself wondering how I compare to his partners. I know that I am close to the type of woman he likes (intellectually and sexually), so I wonder if he has found someone even better than me.

[Tearinyourhand]

Ts wife is GORGEOUS. She has that classy yoga mom look about her. T showed me a pic and I told him how hot she was and it surprised me how genuinely happy I was that his wife was so gorgeous.

beyond what she looks like I don't know any thing else about her except she's older than me and T and she refused to get a mom haircut when she started having kids. sometimes I wonder about their sex life. I have no basis for thinking it's probably satisfying for T. I don't know he seems in good spirits most days.

Parts of me envy Ts wife because he chose her and makes his life with her but it doesn't make me sad the way I thought it would based on my feelings for T.

I did think it was hilarious that Ts wife and I love the same kind interior design styles and swipe Skymall catalogs from planes. (back when they were a thing)

[Lemonpledge]

I'm gay but I want to tell my therapist I can take him to places he's never known. Sexually that is.
I know his wife could not do sexually to him what I could do for him. I do wonder about that. I just told my therapist a month ago about me being gay. As he said he would have never figured that out as I am married 12 years married and so be it I might be gay/bi

Possible trigger:

When I used to have sex with my husband, he would orgasm without cumming and I bet , no in fact I know his wife hasn't done that for him. Oh and btw, after he has his orgasm without the cum, he later on cums. He loves it and says he's never experienced that before.

Anyways I can't picture my T with anyone but if I did, she would be exactly like him.

[Chummy]

I have seen a picture of my T's boyfriend on his Facebook. He looks boyish. He's about the same age as T. He's good looking, though I wouldn't fall for him. I know what work he does. I don't know more than that. He seems like a nice, funny, laid-back guy.

I wonder a lot about pdoc's partner or what kind of women he dates. I've no idea if he has a partner, I only know that he isn't married. I wonder if he has only serious relationships or if he has one night stand or has friends with benefits.

[Inner_Firefly]

T's partner is probably better,smarter, prettier and richer than me, that's why T didn't choose me.

[LonesomeTonight]

I think about what his wife is like on occasion. But it's like I both want to know and don't want to know at the same time. And honestly, lately I've thought that I just hope she makes him happy and feel loved. Because he deserves that. (And if she doesn't, then...)

[Daystrom]

She's single and I'm terrified she'll find someone. If/when she does I don't think I'll be able to stand it and I will have to cut and run.

[Inner_Firefly]

How does everyone here know your T's relationship status? Mine never talks about her personal life. I asked her but she won't answer.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

How does everyone here know your T's relationship status? Mine never talks about her personal life. I asked her but she won't answer.

My marriage counselor talks about his personal life all the time. When we first started therapy with him, it was mostly stories from when he was a camp counselor as a teen. Then he's shared more and more, generally related to some degree to the issues we (or I) are having--raising his kids (now teens), stuff he's been through in the past including social anxiety and issues with his father, etc. (and on a less personal note, the sports teams he roots for, his preferred flavor of Gatorade--there was context for that--etc.) Though mainly just brief mentions of his wife. His openness about personal things has definitely contributed to the transference. He's anything but a blank slate.

I know considerably less about my T (that's just maternal transference), but still know she's married (her husband used to work in the same office) and has two kids and a couple grandkids and that she plays tennis. She'll occasionally share a few things from her life.

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

How does everyone here know your T's relationship status? Mine never talks about her personal life. I asked her but she won't answer.

Yes, in fact I met two of their spouses. Very nice people. Very normal, typical people. My current T is not married but I've seen pictures of his most recent girlfriend and he's talked about her a fair amount. Again, pretty normal person as far as I can tell. I've never felt particularly threatened or intimidated by my therapists having their own personal relationships. I would hope they do really.

[frackfrackfrack]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

How does everyone here know your T's relationship status? Mine never talks about her personal life. I asked her but she won't answer.

I did a lot of online searching and snooping. Its not things T told me. Most days I can't decide if its better to know or not to know

[baseline]

His wife is pretty and smart. He wears his wedding band and they have been married at least 19 years. They have kids. And I admire him but am nothing but a client and soon won't be even that.

[growlycat]

I don't know anything about CBT's wife. I imagine she has a high powered career, is pretty and athletic, slim. Very Californian. Surfs or runs marathons etc. Just guessing.

[CantExplain]

I have seen Madame T's husband and Mr T's wife. Apart from curiosity I didn't feel any strong emotions either way.

What is the hot yoga mom look that was mentioned earlier?

[Chummy]

Originally Posted by Inner_Firefly

How does everyone here know your T's relationship status? Mine never talks about her personal life. I asked her but she won't answer.

I know about T's because I looked on her Facebook. And 2,5 years ago she was pregnant.
I'm not sure about pdoc, but he doesn't wear a ring. Though not everyone who's married wears a ring.

[SallyBrown]

I think about this a fair amount. Actually this describes really well about where I'm at with it:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I think about what his wife is like on occasion. But it's like I both want to know and don't want to know at the same time. And honestly, lately I've thought that I just hope she makes him happy and feel loved. Because he deserves that. (And if she doesn't, then...)

On one hand, I want to know. On the other... not so much. I have done a small amount of Google exploration (JUDGE AWAY, HATERS) and it seems she and I are not very much alike. In some ways yes, but our personalities seem different. He doesn't talk about her much, in part because he has a pretty psychoanalytic orientation, and in part because every time he does I figuratively curl up into a ball and die and it's not really worth it. I feel guilty that I can't seem to handle it, but I can't, and don't really know what I'd have to do to be able to handle it. Or again, if that's even worth it.

On one hand, it hurts to think that she's better than me -- more attractive or smarter or nicer or funnier or whatever. On the other, I would really want her to be the best FOR him, because he deserves the best. I might feel jealous, but at the same time, I know that if I knew she wasn't good to him, it would be really upsetting to me.

It's a difficult stalemate. I had a dream recently where I met her (NO NO NO) and was surprised that I actually kind of liked her -- and was annoyed by that .

[Tearinyourhand]

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

I think about this a fair amount. Actually this describes really well about where I'm at with it:


On one hand, I want to know. On the other... not so much. I have done a small amount of Google exploration (JUDGE AWAY, HATERS) and it seems she and I are not very much alike. In some ways yes, but our personalities seem different. He doesn't talk about her much, in part because he has a pretty psychoanalytic orientation, and in part because every time he does I figuratively curl up into a ball and die and it's not really worth it. I feel guilty that I can't seem to handle it, but I can't, and don't really know what I'd have to do to be able to handle it. Or again, if that's even worth it.

On one hand, it hurts to think that she's better than me -- more attractive or smarter or nicer or funnier or whatever. On the other, I would really want her to be the best FOR him, because he deserves the best. I might feel jealous, but at the same time, I know that if I knew she wasn't good to him, it would be really upsetting to me.

It's a difficult stalemate. I had a dream recently where I met her (NO NO NO) and was surprised that I actually kind of liked her -- and was annoyed by that .

I sort of want to meet Ts wife but I sorta don't. I feel like she's the older cool girl dating the cute smart guy tutoring me in French. she seems both knowable and unknowable. I know she's more beautiful/elegant/effortlessly cooler than me. I'm a quirky twee fortysomething teenager. we are totally opposites lookwise but we both look like leads on Shonda Rimes shows. lol.

[junkDNA]

i know my Ts girlfriend. im glad my T has her and her kids. they live together now. i dont feel negative about it at all. i want my T to be happy. i dont have romantic feelings for him so maybe thats why it doesnt bother me

I saw T1's wife when I was waiting for my session once. Her picture is also on his website as she's a T too. He also used to talk about his home life a lot.
I think T2 is married but I know nothing about her and I'm not really interested.

[Inner_Firefly]

Wow, I'm fascinated by everyone whose Ts revealed their partners. I would be devastated if I knew my T was married. I would feel left out and envious, thinking about the romantic things she is doing with her partner.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

No. Never. I have much more important things to dwell on.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I know my therapist is married. She mentions her husband from time to time. She practices out of her home, and I've met him briefly in the driveway. He seems like a pretty reserved person, and my therapist seems to be a really outgoing person.

I also am one of those people who has googled my T, and as a result know things about her husband I wish I didn't know.

[iheartjacques]

My t is married. She's a dr. She's been in the papers. I one hand I'm happy he's married, but it's kinda depressing as well.