[AuroraBorealis75]

I have one more day to get through before I see my therapist and read her my letter about my romantic feelings for her. I just want it to be over. Every time I get anxious, about this my whole body tenses up, including my shoulder which is still healing from dislocating it 3 weeks ago. Lack of sleep is probably contributing to my anxiety too. With my shoulder the way it is I just can't seem to find a comfortable position for sleeping, and I wake up countless times each night.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I feel like I might be sick.

[LonesomeTonight]

Just a thought--rather than you reading the letter out loud, would it be easier if you just handed it to her to read (not out loud, just in her head)? I did that recently when showing my T something I'd e-mailed to my marriage counselor about the transference (he's been great about it). It was easier than having to read the letter out loud or just say what was in my head. I'm sure it will still be very difficult, just one way to take a little stress off...

[LonesomeTonight]

And is there anything between now and your appointment you could do to occupy yourself? Like go out someplace, take a walk, etc.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I would love to go for a long walk by the river, but finally, after a very hot, dry summer, we are getting some much needed rain, and even carrying an umbrella with my uninjured arm puts strain on my injured shoulder, and the dampness makes my shoulder ache even more. Sorry for whining.

[Chummy]

I have talked to my T about my feelings for my pdoc. I told her in an email. And another time, when these feelings were really bothering me, I wrote it down in a letter and she read it in session.
I told my pdoc about my feelings about 6 weeks ago. I actually wanted to quit. Not really, but because of the high anxiety. He asked me why. And then, after some stuttering, I just said ''I have romantic feelings for you''. It wasn't a great session. I couldn't look at him. I didn''t said much more about it. I don't think it's necessary for me. But he reacted good. And today I had an appointment with him and even though I was really anxious before the appt, during it actually went kind of alright. He just acted normal and he was so nice.

It's very hard to tell a T about your feelings for them. Maybe for you even more because she's a woman and of your religious believes. But if she's a good T, then she will react good. I know about the anxiety. It's so not a good feeling. But in my experience things often go better than you expected. You just have to go through the anxiety, which is so hard. But after you will (probably) feel better.

Good luck tomorrow

[AuroraBorealis75]

It's 550 words. Do you think that's too long? I am a total wreck. I've been trying so hard to hold it together these last few weeks, but I feel like I am falling apart. I was supposed to go to an orientation for my practicum in a preschool today, but I got the days mixed up and I thought it was tomorrow instead of today. I was supposed to find out what days I am doing my practicum, so i could figure out my therapy schedule with my therapist tomorrow, and now it's all messed up and I won't know until Friday now. I feel like such a loser. I even had it written down for Sept. 1st. Don't know why I had it in my head as Sept. 2. I can't stop crying.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I am fast spiralling down and even though I am not even remotely hungry I feel like going on a massive binge.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I feel like I am on the verge of a panic attack. It's hard to breathe.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75

It's 550 words. Do you think that's too long? I am a total wreck. I've been trying so hard to hold it together these last few weeks, but I feel like I am falling apart. I was supposed to go to an orientation for my practicum in a preschool today, but I got the days mixed up and I thought it was tomorrow instead of today. I was supposed to find out what days I am doing my practicum, so i could figure out my therapy schedule with my therapist tomorrow, and now it's all messed up and I won't know until Friday now. I feel like such a loser. I even had it written down for Sept. 1st. Don't know why I had it in my head as Sept. 2. I can't stop crying.

I don't think 550 words is too long--then again, when I had a misunderstanding with my marriage counselor and was upset with him, I sent him an e-mail that was like 850 words long (and even had bullet points). I think it's better that you have something where you feel you explain yourself and say what you want to say than to worry about length.

And I mix up days all the time, so I understand that part. You have a lot on your mind. Good luck tomorrow--let us know how it goes. I'm sure she'll be understanding.

[AuroraBorealis75]

Totally freaking about therapy tomorrow. Major anxiety and i don't have any prns, nothing to take for it. I might just be handing her the letter for her to read it. Maybe it's easier that way.

[LonesomeTonight]

Did you talk to her today? How did it go? (Or is it tomorrow--not sure what time zone you're in)

[AuroraBorealis75]

It went far better than I could have hoped for. She said she thought that was what was coming. I just told someone in RL my deepest, darkest secret, and I wasn't rejected or abandoned. She even hugged me before I left. But I still feel like a complete wreck. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I still feel so raw.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by AuroraBorealis75

It went far better than I could have hoped for. She said she thought that was what was coming. I just told someone in RL my deepest, darkest secret, and I wasn't rejected or abandoned. She even hugged me before I left. But I still feel like a complete wreck. I feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I still feel so raw.

I commented in another thread, but just wanted to say again that I'm glad she responded so well. It's totally normal to still feel like a wreck after something like that. I know when I told my marriage counselor of my feelings for him, particularly the first individual session where we talked about it, I felt like new wounds had been opened--like you said, raw. In that case, he responded really well, too, but over the course of talking about it, other stuff came up, like going back to childhood, needs for safety/security, fear of abandonment, etc. It just sort of unearthed a lot of stuff in my head. It took (and is still taking) some time to work through all that (partly with my T, too). But it sounds like your T is willing to work with you on it, which is great. Try to get some rest...

[AuroraBorealis75]

I felt so loved, really, really loved - not sexually, just loved for who I am. Why does love have to be so complicated? Why can't there be different words for platonic and romantic love?

[RedSun]

Wow, well done, sounds like a really good outcome too!

[AuroraBorealis75]

I don't know why I feel so depressed today.

[RedSun]

I sometimes get that therapy comedown after a really intensive session. It feels great straight afterwards, then I seem to plummet for a bit. I think maybe the emotions are overwhelming, which can be exhausting, and brings a low mood.
Hopefully you will process it all over the next couple of days and feel a bit more on the level.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I can't say I felt great after therapy yesterday - more like flooded. I guess I felt relieved, but also overwhelmed.

[LonesomeTonight]

Agreed on the whole therapy letdown thing that Red mentioned. There's also the fact that you felt so accepted by and close to your T, and now I'm guessing you won't see her till next week. So it's almost like withdrawal. (This happens to me with my marriage counselor at times.)

[AuroraBorealis75]

i won't see her for at least 2 weeks, but I won't know exactly when because I don't find out my practicum schedule until tomorrow, and my T doesn't work on Fridays, so I probably won't be able to schedule my next appointment until Tuesday.

[ramonajones]

I think you're so brave to tell your therapist. I can't get the words out to tell mine even though I'm pretty sure he already knows. The worst part is that I found his wife's Facebook page and have now seen a bunch of photos with him and his happy family in their beautiful home. It seriously hurts my heart.

[AuroraBorealis75]

I couldn't actually speak the words. I just gave her the letter I wrote.