[Hopelesspoppy]

As a recently liberated 15+ year veteran I have some opinions and advice about dual-transference emotionally charged therapist/client relationships. It can be tricky to find people genuinely committed to getting over it rather than either seeking strategies for revenge or coyly "complaining" about the challenges of love with a therapist. Yes, I went through all that (not here) many times through the years. The reality is harsh when it crashes in. And at least in my case, I cannot brand him as "evil", I wish I could. He was going through an existential crisis of his own and actively seduced me. Fortunately some sense kicked in and we both dodged a huge bullet. By that time I had become an emotional threat and he became resentful. I miss him, we could/should have had a healthy relationship. But....no matter how mutual our relationship may have been at certain points, he exposed and took advantages my vulnerability in a vile and selfish manner and is not man enough to be accountable. I wish for you to achieve that clarity, though it will take time. Am I happy? no. Do I feel used, useless, discarded and worthless? Yep. But there is too much negativity going on in my life and finally I don't wait around for him to make me feel better- it was never more than a band-aid.

[healingme4me]

Thanks for sharing

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[UglyDucky]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

As a recently liberated 15+ year veteran I have some opinions and advice about dual-transference emotionally charged therapist/client relationships. It can be tricky to find people genuinely committed to getting over it rather than either seeking strategies for revenge or coyly "complaining" about the challenges of love with a therapist. Yes, I went through all that (not here) many times through the years. The reality is harsh when it crashes in. And at least in my case, I cannot brand him as "evil", I wish I could. He was going through an existential crisis of his own and actively seduced me. Fortunately some sense kicked in and we both dodged a huge bullet. By that time I had become an emotional threat and he became resentful. I miss him, we could/should have had a healthy relationship. But....no matter how mutual our relationship may have been at certain points, he exposed and took advantages my vulnerability in a vile and selfish manner and is not man enough to be accountable. I wish for you to achieve that clarity, though it will take time. Am I happy? no. Do I feel used, useless, discarded and worthless? Yep. But there is too much negativity going on in my life and finally I don't wait around for him to make me feel better- it was never more than a band-aid.

I've spent the last three days talking to myself about how deeply I'm going to hurt getting through my current transference and the attachment I'm developing for my T. It's been a rough, down and dirty monologue, reminding myself that T has a life and is there for me to play out the emotions and experiences I needed to get through as a child. There's no hope for a relationship other than therapist and client, no matter how I might try to make that happen in the next months. I think I'm ready for the work and emotions I need to do/expose. I'm scared to death.

[Hopelesspoppy]

You dear thing. It takes such tremendous courage to give up the intimacy and validation. I am not a role model, it took me over 15 years. It aged me. It traumatized me. I am still far from in a good place. However, having no expectations was eventually less painful than empty words and promises. And I stand by that. I've been through the stages of grief, more than once. Now all I crave is indifference, not quite there.
Years ago he gave me his childhood teddybear, at the time and for long after it was a crutch for me. I sent it back to him 2 weeks ago with a note saying that although it no longer gave me comfort I could not bring myself to put it into the garbage. It was a symbolic move that spoke volumes.
It is still hard, I have a tough life and under other circumstances his presence would be a tremendous help.
But it is gone. Took way too long. Lean on us, I will do whatever I can. I hate hearing these stories of abuse of trust. I wish it on nobody.

[magicalprince]

I want reality too. It's hard to figure out how to build on the feelings rather than drown in them.

[precaryous]

What happened to me negatively affected four generations of my family.
It traumatized me, embarrassed me and angered me.
I did the best that I could to hold him accountable. Closure does not exist.
I won't repeat it here but you can search my screen name for details.

I'm sorry you had to experience reality, too.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

The reality is harsh when it crashes in. And at least in my case, I cannot brand him as "evil", I wish I could. He was going through an existential crisis of his own and actively seduced me.

Same here. My T was nothing close to evil and had mostly good intentions. She did not even actively seduce me. It was unconscious mostly. And it was largely emotional seduction.

So then the impulse is to blame myself, or to assume I am even more disturbed than I thought.

But the truth is that I am not to blame, and she is only accountable to an extent, and both of us are worthy of compassion. The truth, in my view, is that the system itself spawns these perverse relationships.

[growlycat]

my situation is sheer internal fantasy. I don't believe either of us would act on anything. I doubt he has any feelings like that for me.

[wheeler]

I wish I knew what reality is, or was. She said things and made promises but I now question all of it. Which means I of course question everything with new T.

[spring2014]

Originally Posted by Hopelesspoppy

As a recently liberated 15+ year veteran I have some opinions and advice about dual-transference emotionally charged therapist/client relationships. It can be tricky to find people genuinely committed to getting over it rather than either seeking strategies for revenge or coyly "complaining" about the challenges of love with a therapist. Yes, I went through all that (not here) many times through the years. The reality is harsh when it crashes in. And at least in my case, I cannot brand him as "evil", I wish I could. He was going through an existential crisis of his own and actively seduced me. Fortunately some sense kicked in and we both dodged a huge bullet. By that time I had become an emotional threat and he became resentful. I miss him, we could/should have had a healthy relationship. But....no matter how mutual our relationship may have been at certain points, he exposed and took advantages my vulnerability in a vile and selfish manner and is not man enough to be accountable. I wish for you to achieve that clarity, though it will take time. Am I happy? no. Do I feel used, useless, discarded and worthless? Yep. But there is too much negativity going on in my life and finally I don't wait around for him to make me feel better- it was never more than a band-aid.

hi hopelessly,
reality bites and stinks like a rotten tomato !!!!!

Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the