Romantic relations with therapist.

I terminated therapy almost 3 years ago, and befriended my therapist after our work was done, and it has only enhanced the lessons and associations I'd learned in therapy...I want to live and I have a more life-fulfilling journey. Her lessons in addition to what I took away from previous therapist are life-lasting.

I did a little research several years back. What I recall is, all 50 states licensing boards, and therapist professional associations ethics codes have a two-year ban on sexual relationships for most, if not all professionally licensed psychotherapist, except psychiatrist. They have a lifetime ban. In addition, therapist cannot end a professional relationship to jump start the clock on the two year wait period by terminating the client/therapist relationship. Several courts have ruled on this. For platonic friendships there is no wait-period in state laws or professional associations ethics codes.

But before embarking on any kind of relationship the therapist needs to act in the best interest of the former client. Even after a two year wait the therapist puts their license/character on the line.

I had a so-called "platonic friendship" with my last therapist after we terminated therapy by mutual agreement. I was traumatized as a result and he got in trouble with the board. I am a therapist myself so I certainly am familiar with laws and ethics of my profession. Ethics and laws may overlap in some cases or they may not, but they are always judged separately. What is legal for a therapist to do may not always be ethical. If the therapist befriends the client and meets with the client socially it is not illegal. However, if, at some point, the client feels traumatized and decides to report the therapist, the board investigates the case and makes a judgement of whether the therapist acted in the client's best interests or not. If they decide the therapist didn't consider the client's best interests, they usually negotiate the settlement with the therapist's attorney in order to avoid the cost of hearing. This is what happened with my therapist. He got the punishment that fit the crime IMO so I am pretty much satisfied and feel that justice was served.

This is just to give people an idea of how professional licensing boards approach cases with non-sexual involvement between therapists and clients. Many people seem to be under the impression that non-sexual relationship with a therapist after termination of therapy is perfectly fine, innocent and cannot possibly hurt. Though there may be cases when it is fine and even beneficial, virtually every story of such involvement I've heard was a story of trauma. What happens in every individual case, of course, depends on its specific circumstances but, having been traumatized by the "friendship" with my ex-therapist, I want to caution everyone not to assume that just because the relationship with the ex-therapist is non-sexual it won't be harmful. Many people have been harmed in such relationships.

I know and agree with everything you said, hence my last two lines, "But before embarking on any kind of relationship the therapist needs to act in the best interest of the former client. Even after a two year wait the therapist puts their license/character on the line."

My research was because I was thinking of a platonic relationship with my therapist. Any dolt can figure out there are no "laws" against platonic friendships. But in my research the legal stuff also came up for sexual relationships. Most all states have incorporated similar ethics codes from the professional associations, and added or subtracted as they feel necessary. The legal penalties are especially wanting for sexual relationships in most states, and not a crime in other states. In fact, the licensing boards fight against the legal system only fines, etc. The fines they dish out is their money maker to help them keep their jobs and pay for investigations...

Everyone, Please support Lynette's Law for your state by writing your congressional and senatorial representatives.

Befriending your ex therapist is not for everyone. Many clients do fantasize about it. I don't know if most people think a former client/therapist relationship "cannot possibly hurt." I think a big mistake is to end therapy with unresolved therapy issues in order to be friends, even if you get another therapist. My therapist and I have been friends for close to three years, and it works for us. If it ends I can handle the aftermath. There will be no trauma from me.

I'd be very interested to find out 1) what is the actual ratio of those who have reported being traumatized by the subsequent friendship with the therapist after the completion of therapy vs those who have reported being helped by such friendship and 2) if there are specific common patterns or circumstances that distinguish two groups from one another. This would be a fascinating research but I am sure none of the mental health organizations would have a slightest interest in conducting such research, as it would make them face some of the things that are happening between therapists and clients they'd rather not see and not acknowledge for a variety of reasons.

I am aware of Lynette's Law. I am not a fan of criminalizing sexual involvement with clients first of all because it'd make it much more difficult for many victims to step forward and report it. Even now reporting an abusive therapist is a hell of a moral challenge for many people for a number of reasons with guilt, love and attachment to the therapist being one of them. Knowing that the perpetrator will face jail would be an impossible barrier for many victims to break through when it comes to reporting. They would suffer in silence not even being able to get therapy because their therapists would be required to report their ex-therapist then. Giving the victim an opportunity to heal is more important to me than punishing the perpetrator. That's not to say that I am against any punishment but to me stripping them off their license is sufficient.

Overall, making the punishment harsher doesn't necessarily reduce the crime rate. On the contrary, it might make it harder to detect. It might also make perpetrators become more creative and find other ways to exploit clients.

From what I know, there are many ways of how a therapist can harm clients severely without ever touching them physically and without ever breaking any official ethical standard.

It's funny how people are fixated on sexual stuff as if it is the physical touch that harms the most.

All harm is emotional and it is what happens on the emotional level between the client and the therapist that determines whether the client gets harmed or not regardless of sexual involvement or the absence of it.

Sexual involvement becomes some sort of a "red line", and rightfully so, because its presence is an indication of emotional intensity and sexualized emotional dynamic that precludes the physical touch, but such dynamic can take place and continue for a long time without physical touch, in which case emotional damage will be just as severe as in the case where things go "the whole way". What I've described is a classic example of emotional seduction by a therapist that is very common. Emotional seduction is something no therapist has gotten in trouble for, as far as I know, because for licensing boards such thing does not exist.

A therapist can comfortably continue interacting with a client with all kinds of sexual innuendos and, as long as he/she is not touching the client physically, he/she will never be held accountable because technically she/he is not doing anything illegal. Never mind the emotional damage to the client caused by those interactions. If the client decides to complain, her complaint will be dismissed because the therapist has never touched her and her feelings about their interactions will be dismissed as her "projections", "transference" etc.

The above is the scenario where the damage is the same as from sexual relations but the behavior isn't punishable because there is no sex or sexual touch involved. Does this one deserve to get criminalized based on the severity of emotional damage? If yes, how can it be done? How can we practically draw the line of what a therapist can and cannot say and how specifically they should talk? It's impossible to draw that line.

What resolves the problem in the long term, I believe, is understanding what causes the misconduct in the first place, but that's exactly what our society is unwilling to do. It's much easier to react and to punish than to try to understand and to look for a long term solution to remove the cause of the problem.

My apologies to the original poster. She came for help and I went off on tangents that did not help her situation.

I can noway equate the harm done sexually and emotionally as the same done to a therapy client, and that does not mean that the predator should not pay in some way. Society is changing its mind, ever-so-slowly about sexual harassment, and that is what I see it as. Thanks to Anita Hill and the a-wipes in congress, when they so were so disgustingly rude to her during the Supreme Court hearings. Your findings above about legally reporting or not I believe does not really hold any more. Not much difference when Mom or Dad does the abuse. I respectfully disagree with legal penalties, especially when our U.S laws put young prep school boys in jail, because of their sexual choices, and I have to tell my my 19 year-old teen that, if he is going to have sex with someone he meets at a get-together he needs to get a video recording of consent on his iPhone. How is this not rape, especially because most of their victims have a sexual abuse history. They deserve the right to have at least a choice.

Some states don't even require therapist or M.D 's to carry malpractice insurance. They let them laps or sexual abuse is not covered. And personal assets are easy to hide. Clinicians that loose their license in one state for bad behavior often have more than one state license, and continue to practice.

I would like to continue this discussion, and will try to start a thread on the psychotherapy forum for it to be about platonic and sexual relationships, when I get a chance and am not too busy.

ETA: Or if someone else wants to start it.

Also, Clinicians often have more than one state license, and continue to practice.

Umm...I am not sure you've understood my post as many thing you are referring to have nothing to do with what I was talking about. But thanks for the discussion anyway.

When I read the original post, the air went out of my lungs. I don't think I have the words strong enough - please read about this before you get involved. Your scenario is so similar to mine . This I wrote - From my therapist , I learned that pure evil can look out of kind eyes with laugh lines.

t's follow guidelines.....in some instances they can have a relationship with a former client, after 2 years.

This is an older post. Are there any updates?

The biggest red flag for me was the question of why this person, the therapist, needed a police officer to spend the night? Does she not have any other friends who could help? Does she not have any resources herself? A neighbor? A relative? She is a professional in this area, I would think she'd have other people in her life whom she could rely on. The idea that she even asked for such a thing seems highly unethical.

I am also wondering what the ethical guidelines are for police officers taking personal interest in a case. It seems that spending the night would be looked down upon by their supervisors. Allowing an active duty officer to spend the night - seems - over and above the call of duty and would have potential to create problems. But I don't know how all that works.

It seems the lines were crossed on both sides early on. This reads like a bad romance fiction and I hope it doesn't play out that way. I sincerely hope this was resolved in a painless manner for the both of you.

looks like this person deleted their account

I am sorry you're experiencing this. I completely understand where you're coming from. My former T erased the boundaries between us and made me think it was ok to have a friendship. He then crossed the line to a physical relationship and tried to "help" me. I feel awful, probably worse than I ever have. He got reported, anonymously, by someone who saw him put his hand up my shorts at a community event (he was intoxicated and sitting in a crowded space and I walked by). I left because I was embarrassed. There's been a board investigation for nearly a year. My life has been severely damaged. I cared about him and he hurt me deeply. Now he is denying everything, has blamed me and shamed me. Mostly, I feel like suicide is my only option for getting out of this without more hurt. As much as it sucks, at least give it the two years that you have to in order to have a different relationship so you don't end up having to go through report hell.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Just FYI, this is an old thread and as stated up thread, I don't think this person is on the Forum anymore.