[precaryous]

Sorry if my thoughts are scrambled and for syntax errors:

Some of you don't develop caring feelings for your T's. I understand that. I have had some T's and psychiatrists that I haven't developed caring feelings for.
But I find I usually do.

Sometimes I think about the care that I feel for T and PrevT. I don't think it would be wrong to call it some kind of love.- The kind of care one would feel for a T/sister/mother/teacher/friend.

I also remember having caring feelings for other therapists, other psychiatrists. But they ruined therapy by sexualizing it...when that isn't what I wanted, needed or was trying for. At the time, I didn't know why I was having caring feelings for them. Neither male psychiatrist explained transference...

The sexualizing of therapy was their doing, not mine, so much. I never initiated sex into therapy. They would ask me to relate sexual fantasies that I had about them. I had not been thinking that way about them. I remember it was difficult for me to think of such scenarios.

The one psychiatrist hinted all around about having a sexual relationship with me, I guess, gauging how I would react to the actual question. He said sex with him would be helpful for me. Sex with him would help "get (me) out there" in the dating world.

I did participate, so I take that as my fault in it....I was attracted but it wasn't for my desiring sex so much...

I was attracted because I was following their lead...the relationship made me feel special...the relationship made me feel desired....the relationship boosted my ego and helped me feel equal...the relationship was a way to express my caring for them.....thinking about them helped me not think so much about my own depression. I was attracted because my thinking was all messed up. I was very vulnerable trying to process CSA and adult abuse. They knew that.

There were many reasons I participated.

They should have responded like my T and PrevT have responded- even though the offending psychiatrists are men.
c

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Sorry if my thoughts are scrambled and for syntax errors:

Some of you don't develop caring feelings for your T's. I understand that. I have had some T's and psychiatrists that I haven't developed caring feelings for.
But I find I usually do.

Sometimes I think about the care that I feel for T and PrevT. I don't think it would be wrong to call it some kind of love.- The kind of care one would feel for a T/sister/mother/teacher/friend.

I also remember having caring feelings for other therapists, other psychiatrists. But they ruined therapy by sexualizing it...when that isn't what I wanted, needed or was trying for. At the time, I didn't know why I was having caring feelings for them. Neither male psychiatrist explained transference...

The sexualizing of therapy was their doing, not mine, so much. I never initiated sex into therapy. They would ask me to relate sexual fantasies that I had about them. I had not been thinking that way about them. I remember it was difficult for me to think of such scenarios.

The one psychiatrist hinted all around about having a sexual relationship with me, I guess, gauging how I would react to the actual question. He said sex with him would be helpful for me. Sex with him would help "get (me) out there" in the dating world.

I did participate, so I take that as my fault in it....I was attracted but it wasn't for my desiring sex so much...

I was attracted because I was following their lead...the relationship made me feel special...the relationship made me feel desired....the relationship boosted my ego and helped me feel equal...the relationship was a way to express my caring for them.....thinking about them helped me not think so much about my own depression. I was attracted because my thinking was all messed up. I was very vulnerable trying to process CSA and adult abuse. They knew that.

There were many reasons I participated.

They should have responded like my T and PrevT have responded- even though the offending psychiatrists are men.
c

i have these same feelings. the part where you said the T sexualized the relationship and wanted you to talk about your fantasies of them. my former T did the same. my former T also used the sex as a guise to help me ... in my case it was to gain more confidence about my body and being touched bc of my eating disorder. i hold myself responsible for going along with it... i cant see blaming former T 100%... but he did have a sort of power over me.. he did use my weaknesses to his advantage.. and he exploited me for his own perverted desires. you dont have to defend your reasons for why you participated. i too felt the things you described... feeling special...feeling desired..etc. anyone wants to feel those things. since i was starved of those things growing up, once my former T offered them to me... how could i have said no? just wanted to let you know i can understand your thoughts and feelings about this.

[nicoleflynn]

TheT is 100% responsible for what happens in therapy. You were exploited and manipulated.

[joj14]

This is how I feel right now. Sorry for what you experienced. It is unfair.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

TheT is 100% responsible for what happens in therapy. You were exploited and manipulated.

Absolutely spot on. There is an inherent power differential and this is the reason it is unethical, illegal, and wrong for a T to come anywhere close to sexualized touch or acts. It is a form of abuse, which for many unfortunate clients turns into a re-traumatization. it's like wounding someone you are trying to help.

[Favorite Jeans]

It wasn't your fault. I don't think you bear even 1% of the responsibility for this. Even if you'd spent all your time trying to seduce him, it was his job to keep the relationship appropriate. If it seemed too hard for him to do that, he should have terminated and referred you.

It's really not so much to ask of a T: don't **** your clients. They teach that at T school. He knew he was doing something wrong, abusive and dishonourable.

Again: not your fault at all. I'm sorry that this happened to you.

[precaryous]

Random memory-

Before- He said having sex with him would be therapeutic and help me "get out there" in the dating world.

Later, after- He told me he only had sex with me because he felt sorry for me.

Like he feels sorry for "street people." He compared me to "street people.."

I'm so, so sorry. You shouldn't have had to go through this.

He did not have sex with you because he felt sorry for you. I've never had sex with anybody because I felt sorry for them, and know 0 people that have.

He was trying to shame and embarrass you to keep you quiet.

I hope this loser is in jail.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by FallingFreely

I'm so, so sorry. You shouldn't have had to go through this.

He did not have sex with you because he felt sorry for you. I've never had sex with anybody because I felt sorry for them, and know 0 people that have.

He was trying to shame and embarrass you to keep you quiet.

I hope this loser is in jail.

Thank you so much. I teared up when I read this- recognizing you are probably right. He didn't have sex with me because he felt sorry for me.

He made me feel so bad about myself.

We were walking on Main Street when he told me this.
He also said something like, "You said you could handle this, you promised me you could handle this! Why aren't you handling this!?"

He was trying to make it all my fault. All of it.

When I found a good T in Loma Linda, he lied to the BMV and said I had seizures. They revoked my driver's license. I lived an hour and a half away. That way I couldn't meet with my new T. I couldn't meet with the licensing board. I couldn't meet with the civil attorney who had accepted my case.

I had to find a different way to get to Loma Linda so they could do EEG's and medical testing to prove I did not have seizures.

He was booked into jail- not for what he did to me. He was arrested one year later for doing something similar to another female client. But the DA declined to prosecute her case, or mine, or any of the other five women who eventually complained about him.

So, no, he's not in jail. He's still married.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Thank you so much. I teared up when I read this- recognizing you are probably right. He didn't have sex with me because he felt sorry for me.

He made me feel so bad about myself.

We were walking on Main Street when he told me this.
He also said something like, "You said you could handle this, you promised me you could handle this! Why aren't you handling this!?"

He was trying to make it all my fault. All of it.

When I found a good T in Loma Linda, he lied to the BMV and said I had seizures. They revoked my driver's license. I lived an hour and a half away. That way I couldn't meet with my new T. I couldn't meet with the licensing board. I couldn't meet with the civil attorney who had accepted my case.

I had to find a different way to get to Loma Linda so they could do EEG's and medical testing to prove I did not have seizures.

He was booked into jail- not for what he did to me. He was arrested one year later for doing something similar to another female client. But the DA declined to prosecute her case, or mine, or any of the other five women who eventually complained about him.

So, no, he's not in jail. He's still married.

Some people truly suck.

My former T had similar tactics but more subtle

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