I have decided I am going up to bring up my erotic transference tomorrow in therapy. I have been seeing my male therapist for almost a year now and the "feelings" seem to just be getting more intense and making me more anxious as time goes on. I thought this would go away but every single time we connect by laughing together, having intimate conversations, e.t.c. it seems to get worse and not better. I am also having a hard time differentiating between transference and an actual connection. I have never had this problem in the past with former T's. Anyway, can someone give me advice on how to bring this up and be direct about it? I have hinted at it before and that basically has always resulted in me speaking in circles and shying away from the issue. The thing I fear the most is abandonment, rejection, a look of pure mortification and being uncomfortable on his face, e.t.c. I usually have a good head on my shoulders so the fact that this is happening to me is purely embarrassing. I am really trying to be brave here. Can anyone give me advice on how to address this with T tomorrow?

[ramonajones]

Ack, I just wrote a whole message that got deleted randomly so I'll try to rephrase it all!

I think the best approach is to just try to be as direct as possible. Most people seem to start with "I have something to talk about that makes me uncomfortable." He may know what you're getting at, but also may not want to presume that he's right, so be really direct. If you can, just get it out right at the top of the session as directly as you can. Something like: "I feel an attraction to you and it's awkward and embarrassing for me to talk about, but I feel like it's something that's important for me to talk about here." I wasn't able to say it to my T's face, so I wrote it to him in an email between sessions. After I stated the attraction, I immediately followed it up by saying "I know what transference is" because, for me, I just didn't want him to think that I thought that there was any chance for an actual romantic connection. I was so embarrassed!

But in my experience, the longer you sit on the feelings, the more they fester and grow and get in the way of the therapy, so bring them up is really important. Go for it! Good luck!