Therapist insinuated he has feelings for me

Very recently I expressed my concerns about transference during our therapy sessions (through a lot of reluctance and anxiety) without actually using the word "transference". When he responded to my fears, concerns, and questions, T basically insinuated he has feelings towards me and is attracted to me/finds me attractive (however you want to word it). He worded his sentences kind of carefully and was very vague at first but I kept pushing until he was more direct. I know I shouldn't have but it makes me extremely anxious not to know what people are thinking and have things up in the air. Anyway, where do I go from here? Is it possible to continue a therapeutic relationship and just take the admittance for what it was and forget it?

I think it depends what exactly he said. It's hard to make a judgement on whether he was acting appropriately or professionally from the information you've written here.

Yea I just didn't want to write exactly what he said as to protect him. However it was black and white.

Since you asked a direct question, I will give you a direct answer. I would run away from the therapist who did what you've described. It is that black and white to me, besides you also said that he expressed his feelings pretty clearly in the end. In fact, if he'd never clarified himself, that would've been even worse. It's unprofessional of him to express his attraction for you in any terms, vague or clear. But if the therapist already went into that forbidden zone, he'd better explain himself in black and while terms, otherwise it'd'leave the client confused. In that sense, you were right to pressure him for clarity. I would've done the same, and, in fact, I did do the same, because I had similar situation with my T a long time ago. One thing I can tell from my experience is that the therapist who said to you what he said is not someone who will have your best interest at heart, so I'd run away. But that's your choice, of course.

Thoughts and feelings are just information, they are not action! You cannot control how you feel (try not feeling sad when a loved one dies, for example) or what thoughts come into your head, they just help orient you in relation to yourself and others, inform you so you can make good decisions. Because you care about your therapist and/or your therapist cares about you means you could decide to be a good working pair; you don't want someone who does not care about you do you, doesn't care what you feel, do, think or say? How can there be a "line" in feelings? What/who I find attractive, I find attractive! There has to be a connection (not necessarily sexual attraction but whole people might have that element) for you two to work together well on your therapy. That does not mean you and he are going to get down and dirty on the couch or anything even remotely like that!

I share Perna's view on this. I have experience with the therapists' attraction being pretty clear with two. One never disclosed it directly but gave plenty of signs, both verbal and non-verbal. The second made it quite clear in a honest and straightforward way verbally very early in our work (and so did I). My experience with the first one ended in a lot of frustration, conflicts, and eventually early termination (I ended it) at least in part due to the experiences that clearly stemmed from his attraction and wanting to have attention that way, but lots of insecurities acknowledging it and working on it collaboratively. In that case, I was not attracted to him that way.

The second one is still quite new but a pretty clear mutual attraction was present from start. And we can talk about it in a reasonable, analytical way, using it as part of the therapy process. For example, it's interesting why I had this experience with two therapists, I am interested in knowing what triggers it on their end as that can have relevance to my everyday relationships. And while it's a bit challenging to stay on track and work on my original goals because naturally our many overlapping interests and great chemistry get mixed in, I have no intention to act out and he does not approach it that way either. There is attraction, and there is mutual respect. I don't think these two are necessarily mutually exclusive given that the parties involved have a certain level of awareness and maturity. I don't actually know how anyone could completely inhibit any sign of attraction in a longer term therapy setting, I mean most people can read non-verbal signs?! For me, it's much better and healthier to have these things out in the open rather than trying to hide (probably unsuccessfully at least in some ways). Feelings don't always make relationships crazy and distorted, I think it can have the opposite effect as well. But again, I believe these are highly individual experiences.

While I agree that "thoughts and feelings are not actions," I think this T erred in sharing his thoughts and feelings. I would run from this T as fast as I could, to get away!

I think it's important to consider the therapeutic purpose of such a disclosure. Was this disclosure in your best interests? Did he have your therapeutic needs in mind?
If you don't believe this disclosure is going to in any way enhance your therapy, and especially if you think it might hinder your therapy, that to me is a clear sign he has overstepped his ethical responsibility to you. In which case he might not be the right therapist for you. Trust your instincts on this.

Thank you to everyone who gave their opinions in advice. Similar to all of you, I have conflicting views, thoughts/feelings about this issue. I'm going back and forth between "we are all only human" and "He is the professional. He should know better. What was I thinking pushing this?". I have been seeing him as a T for quite some time now and I am very comfortable around him and tend to see him more as a person rather than my T. This confession or whatever you call it of his just made the lines blurred more. I do not in any way feel uncomfortable or creeped out by him. I just feel confused. I just want to be able to come back from this and forget it was discussed. There is my avoidant personality at its finest.

I would perfectly understand if you didn't want to go into details on public forum so I won't ask for details. I just want to let you know that I was in the similar situation and it didn't turn out well for me because I also wasn't in any way feeling "creeped out" by my therapist. Quite the opposite. I kinda liked seeing him despite the fact that he behaved unprofessionally. Eventually, as I said, it didn't turn out well, so I'd like to warn you against making the same mistake I made. If you want to talk to me privately about it you are welcome to PM me because I also don't feel like going into details on public forum.

It sounds like the client asked the therapist nearly point-blank and I would not know how to deal with that without some sort of disclosure, rather than lie out right? I was in therapy to learn how to deal with what other people said to me, to learn to evaluate it, etc. and there are some difficult feelings to discuss out there. Would you have had an issue if the therapist had shared their anger? Probably not. I don't see anything in the guarded, unsure ("insinuated") language the poster uses that says the therapist was inappropriate in their discussion of the relationship between the two. That relationship is all we have in therapy to help us and leaving out pieces of it, off the table for discussion, might not be a good idea?

I think one has to try to trust one's therapist until one can't. . . then you talk about that :-)

Seems like potentially a no-win situation.

If T says yes I have feelings for you, big problem.

If T says no, and the client feels it is a lie because they are picking up something via body language and other cues, big problem (also, the client might experience crushing rejection).

If the T refuses to answer, and leaves the client confused and feeling manipulated, big problem.

And then whatever happens, the client is likely the one to get hurt, AND will also probably be given the burden of responsibility, cuz hey it's transference.

This article is quite interesting: http://biomed.papers.upol.cz/pdfs/bio/2010/03/01.pdf

It describes the typical thoughts of a therapist who has erotic counter transference as "He/ she is attractive. I would feel nice with him/ her. The only problem is his/her lack of tender- ness (sex, attention). Has sexual dreams (imagina- tion) about the patient."

Typical emotions: "Fascination, “trance” or depersonal- ization dur- ing the time they meet"

Typical behaviour: "He flirts, is over-protective, “unwill- ing” touches, speaks often about sex, offers “sexual therapy” in the worst case and has an affair with the patient"

Strategies of Change: "Stop rationalization of the seductive behavior, stop it completely, admit own counter- transference, find su- pervision. Realize own motives, their background, the effect on the behavior, advantages + disadvantages for the therapy Otherwise the patient should change the therapist. Even after the change, the therapist should not have a sexual affair with the patient."

Hmmm I wouldn't see a t who told me they were attracted to me. I think it would get in the way of the therapy and add unnecessary drama to the equation. Like if I was talking about issues with my husband would he really want to help me sort it out? I get that therapists have feelings too but I just wouldn't feel comfortable if I knew he felt that way. I'd worry he would be checking me out the whole session instead of not judging me like I would want.