[PerpetualPain]

You are incredibly kind to me. It infuriates me how nice you can be. Just sometimes I wish you'd say something mean, just once. Say something negative about me just once please. Everything you ever say is so positive and nice it starts to lose it's value and meaning.

The kisses in texts are questionable. I have decided to rule out it's in a romantic / flirty fashion. It's probably just a friendly thing. You are just being nice that's all.

The contacting me outside of therapy was also just being kind. It doesn't mean anything at all. You probably do it for everyone... ... God, why do you only have 13 contacts added? You see hundreds of other clients why do you only have 13 people added. Surely most of them are friends or family? Why am i special enough to be added but not the dozens of clients you see? I find it hard to understand this.

You asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee once. It's been a while since then, but i remember as clear as day you asked. I ruled it out as being questionable. Hey maybe just a friendly catch up thing? I am obviously suffering transference. I just see things differently than how it is that's all. It's all in my head. I see it differently but all this stuff happening is just my brain twisting things.

You tell me about your family events, holidays etc. I know a lot about your family from your parents to your siblings. I even know the name of your dog and that your father has passed away. You tell me these personal things but why? Why do you share such personal info with me? Am i special to you? Are we friends? Do you just need something to talk to me about? Maybe your just trying to generate conversation in something and that's the first thing that pops up in your head??? I am uncertain, but there must be a reasonable reason that I am missing.

You get me birthday and Christmas gifts. Why again are you so nice? It makes me feel extremely grateful and like i want to gift bomb you in return. It feels like I have showered you in gifts over the past year. I've never gotten gifts for anyone else not even my own family never mind friends. But i do for you. Wtf is going on with my life?

You call me attractive along with other compliments. Are you just saying this to make me feel better? Or are you actually telling me you think i am attractive? You said this before I even said anything about my looks, i gave you no reason to compliment my looks. Maybe you said it because i was shy? But surely this isn't normal because people my age never say things like that to me. Are you hitting on me without me realizing it? Are you just harmlessly flirting without aim? Are you toying with me? Maybe i am over reacting and it's perfectly normal for a therapist to call their clients attractive? I have never had a proper therapist before until her so have no previous experience to make a judgement from. Maybe this is just all a major misunderstanding and i am seeing signs that she likes me from normal things she does with everyone???

Maybe I am just seeing things in things that don't exist. Maybe I am just suffering transference... Maybe i should stop these stupid thoughts, but i really need to know if you like me or am i completely mad???? Maybe a combination of the two????

You seem too old for me, you seem like you're married and like you have a good job and a happy family. Why would someone like that even like someone like me? It doesn't make sense. Things don't add up. This all must be in my head. I think you would cure my loneliness, this is why my brain is trying to make me believe in this. Nobody would ever love me. Why would someone like that ever like someone like me. She has a well paid career and a future, but all i have is a lifetime of loss ahead of me.

Sorry if things don't make sense I need to vent my frustration, loneliness, confusion and thoughts onto something. If i post them here they're going to be read hopefully by people who will never know my real identity, i really just want someone to acknowledge my feelings or maybe comment on them. I have nobody to tell apart from the internet. Thank you for reading my troubles.

[nicoleflynn]

My t led me on big time, if you pm me I will share my experience. Sex in the Forbidden Zone b Ptter Rutter is an excellent book....it gives a snapshot of a t headed down that slippery slope. Your t is doing a lot of things they aren't supposed to do. xo

[Topiarysurvivor]

Kisses in texts? She shouldn't be sending you texts except maybe to send appointment reminders. I didn't need to read further than that to know this therapist is lookibg fir something different than helping you. I speak from experience - please be cautious.

[junkDNA]

here is my perspective (an outsider's perspective) your T is being inappropriate. i dont think its in your head. i know it may seem really nice and all, but its not. a therapist who entices a client in this way is being unethical and is immoral. stay away from them!!

[missbella]

The kisses in messages, coffee offer, contacting you, gifts, calling you attractive, sharing personal information combine as a field of red flags. Your account makes me uncomfortable. Do you have options besides this guy?

Frankly no one need gather evidence to justify leaving uncomfortable therapy. (How do I know this? That's what I tortuously did.)

Another resource: Therapy exploitation link line

TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line
They also have a reading list.
Best to you. It's not fair when clients have to deal with this, but sounds like you're getting clarity.

[PerpetualPain]

Hi guys sorry i was gone a while.

Yeah i do realize these things are a red flag now. I've heard many people's opinions on the matter from many different websites including this forum. I've also plucked up the courage to tell a couple of people i know what has been going on. They also think things are not quite right.

As of the past 3 weeks she stopped texting me as much. At first i felt hopelessly suicidal afterwards, but as soon as I got used to the thought that she doesn't care about me as much as i care about her she text me. She basically asked me if i was OK and when i'd want to book an appointment with her. I said I didn't have a specific time but it would probably be next week or the one afterward.

She then text me about her family's most recent birthday party she'd planned. I had given her advice on what to do for it so maybe that's why she told me, but the fact is that something just doesn't feel right. I swear I know a lot about her family. From the name of her dog, to the amount of siblings she has, to the age of her mother, to the fact her father has passed away. She's even told me where she lives and where her mum lives... When i think back i can also recall her telling me once where she parks her car... I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now i am unsure. It's odd how much i know about her and i'd never known this much about anyone before. Like i always assumed therapists were really closed and didn't tell their clients much about their private lives, but i know so much about her.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying my therapist is a bad person. I am also not saying she makes me uncomfortable. I enjoy her company and like knowing her, but i cant help but feel confused about the whole situation. I don't know what i am to her or if she is even aware of what is going on. Women are meant to be emotionally intelligent, surely she is aware things between us are not the average client/therapist relationship. I think I'd be OK if she at least told me what is going on, but their is like a communication barrier because i feel unable to ask her specific questions due to feeling incredibly awkward doing so.