[Onyx999]

Hey all. I wrote about my desire to tell my therapist that I feel love for her (not in a gay way...not that there's anything wrong with that)

Well I had taken a break from therapy back in early May. I had my first session with her again this morning. We got caught up on all the stuff I'd been processing since my mother's death in March. And toward the end of the session, I told her. I prefaced it with telling her that she'd been working with me for more than two years, and how it was the longest Id ever stuck with a therapist. I told her it was hard for me to say it, but then I just said it. I wasn't anxious, I just didn't want it to be creepy sounding or anything. She said she feels a deep connection with many of her clients and she was 'honored.' Then she told me 'I love you right back.' It was cool. I didn't attach well with my mother, so I see her as a maternal figure.

Then we started talking about transference and I asked her if she'd ever had clients who had that other type of transference (erotic) she said every so often, but she nips that in the bud quick. She's CBT, not psychodynamic. I found her reaction to the thought of erotic transference very amusing. So she will nip that isht in the bud. roooolllin. :ROTFLMAO

[Out There]

How do you feel Onyx ? It's a short time since you lost your Mother and feelings can be very complex.

[Onyx999]

I feel less raw than when it first happened. The feelings get easier to handle as time passes. I don't cry as much now. We didn't have a great relationship. I'm not a professional but she seemed like a narcissist to me. I mean, textbook stuff. She treated my younger sister like crap and messed her up even more than she messed me up. So it bothered me to feel these tender feelings. The worst time is when I'm watching TV and I see some product advertised and I think, "oh wow I wonder if mom would use that." then I remember...

It's so hard. I just started crying just typing this. Luckily its my day off.
Thanks for asking.

[Waterbear]

I hope I can follow your lead one day and share with my T how I feel about her. That seemed like a lovely response to get, to hear her say.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Onyx999

Then we started talking about transference and I asked her if she'd ever had clients who had that other type of transference (erotic) she said every so often, but she nips that in the bud quick.

I find that concerning. Doesn't that suggest that the topic is now off limits, and that she intends to control or subdue these very natural feelings because they are not consistent with CBT or her way of working?

[Onyx999]

Originally Posted by BudFox

I find that concerning. Doesn't that suggest that the topic is now off limits, and that she intends to control or subdue these very natural feelings because they are not consistent with CBT or her way of working?

I actually thought the same thing. She may not have meant to come off like that, but it did sound like that. I will ask her in more depth next time we meet.

[Onyx999]

Originally Posted by Waterbear

I hope I can follow your lead one day and share with my T how I feel about her. That seemed like a lovely response to get, to hear her say.

It was. Like I wrote, she's cool. I can talk openly with her. And I think it's progress for me to be able to express myself like that. Usually when I love someone I express it through actions, not words.