[secretworld]

So my T of 5 years let me know about her time off through email. Approx a month give or take. I was furious she didn't do it in person. Can you say rupture? Just in need of a reality check here. She apologized but not in a way that she would admit fault. In general I think most therapists get caught up in needing to be right. Anyway I flat out asked her what the heck she was thinking! So am I overreacting here?

[musinglizzy]

trying to put myself in that situation....I think I would be fine with my T letting me know via Email about vacation dates, etc. I can write them in my calendar right then and there...and if there are issues/feelings about it I have time to think on it and perhaps bring it up at the next session. I guess I wouldn't mind how the T told me about an upcoming vacation, as long as there was plenty of notice.

[atisketatasket]

I wouldn't mind being notified by email (so long as there were several weeks' notice). But I think what matters here is that you minded, and she should have addressed the issue better.

Eta: why is this in the romantic feelings subforum? Is that a factor here?

[Deer Heart]

Hi secretworld! I've been with my T for about 9 months or so, and I have feelings for her. She went on a short vacation a couple months ago, which she told me about in person. I think she told me two weeks before she was going to leave. I took it well because the most important thing to me was having notice in advance. If she had randomly informed me last minute, I probably would have gotten very anxious and upset.

I don't think I would have minded if she told me over email, because for me the part that concerned me was just knowing in advance, not how specifically I was notified. Do you think that maybe your T told you over email because she didn't want to take time away from you in your session? Or maybe she was just trying to notify you as soon as possible?

Can you try to tell us more about why you feel furious and what about telling you in person would have made a big difference/why you would strongly prefer that? Do you feel like email is very impersonal and like your T isn't worried about how you'll do in her absence (whereas if she talked to you about in person, you would have felt like she was being more thoughtful and caring)? I don't mean to make assumptions about your experience, just trying to understand better and offer some food for thought.

I was also wondering about what atisketatasket mentioned -- do you have romantic feelings for your therapist, and do you think that is a factor in why you are angry right now?

Good luck with all of this... therapy sure is an interesting adventure sometime.

I am also among those who would not mind if my T told me about vacation via email, in fact I would kinda prefer because that way I have the dates recorded immediately. But we all have our own motivations in how we react to things.

I think you did the best telling her about your frustration, as you can probably see from the posts here, not everyone would react the same way and the way you is probably important in the context of your treatment.

[secretworld]

I posted here because it is emotionally charged and as I suspected I'm way over reacting. I don't know that someone without the dependant and transferential issues would totally get it.

Sent from my SM-N920R4 using Tapatalk

[BudFox]

A month is a pretty long break, and I agree with you that it should have been brought up in person. A client in a dependency or attachment situation is bound to have a fairly strong emotional response to this news. Why inflict that from a distance? Yes most therapists seem to have a pathological aversion to admitting fault. It's ridiculous.

[secretworld]

I took a really long time to get back to this, but I guess I left out details. At the end of my session she told me there was one day we had booked that she had a problem with and to email her and we could get creative. One day she said. I emailed once and no responce, two days later I emailed again and she said she couldn’t keep that day. I said how about the day prior. Then she responded to tell me over the course of 6 weeks she would only be available 2 of those days. Sorry, in this case email was not appropriate and she was clearly being evasive and withholding information.
We have not recovered from this after 3 months and puts all the blame onto me.

Sent from my SM-N920R4 using Tapatalk

I would be very troubled by this. Both by her lack of communication and evasion over the holiday and especially by her not admitting fault. I didn't do well with a therapist who put blame on me for my feelings, and I am fortunate to now have a therapist who is very non-defensive when I criticise him.
I don't have any specific advice, but I do understand why this is causing a rupture and why it's so upsetting for you.
I hope you find the resolution that works best for you.

[nicoleflynn]

I don't think there is such a thing as over-reacting...we react how we react.