Trying to get out

I've been reading your story, Ramona, and I am so sorry this is happening

I know this is a banal thing to say in the middle of all this intense emotion, but just a word on emails: a phrase that I've heard psychiatrists say is, "Dance like no one is watching; email like it may one day be read aloud in a deposition." So his emails are likely to be complete ********.

Yes, his emails are exactly that! Having a hard time today. Some real panic over realizing how badly I've been used, but when the sexual feelings take over this guy could have my whole checkbook and everything I own and I'd thank him for the pleasure.

I know this is painfully obvious at this point, but I told yet ANOTHER friend about this last night and his immediate response was "get the **** out of there and you should probably press charges." EVERY single time I hear it, I'm like "Really? Are you sure it's that bad? I might be explaining it wrong?" He just said "This guy sounds like a real piece of **** and you need to never ever go back." I swing back and forth between "This guy is ruining my life!" and "This guy has given me such a gift I never want to be without him!" Every time I tell someone it wakes me up a little more, but still when I present my mind with the idea of leaving for good I feel like there's a black hole opening up in my mind that I'll never be able to get out of.

Well, I guess you could possibly use future sessions with T1 to empower yourself more as from some of your posts it sounds like you would like that. Question him about his methods and what happened between you, ask about his motives etc. I would do that. But I believe it would only work if you could focus on this and not on wanting to please him and relate to him in a way that allows him to exercise authority. It would require at least a certain level of self-confidence but perhaps that could be a worthwhile goal to build. Again, only if you would be able to stick with pursuing it.

It might not.seem like it to you but I feel you are making small steps in the right direction. Keep going

I agree! It's also great that you are seeking help from different sources and are so open to suggestions

I agree too! You have lots of people behind you, ramona, and we all believe that you'll do the right thing in the end.

Went to T2 tonight. I update him at least once a day on how things are going in my head and he says he reads all my emails twice. I told him in several emails that I'm going to see T1 on Friday and I feel I have to do it because the utter terror that couples with never seeing him again is unbearable to me. He asked me to recap all the things T1 has said again and kept shaking his head. I think it's hard for him to totally accept that it's real because he knows this guy so well. Maybe I shouldn't be going to T2 either since they're tied to each other, but the thought of giving him up too is too brutal.

It is brutal. But it's necessary at this.point

You think ditch T2 as well? I am in such a panic today.

Could you look for a T out of their sphere of influence? Different medical group entirely to find an objective T...probably a female T?

I have found doctors cover for each other.

I think I might have to do that. T2 is so great and helpful but I think he's too close to T1 to be objective.

Hi ramona,
I just joined but have been a long time lurker and have been following your story. I am having my own struggles regarding my therapist, and can empathize with your pain of the idea of never seeing your T1 again. It's so hard when you know what you have to do but your mind and emotions are so tangled...you know it hurts but you can't seem to break free. At least, this is how it is for me.
I'll be thinking of you, and hoping for the best! You are being so brave in taking these active steps.

I would not ditch T2 is he was helpful and it sounds like he is. Maybe in the longer run it would be better to see someone completely independent from the experience with T1 but right now you at least have someone decent to work with, and the fact that he is open to frequent emails may also be a plus.

I am such a mess right now. It would be really scary to lose them both, but I also feel like it's weird that T2 knows T1. I emailed T2 about this telling him I was freaked out and he wrote back saying that it's good that I'm taking actions to protect myself and that he and T1 aren't friends but have been to about 10 trainings together over the last 4 years and that's their relationship. He also asked if there was anything that he had said or done that caused me to think that he couldn't be objective about T1.

I just remember before I told T2 the whole nightmare, I remember him saying a couple of times that he liked T1 and that T1 was a good guy in his experience. Ugh. I don't know what to do about any of this--but I DO know that I'm DESPERATE to not let go.

I'm seeing T1 today for the first time in two and a half weeks and I have no idea what I'm going to say. I usually go in prepared with a letter that I read, but this time I don't have one.

Good luck, today. Thinking of you.

Hope it goes well today.

And it sounds like T2 has been fairly objective so far about T1, so I don't think you need to leave him. He's telling you to get away from him, even offering to take the cancellation fee off your bill. It doesn't sound like he's defending or siding with him at all. If you feel comfortable with him, then I'd suggest staying, at least until you can get away from T1.

Thinking of you Ramona!

You guys are going to LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE this one. I went into T1 today. He said that we are to have no more email contact between sessions. He said that if I email him from now on he won't open or read it. If I need to reschedule a session I will have to call him, he said. He says this is for my protection because things get distorted and taken out of context when we email each other. He says he's doing this to HELP me. I said it feels like a punishment--like I've done something wrong. He says that's not it at all--that he still feels that he can be helpful to me, but that too much of what goes on between us happens outside of the therapy room over email and that can't happen anymore because it's not "healthy for me." In response to him cutting off the email contact feeling like a punishment, he said that it's not--that he's totally available to see me in person whenever I need to, but all communications need to be face to face. He said that I'M the one who chose to cut back to one session a week, so if I feel like I'm not having enough contact with him, to make more appointments.

I really have been suckered SO EFFING HARD.

I think (maybe hope, sorry) he might finally be panicking a bit about the way he's behaved with you. I think that might be why he's trying to tighten the boundaries - far too late for that.

If you don't mind me asking, what else went on in the session? Did he talk about the big, important e-mail you sent in which you explain what everyone else thinks of him?!

Agreed...he might really be wanting to limit e-mail because then there's a paper trail if you were to report him.

Also wondering if he addressed what you said in the e-mail in session.

I also agree on him probably panicking a bit. But when I read this latest report, ramona, my first thought was: "what a manipulative ****"! Still not admitting his own role, now blaming it on the email contact, but of course he is always available for more sessions. Holy cow!

He said NOTHING about what I said in the email. ZERO. Absolutely nothing. He just said no more email contact. And then he said: "If you send me an email I will not read it." I said that I felt shamed and punished by this. He asked me why? I said: "Because you just told me not to email you anymore." He said: "That's you distorting things and twisting them all around again. I never said you can't email me anymore. I just said I won't read it."

He's ****ing nuts. He said "I still believe I can help you but all of the work needs to take place in this office." He's DEFINITELY panicking over the email trail, and then lied and said he's discontinuing email contact "for my protection"--because it's not good for me because I distort his email responses. I said "it's really hard for me that you're cutting off this communication." He said "Well it was YOUR decision to cut back on appointments. I'm available whenever you need me. You just have to make another appointment."

He REALLY thinks I'm stupid. I HAVE been stupid. I wonder if I really could report him? It's really just my word against his. I'm the one who's really said the "stuff" in emails--but I have repeated inappropriate things that he's said in emails, and he has responded to them, just very neutrally. I don't know if that's actually enough to get him in trouble. All the really bad stuff he did happened in the office and it's just my word against his and he's a respected psychologist and I'm a crazy person!

Sadly, you may be right. It's not who is right or wrong, it's what you can prove.
But you can definitely get away from this clown.

And he's already started to blame the victim.

This sounds like classic gaslighting. Trying to make you feel crazy by insisting you didn't hear what you heard.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this...I'm not sure if reporting him would help you or what chance you'd have in succeeding. Maybe check the resources pinned at the top of this subforum about being exploited by therapists? I think there's a network called TELL that a few have mentioned has been helpful in advising about reporting a T.

Please try your best to get away from him. What he's doing now is a sort of power play, with cutting off the e-mails, then acting like it was your decision because you reduced appointments, then saying you can always make another (paid) appointment. When do you see T2 again?