[smileygal]

Hi,
Just wondering how many people here have difficulty making eye contact in therapy? I have a really hard time doing it but have been trying over the past few months to get better at it even just for a few seconds here and there. My T is usually very good at eye to contact herself and always makes a point of looking directly at me when talking or listening which I guess is what they are trained to do.
On Friday I brought up the erotic transference I'd been having. I didn't go into a huge amount of detail but just about how it was difficult thinking about her so much etc and how I had never had these types of feelings for a woman before. She again was very understanding and responded very sensitively. She looked down at her notepad the entire time I spoke about the erotic nature and although she did still look at me at various times during the session she spent a lot of time not doing so. I'm confused by this and wonder if either I scared her, made her feel uncomfortable or perhaps she was dealing with feelings of her own? Or Is it me just looking for something that perhaps I wanted to be there? I would lean towards thinking that maybe she was just uncomfortable talking about it but she is usually quite open to talking about sex etc every other time before this. Another thought I had was maybe erotic feelings about yourself are just a step that bit too far for some to not have some sort of reaction? I know people can't read her mind but does anyone have any thoughts on this? I should maybe also mention that she is a lesbian. Boundaries are well and truly in place so I'm not trying to imply anything guess I'm just wondering what it could mean if anything.

[growlycat]

Eye contact can feel threatening. Maybe looking down was her way of making you more comfortable ?

[DodgersMom]

not me, i prefer eye contact but in tough times, i do tend to look away.

[smileygal]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Eye contact can feel threatening. Maybe looking down was her way of making you more comfortable ?

Good point @growlycat. That would make some sense alright. I guess it was more afterwards when she was talking and she was looking into space that I found unusually. She wasn't talking about anything particularly difficult at the time .

[Blaire]

Oh god, I struggle so bad with this! Sometimes I don't even see his face through the entire session. We've tried to work on it, but his eyes are so intense!

For two years I thought he had otherworldly bright blue eyes, and I was afraid to look at them because they were too creepy. Then one day I really looked at him and realized they are like a totally normal gray hazel type of color. Not even light colored. It was so weird! Yeah, eye contact in therapy is a very big challenge for me.

[Tea-lover1987]

Originally Posted by Blaire

Oh god, I struggle so bad with this! Sometimes I don't even see his face through the entire session. We've tried to work on it, but his eyes are so intense!

For two years I thought he had otherworldly bright blue eyes, and I was afraid to look at them because they were too creepy. Then one day I really looked at him and realized they are like a totally normal gray hazel type of color. Not even light colored. It was so weird! Yeah, eye contact in therapy is a very big challenge for me.

I have the same problem with mine, but his eyes are really blue. but here ally has very pretty big light blue eyes, and sometimes when he looks at me ,I feel like he's trying to pierce my soul with his eyes when he asks me a question, and i sometimes blank out. he has this subtle way of pulling things out of me that no other t has as much. I feel like I could tell him anything, except my attachment to him. but at some point maybe ill have the nerve next session to tell him.

[smileygal]

Yes, it is a tough one. I find it helps to connect even more with T when I am
able to do it although it's usually only for a few seconds at a time. Hopefully the more comfortable I become the easier it gets.. I am also aiming to try bring it into my everyday life (when appropriate) but still very very difficult .

[Erebos]

MY Pdoc deals with highly aggressive and strung out individuals, he has a very specific eye contact regiment almost. It sounds very artificial when I say it like that but he has it down to a fine art.
I think most therapists recognise the importance of eye contact and how it can apply or alleviate pressure.

[smileygal]

Yes, I imagine they are well rehearsed in the importance and meaning of eye contact. Sometimes I can see my T really making a point of trying to catch my eye for even a second almost as a way of reassurance particularly before I leave or something.

I guess the one particular day I am referring to my T looking down and away alot when talking about ET a small part of me was hoping that perhaps it made her uncomfortable with her own feelings or even stirred up some feelings in her. I would never hope to act on any feelings or have them acted upon but I guess the fantasy is that there was something there on her side too. The logical/intellectual part of me knows, however, this is not at all likely to be true and that as growly cat said it was more likely in order to help me feel more comfortable, less threatened and find it easier to talk.