[Mudlocke]

She said she'd never abandon me. She made me a promise.

It's been months. I waited and waited for her to text me. She never did. I then text her and she spoke to me very generically for like 20 minutes. She said she had to go and that she'd "catch me again soon x"

I know she wont text me. She has abandoned me like I am nothing. All that talk about us being close and it not mattering when my life ends because I'd have her was lies. I put faith in her and now I am heavily suicidal and alone at home on a daily basis whilst the rest of my family are working or generally just living their lives. My anxiety disorder is slowly killing me now, I feel like I'll get worse without her.

I cant put into words how betrayed I feel. Why would she say such a thing and then do this? It feels like she gave me faith and got my hopes up, and then abandoned me. She knew I was suicidal and I told her my life was ending, but still she never even text me once. It's as if she was OK with the thought of me killing myself. I was so close before I text her and all i got was a generic conversation about the weather and that she was sorry I'm not happy. SHE KNEW I WOULDNT BE HAPPY WHY THE HELL DID SHE EVEN ASK HOW I WAS?! An the excited face emoji? Please don't act as though he were happy to get my text. You clearly don't want to talk to me anymore. Also why are you still putting all the x's? The x's say one thing, but the distancing says another!

I feel like I've been mindf*cked for years just for it to end like this.

[dtrain0802]

Originally Posted by Mudlocke

She said she'd never abandon me. She made me a promise.

It's been months. I waited and waited for her to text me. She never did. I then text her and she spoke to me very generically for like 20 minutes. She said she had to go and that she'd "catch me again soon x"

I know she wont text me. She has abandoned me like I am nothing. All that talk about us being close and it not mattering when my life ends because I'd have her was lies. I put faith in her and now I am heavily suicidal and alone at home on a daily basis whilst the rest of my family are working or generally just living their lives. My anxiety disorder is slowly killing me now, I feel like I'll get worse without her.

I cant put into words how betrayed I feel. Why would she say such a thing and then do this? It feels like she gave me faith and got my hopes up, and then abandoned me. She knew I was suicidal and I told her my life was ending, but still she never even text me once. It's as if she was OK with the thought of me killing myself. I was so close before I text her and all i got was a generic conversation about the weather and that she was sorry I'm not happy. SHE KNEW I WOULDNT BE HAPPY WHY THE HELL DID SHE EVEN ASK HOW I WAS?! An the excited face emoji? Please don't act as though he were happy to get my text. You clearly don't want to talk to me anymore. Also why are you still putting all the x's? The x's say one thing, but the distancing says another!

I feel like I've been mindf*cked for years just for it to end like this.

Was this your therapist?

Being abandoned - on any level - really sucks. I can't provide you any insight that will make you feel better or make the pain lessen except for it more than likely is nothing of your doing.

It's her, not you. And maybe her distancing herself from you is her way - albeit a really crappy one - of trying to protect you.

I hope you feel better soon.

[magicalprince]

Originally Posted by Mudlocke

She said she'd never abandon me. She made me a promise.

It's been months. I waited and waited for her to text me. She never did. I then text her and she spoke to me very generically for like 20 minutes. She said she had to go and that she'd "catch me again soon x"

I know she wont text me. She has abandoned me like I am nothing. All that talk about us being close and it not mattering when my life ends because I'd have her was lies. I put faith in her and now I am heavily suicidal and alone at home on a daily basis whilst the rest of my family are working or generally just living their lives. My anxiety disorder is slowly killing me now, I feel like I'll get worse without her.

I cant put into words how betrayed I feel. Why would she say such a thing and then do this? It feels like she gave me faith and got my hopes up, and then abandoned me. She knew I was suicidal and I told her my life was ending, but still she never even text me once. It's as if she was OK with the thought of me killing myself. I was so close before I text her and all i got was a generic conversation about the weather and that she was sorry I'm not happy. SHE KNEW I WOULDNT BE HAPPY WHY THE HELL DID SHE EVEN ASK HOW I WAS?! An the excited face emoji? Please don't act as though he were happy to get my text. You clearly don't want to talk to me anymore. Also why are you still putting all the x's? The x's say one thing, but the distancing says another!

I feel like I've been mindf*cked for years just for it to end like this.

Mudlocke, this must be so hurtful. You did not deserve to be treated like that.

[AllHeart]

Sorry this is happening to you. As MP said, you did not deserve to be treated like that. Please keep writing here if it helps you. We are hearing you.

[Mudlocke]

Hi dtrain, yes it was my therapist. I don't think I'm going to feel any better any time soon, but thank you for your kind words.

Hi magicalprince, I don't feel as though anyone truly grasps the damage a therapist can do unless they've gone through it themselves. It's so hard to deal with because nobody you know irl could ever understand what you're going

Hi AllHeart, I will keep writing. I'm under a lot of emotional stress and pain and have nowhere else to channel it.

I feel like I'm self destructing and destroying the last fragments of mine and her relationship over texts. I've said things I can't take back and brought up all the times she's not been a counselor with me but something else. I only did it because she gave me some generic response about how she is only a counselor and what counseling is about and for. She is going to ignore me or distance herself for sure now. I feel as though i opened a can of worms.

[AllHeart]

Glad you are still here writing. I know what you mean -- it's still almost impossible for me to comprehend how the very person I paid and trusted to help me work through my psychological problems actually wound up creating psychological damage (intentionally in my case). It's all so senseless and reckless.

A few things that helped me start to get through my ex-t nightmare was to learn to not blame myself for what happened, not judge or shame myself for the heartbreaking pain and anger this caused me or for what happened, and to start putting my needs first.

I also found some good support through validation from the people at TELL. TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line The more reassurance and validation I received that what happened to me was wrong, wrong, and more wrong and not my fault, the better.

No matter what, understand that you did not ask for this and you are not to blame. Your therapist was required to uphold safe, healthy, moral boundaries for you. And something severely off within her made her incapable of doing that for you. The pain does lessen. Be gentle with yourself in getting there.

[Mudlocke]

Hi AllHeart,

I feel as though I trusted her too, and she just gave me trust issues and made it impossible for me to ever see another therapist again. I text her listing a couple of times we spoke and it wasn't counselling but something else, things like when she asked me out for coffee and when I helped her plan her mother's bday party. She sent me a massive text saying it was all counselling and that therapists have their own ways of working and no two are the same. I know it's not the case though because I even recall a session when she came back from a holiday and spent the whole hour talking to me about what it was like and showing me photos. I think it made her feel good talking to me, but when I told her that's what I thought she said she valued my opinions and thoughts about things and that's why she said it. She seemed to think every single interaction we ever had was counselling, even if it was outside of the specified hour a week or was just chatting about things that were totally unrelated to therapy.

It felt like all the way through the texting she was just trying to explain everything she ever did was a part of counselling and anything she couldn't explain she didn't reply to. I was in shock at the time. I couldn't believe she'd treat me in such a way after 2 years of what seemed like a friendship at the very least.

I don't blame myself for what happened, instead I am putting my anger onto her because I am hurt. I feel as though it's not my fault and I only thought how anyone else would of in my position. I thought things through thoroughly throughout our time together to make sure I didn't do anything stupid and I never did anything to cross boundaries of therapy even when she was telling me to watch weird romantic movies or movies with clients and therapists in love. It all feels like she couldn't make her mind up if she wanted me or not, which caused her to send mixed signals for the past 2 years. As soon as I stopped seeing her it felt like she decided to distance herself and pretend it was nothing despite the fact I know I've never had a relationship like this with anyone in my life. The whole "everything we ever spoke about or did was just counselling" wont wash with me. I just wont accept that.

I'll check out the website thank you. I think I do need some validation especially considering my therapist is trying to make me doubt myself.

[lucozader]

I'm so sorry, Mudlocke. What you're going through sounds terrible.

You are right - your perception of the relationship is correct. She knows very well that what she's been doing with you is not 'just counselling' and it seems like she is panicking about that knowledge. It's f***ed up that she is now gaslighting you by behaving as if it was all totally normal.

Ugh... "Therapists have their own ways of working and no two are the same"?! What she's done is deeply unethical. And she knows it. It makes me furious.

[Mudlocke]

Hi Lucozader, thank you for your post. Gaslighting is a very good word for what it feels like. I feel like she treated me like a crazy person over the texts. I don't understand how I could be so wrong about this. After she told me it was just counselling she closed the conversation and said she had to drive and we'd speak later. We never did speak later and it felt like possibly just a way of her buying time to think of what to say or do.

Sometimes I just wish I had a therapist I could talk to about this who could help me make sense of all of this. This whole ordeal is bothering me more than the mental health issues I had previously decided to seek a therapist for in the first place. To think this has been going on for 2 years just to end up like this. I don't even feel I've gotten any better with my issues.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by Mudlocke

This whole ordeal is bothering me more than the mental health issues I had previously decided to seek a therapist for in the first place. To think this has been going on for 2 years just to end up like this. I don't even feel I've gotten any better with my issues.

just know that you are not alone in feeling that this ordeal has left you worse than the original issues you sought therapy for. there are others here who have had similar experiences.

[toomanycats]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

just know that you are not alone in feeling that this ordeal has left you worse than the original issues you sought therapy for. there are others here who have had similar experiences.

+1
I am one of those others.