[precaryous]

It's been more than twenty years.

My intellect says- 'Enough is enough!"

But my emotions are most times still raw. Recently had a bad flash back with T..when the receptionist said, 'Can I get some of that?" when she innocently interrupted T and my hug goodbye....not of my doing. Couldn't help it, took me by surprise.

Then I had anxiety about my first mammogram in two decades. How do I stop feeling wary? How do I stop feeling angry? How do I stop feeling destroyed?

Do I just make a decision not to read anymore about it, not talk anymore about it. Move on? Is moving on just a decision?

How do you recover?

[Travelinglady]

I think it's a bit of a decision--and maybe some cognitive work, reminding yourself that it's not that bad and/or it happened long ago or such. And asking your current therapist about it?

[lucozader]

((Precaryous))

I don't think you can just decide to 'move on'. I think it's a process... and yes, sometimes it feels like an agonisingly slow process... But you are making progress. You are doing so well.

I absolutely don't think that telling yourself that it's not that bad and happened a long time ago is a good idea. It was that bad. That's why you're still suffering the effects of it. I don't think you can choose to shut those feelings down - at least not in any healthy way.

[nicoleflynn]

Talk about it ...write about it.....read about it..... xo

[TeaVicar?]

Totally agree with Luc. Did you ever manage to find a good T, to discuss the trauma with?

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by TeaVicar?

Totally agree with Luc. Did you ever manage to find a good T, to discuss the trauma with?

Yes, I've been seeing her for three years. I just read her the Findings from the Medical Board last week. I want her to know exactly what happened to me.

It's strange, I have T, PrevT and you guys on my side, I know.

But why do I feel so incredibly alone in this?
Maybe it's because my pain, my anger, my confusion?
I don't know.

[Shazerac]

I'm sorry you are feeling so alone

[Parva]

What was done to you, to me, to so many others isn't right, and it's not our fault, but we bear the scars, right? And they never go away. Ever. So no, I don't think you get to just decide to move past this. I think you live with it every day because now it's a part of who you are that can never be erased. Maybe you cope with it, and if you're lucky, I wonder if you come to terms with it. Come to terms with yourself about it. Ultimately, I guess Dr. Phil is right - within this endless storm of shame and fear, find the love for yourself that this abuse took away.

I wish I had the answer for you, because you're the one who helped me get moving forward after all this. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

[Ididitmyway]

In my experience, how far you proceed in your recovery depends on how well you integrate your traumatic experience. By "integrating" I mean understanding what happened and why it happened. In many cases that understanding, unfortunately, is very superficial because it's mostly intellectual. It doesn't go deep enough for the person to feel like they really "got" it. It's also one dimensional meaning that only one side of the experience is consciously understood when there are many layers there.

If you want me to elaborate, I'd rather do it in a private conversation. I just don't want to trigger another bitter debate here because it will hijack your thread. Besides, I am out of town and I hate typing on my cell phone.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Parva

What was done to you, to me, to so many others isn't right, and it's not our fault, but we bear the scars, right? And they never go away. Ever. So no, I don't think you get to just decide to move past this. I think you live with it every day because now it's a part of who you are that can never be erased. Maybe you cope with it, and if you're lucky, I wonder if you come to terms with it. Come to terms with yourself about it. Ultimately, I guess Dr. Phil is right - within this endless storm of shame and fear, find the love for yourself that this abuse took away.

I wish I had the answer for you, because you're the one who helped me get moving forward after all this. Bet you didn't know that, did you?

Thank you for this. It does help.

[junkDNA]

I compartmentalize it and focus on other things

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

In my experience, how far you proceed in your recovery depends on how well you integrate your traumatic experience. By "integrating" I mean understanding what happened and why it happened. In many cases that understanding, unfortunately, is very superficial because it's mostly intellectual. It doesn't go deep enough for the person to feel like they really "got" it. It's also one dimensional meaning that only one side of the experience is consciously understood when there are many layers there.

If you want me to elaborate, I'd rather do it in a private conversation. I just don't want to trigger another bitter debate here because it will hijack your thread. Besides, I am out of town and I hate typing on my cell phone.

Thanks, Idid,

Interesting. Maybe you can PM when you are back in town. No hurry.