How to get over rejection please help :(

It was the last day at open hospital and I said I dont feel ok but doc said I need to live without other's support because I was inpatient and then patient at open door hospital (sorry I dont know how to explain right).
I was crying all the time and felt like its over, I didnt know how to live, I was afraid but as he and nurses said- you cant all the time live here. Mu T said that Im not the only one who doesnt want to leave this place.
I felt just too broken and then I tried to find any thing to hurt myself but couldnt. So I went to art therapy room amd got something there, cut my hand, stopped to cry and run to my doc saying I have one thing to say and then I started to touch him, sat on his table and wanted to kiss him but he said- stop, you are completely out of control, dont get us in trouble. I dont remember what he said but he said dont be late to your T, she is said because her cat died. I said- so you cry for your cat or dog but dont attach to your patients so you dont care of me.
I came to T, took drugs, couldnt talk, cried. It was our last session because she is hospital T. She saw I cut myself and asked me about conversation with doc and I said I dont remember which is true, I just know I acted like insane and he probably hates me. I asked her to come with me to him but she said no go alone and say Im sorry. I did it saying- my T said I should come to you. I said I was out of my mind and sweared I wont cut myself, wont take drugs and wont try to kiss him. He said he forgives and did I cut myself. I said please hug me. He said next time. I said please. He said are you manipulating, I cant touch you when you went out of control. I said Im afraid I can do something bad. Then he hugged me and said goodbye.

Now I feel unloved, rejected, abused, left alone. My friend said she hates my doc because he didnt act like doc but as a friend and Im getting worse but another doc didnt want to talk to me saying- go to your doc, you are not my patient.
My male friend said that you have to be numb to not feel something sexual if you hug woman so tight.

Now Im without him at home. Feeling totally broken and rejected, knowing that I ruined my possibilities because week ago I asked my doc-lets go get some drinks and he smiled and said- maybe I would want it but if someone will know I will lose everything, maybe things were different if we knew each other in other place.
Now he knows Im insane.
I dont know how to get over. We were more then doc and patient and I dont know how to live further. It hurts so much.

Hugs did ths hospital get you some outside support? I would get some support to deal with this. Hugs so sorry you are hurting so much.

I'm sorry this happened, I was rejected twice in 1 month by my T. It really messed with my mind and greatly shattered my strong trust in him....

I wish I had good advice but I don't, just wanted to show support

Are you out of the hospital now? Do you have an outside t for support? I am so sorry you are hurting.

Im out of hospital, T said she cant be my T anymore so I have no T. I have option to go there and say how bad I feel but they will put me in psych ward where rules are really strict.
Im gonna see my doc next week but I dont think it could help me, when I was used to see him everyday for two months. He confused me, I feel like it was just a game for him flirting and laughing with me. Maybe he was bored but he didnt see other patients everyday.
I thought I mean something for him but no..
T sent me to read about my disorder and how to help myself and said she cant be my T anymore.
I feel really broken because of doc. We acted like friends, I know about him as much as he knows about me but he doesnt need me.
It hurts too much.

completely relate to this. I am so confused and angry at myself and feel stupid etc. so many feelings for someone I trusted more than anyone who has now hurt me more than I ever dreamed. Sigh....
hugs to you