[imnotbroken]

Hi.

This is my first post here (apart from the Introduction one) and this will provide a better explanation on why I joined the forum.

BTW, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

I was born with hydrocephalus, which can be understood as an "accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) within the brain." (Definition provided by Wikipedia). I was able to develop all functions pretty much fully, despite the limitating diagnostic provided by doctors. I can do anything a regular person does, with limitations, of course. The most outstanding issues I've encountered refer to balance/location awareness issues.

Anyway, to help me cope with these limitations, I spoke to a family friend who is a psychotherapist and she referred me to a fellow psychotherapist who worked with her to help me.

On the first appointment, I cried pretty much the whole time. My mother went in with me and explained about the hydrocephalus (I'm dealing with being able to talk about it openly at the moment; at the time, I couldn't do it). To my surprise, the therapist seemed to be quite 'experienced' on this condition, then she explained she'd had a daughter that had this condition, but unfortunately the baby didn't make it. I immediately felt a strong connection to the therapist - I could tell she had a hard time bringing it up. She got a bit emotional.

From that moment on, I developed sort of a 'non-romantic transference'. I do not feel sexually attracted to her, but I started "obsessing" over her and everything related to her. I've found her social media, and dug a little too deep, finding her family members' accounts. I have not, however, tried to contact her outside of the clinic, nor have I done anything that might be considered 'line-crossing'.
Because of this 'obsessive' feeling, I am unable to feel relaxed when I'm in session with her, and she's noticed it. The first time she noticed, she asked why was I always so nervous. And then I decided to open up about the "cyberstalking", to which she responded incredibly well and said it was normal and that she didn't mind having clients on Facebook and I could add her if I wanted.
I thought this would ease my nervousness, but it didn't. Yesterday she noticed again, but I cannot put into words what it is that makes me so uneasy. Perhaps this 'connection' between my condition and her daughter's made my mind put her in a sort of pedestal, sort of like an 'idol'. She asked me to think about it and tell her next week on our next session.

Has anyone gone through this and has any word of advice of what is happening to me or how I could cope with it?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long text.
x

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by imnotbroken

Hi.

This is my first post here (apart from the Introduction one) and this will provide a better explanation on why I joined the forum.

BTW, English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

I was born with hydrocephalus, which can be understood as an "accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) within the brain." (Definition provided by Wikipedia). I was able to develop all functions pretty much fully, despite the limitating diagnostic provided by doctors. I can do anything a regular person does, with limitations, of course. The most outstanding issues I've encountered refer to balance/location awareness issues.

Anyway, to help me cope with these limitations, I spoke to a family friend who is a psychotherapist and she referred me to a fellow psychotherapist who worked with her to help me.

On the first appointment, I cried pretty much the whole time. My mother went in with me and explained about the hydrocephalus (I'm dealing with being able to talk about it openly at the moment; at the time, I couldn't do it). To my surprise, the therapist seemed to be quite 'experienced' on this condition, then she explained she'd had a daughter that had this condition, but unfortunately the baby didn't make it. I immediately felt a strong connection to the therapist - I could tell she had a hard time bringing it up. She got a bit emotional.

From that moment on, I developed sort of a 'non-romantic transference'. I do not feel sexually attracted to her, but I started "obsessing" over her and everything related to her. I've found her social media, and dug a little too deep, finding her family members' accounts. I have not, however, tried to contact her outside of the clinic, nor have I done anything that might be considered 'line-crossing'.
Because of this 'obsessive' feeling, I am unable to feel relaxed when I'm in session with her, and she's noticed it. The first time she noticed, she asked why was I always so nervous. And then I decided to open up about the "cyberstalking", to which she responded incredibly well and said it was normal and that she didn't mind having clients on Facebook and I could add her if I wanted.
I thought this would ease my nervousness, but it didn't. Yesterday she noticed again, but I cannot put into words what it is that makes me so uneasy. Perhaps this 'connection' between my condition and her daughter's made my mind put her in a sort of pedestal, sort of like an 'idol'. She asked me to think about it and tell her next week on our next session.

Has anyone gone through this and has any word of advice of what is happening to me or how I could cope with it?

Thanks in advance and sorry for the long text.
x

From what you have described here, this all sounds pretty normal and like your T is handling your feelings really well. Therapy can be intense, especially if you aren't used to having somebody listen in a non-judgmental way. I have been in this situation, and I found it really helpful to talk about what was going on with my T. She wasn't freaked out by any of it. In fact, our connection has been a really useful part of therapy for me. Good luck figuring things out with her. It's a difficult process but so worth it.

[imnotbroken]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

From what you have described here, this all sounds pretty normal and like your T is handling your feelings really well. Therapy can be intense, especially if you aren't used to having somebody listen in a non-judgmental way. I have been in this situation, and I found it really helpful to talk about what was going on with my T. She wasn't freaked out by any of it. In fact, our connection has been a really useful part of therapy for me. Good luck figuring things out with her. It's a difficult process but so worth it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I found everything you said extremely useful, let's see how next week's session goes.

[Ididitmyway]

Yes, I experienced obsessions about my therapists. It is natural for people who are dealing with severe emotional pain to get overly attached to their therapists. However, while it is natural, I don't find it helpful. It hinders the healing work big time IMO. Unfortunately, there is nothing the therapist can do about it. The best way to deal with this, frankly, I believe, is to take a little break from sessions and to reflect on how you see the therapist's role and/or what role you want the therapist to play in your healing process before proceeding. Your therapist has handled this well, except for the part where she let you add her as a friend on Facebook. I don't think it was a good judgment on her part. So, I'd take a week or two to think about how I see my relationship with the therapist, what it is and what it is not for me and to get some clarity on how I want to proceed.

[DP_2017]

OP

How did things go?