Do you imagine your therapist within sexual situations?

I find myself thinking about my former T when sexual problems or sexual satisfaction is described in like some column about sex or when sex is depicted in a romantic movie. I know it´s erotic transference and I still have it as part of my longing for her after she terminated me some months ago.

Although I know it´s transference I can´t really understand why I get back to those thoughts. I have never been abused nor engaged in any sexual obsessive acts. I´ve never had any sexual experiences with another person, maybe that´s part of why I wonder about the sex life of my former T.


If something is told somewhere like in a book that "women over 50 still often have a sex drive and enjoy sex more than when she was younger" I immediately think about my therapist and if that corresponds to her. Or that "couples that have lived together for a long time might find sex less important" I think about if that could correspond to my therapist and her husband.

Some of it is just curiosity I think but probably there are also some other more deep-seated reasons to this. It´s not that I´m so preoccupied I can´t do or think about anything else but rather often I find myself think about this.


Why is this? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Yes and it's common, although this should probably be in the romantic feelings spot

No idea why, probably similar to why some people feel the same about celebs or other people they encounter, some people just pop in your head that way. It does suck but at least now for me, I don't have to see him when having those thoughts so there's no shame or awkwardness. Feel free to message me anytime, happy to listen

My T is celibate so I’ve never really thought about him that way. Actually that’s not true - I’ve tried to imagine him in a relationship or being romantic with someone and I just can’t. I don’t see it at all.

he is? interesting

Ya. He's a catholic priest, so I guess by choice, but only partially.

Your thoughts and curiosity is very common, especially in regards to therapy situations when clients have experienced an intense transference to their therapist, which is your case, as I understand.

Beyond that, I don't think anyone would be able to tell you the exact specific reasons why this is happening to you. It might have something to do with the fact that your sex life has been virtually non-existent up until this point, as you said. But this is much more than just that.

Sexual energy is, arguably, the most powerful force in our mind-body system, may be after maternal protective instinct, and, unfortunately, the most misunderstood one. People, in general, reduce it just to physical sexual acts, sexual pleasure and a means for procreation and thus overlook how it can and often is unconsciously used as a tool of power and control.

Those, who are more developed see the constructive side of it as an integral part of emotional intimacy in romantic partnerships and don't separate it from the emotional closeness. And, the tiny minority of the most evolved people understand its creative power and channel it to create art, music, social changes and anything that becomes their Self-expression and leaves their imprint in the world a.k.a "legacy".

So, sexual energy is a huge thing that has a powerful hold on our unconscious and subsequently our behavior. And, because of that, it's very unfortunate that we are completely in the dark about this subject. People are afraid to really "go there" and explore it because it goes so deep that it can expose the deepest human vulnerabilities and dark impulses the society doesn't like to see exposed.

Sorry for this long, philosophical answer. All I wanted to say really is just that you won't find an answer to your question from the outside sources. If you want to understand what makes you be curious about someone else's sexuality or to understand the role the sexual energy played in your life and how it affected your personality and behavior, you'll need to look back at the environment you were raised in and the attitude and the unspoken, as well as spoken, messages about sex you received there. It's a deep analytic work that could valuable insight for you if you do that.

Yes. But I also do this with other people too... not necessary everyone, but a good amount of people. Not sure why my mind just naturally goes there.

Could be me too cuz I'm naturally dirty minded. Mostly I tend to do this with celebrities.

Since T left, I've had a crazy amount of sexual thoughts/dreams and I began writing some of my thoughts (just general not only sexual) and some of the sexual ones are like wow... LOL. I'll have to burn it someday ha!

It’s good to get that stuff out! I wonder what led to it starting after he left?

That’s so interesting because I have never gotten into fantasizing about celebrities, I think because I feel like I have to have at least some sort of connection with the person, no matter how small. If it’s my boss, teacher, therapist, friend, doctor, etc. though, my mind is definitely gonna start thinking things even if I’m not really attracted to them. Idk how normal that is....

Summer

I assume because I've never had outright desire to be with him beyond friends that its some way of desiring intimacy or closeness still. Trying to hang on to that feeling.
As for celebrities i think it feels safer to me. People i don't know. There's no shame or awkwardness. It just feels like regular fantasy

I enjoyed reading this response. I often find that others never go beyond the surface of the physical aspect of sexual energies. This is unfortunate because we can, in the right setting, really tap into the deepest parts of ourselves and gain awareness we can't in other ways.

I can't believe this - I got on here after months of not posting to post almost this exact thing! I do the exact same thing. I have MET with my current T and she knows. I haven't been able to tell her that I imagine her having sex especially when I am but never with her. I'm not attracted to her but I wonder how she is with her husband. I also did this with my ex-T but I don't do it with any other women. There's got to be a reason but I can't admit this to her. I've wondered if it's my mind imagining how she is when she's being loved or how she is when she loves?

Outside of therapy I wonder about males. I am married with kids so I've always preferred men. I just don't understand why I do this. I agree there's also the curiousity but I must be wondering for a reason.

I"m so tired of wondering, I'm about at the point to tell her but I'm afraid it will be awkward for her (and definitely me).

Thanks. Not many clients talk about this, I´ve searched the net about articles but haven´t found anything. I think this about imagining our T:s having sex with their husbands might be a way to make them more human and more vulnerable. That because we make us very vulnerable to them.

In a sense for me it´s also some kind of grief that fuels those thoughts, that I won´t ever be that person my therapist choses over everyone else, and that includes having sex with that person. Thinking of her and her husband might be a way to try to find out how to be even more close to her, like trying to find out, even if totally impossible, how I can be more important to her.

My thoughts also stem from my jealousy and anger about her being married and having love in her life while I´ve never had that. It´s like I try to see through her and "reveal" how she really is by imagining how her sex life is.

But as you, I don´t have a full answer to this, sometimes the thoughts can be a bit intruding but mostly they´re part of my grief mixed with anger.

Apparently my therapist would be fine with this and not uncomfortable with the idea of me having explicit sexual fantasies about him. Not a topic I ever expected to discuss, even hypothetically.

This came up because I was trying to explain my shame and fears about discussing very intimate but completely non sexual fantasies with him.
It's completely non sexual, but I drew a parallel with explicit sexual fantasies in terms of feelings of discomfort.

I figured this was a pretty universal thing, which was why I used it as an example. But he questioned why that would make me uncomfortable and didn't seem to think it was just the normal default reaction. And he expressed that he would not be uncomfortable with that kind of stuff either.

So now I know, I guess. But I'd rather stick to the fantasies about being held and comforted and stuff.