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Member Since Apr 2015
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#21
I don't know, I really don't know but I like Unaluna's take - they can't all be that attractive, right?
If you were the child of a narcissist, google echoism. Among other things that ring true for me, there's something about being stuck in an unrequited love situation/pattern. I keep thinking about breaking patterns that become stuck or changing the script. Some say that you have to re-experience the pain before change can happen, I don't know that I agree. But yeah, talk and chip away. __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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growlycat
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Therapy Ninja
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#22
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Anonymous56789
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#23
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My T was rather blank slate, which I think actually (though unintentionally) encouraged my erotic transference since I never had a relationship with my father given he was totally unavailable. So a repetition of my past. (I refer to oedipal complex, but that's just symbolism to having never had a relationship with my father). Have you identified ways you may be repeating your past? |
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growlycat, TeaVicar?
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
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#24
Have you talked about these feelings with him? Is he able to discuss them without taking it personally? Cuz its really more about you than him.
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growlycat
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#25
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I did not grow up with the love and attention I needed. So there is that I guess Not really a repeating pattern just latching onto finally getting a form of love and attention |
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Anonymous56789
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#26
__________________ Once you are real, you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.... |
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growlycat
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DP_2017, growlycat
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#27
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Ya know mumy sexual feelings were such a mix and didn't all come from the same source. Sometimes it was just from feeling cared about or nurtured rather than any special meaning. From what you said it seems your disress is less about the actual physical feelings and more about the feelings of envy. So even if the physical feelings pass, the emotional may still be there? Or the physical is a reminder of the emotional, so when the physical component goes away, the emotional can then be avoided? |
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growlycat
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Therapy Ninja
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Location: How did I get here?
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#28
You didn’t hurt me you gave me a chuckle. I’ve seen him eat a hard boiled egg with his mouth open. But yeah gross but still love him
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Calla lily12
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Calla lily12
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Therapy Ninja
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#29
I’ve been really upset and t called me tonight. It finally came up and although we talked around it or I talked around it he guessed what my issue is. Thankfully he thank me for caring about him so much and he knows I won’t break boundaries. He reminded me that there are rules. Strangely not “I’m not attracted to you” (although I’m pretty sure he isn’t). Or even “I’m married “ (which I already know he is). Just that we know that rules are in place that we must follow.
If he can fit me in tomorrow we will talk about it. I’m Nervous but thankful he didn’t say the obvious in a way that hurts like hell. |
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Anonymous56789, atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight
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Child of a lesser god
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#30
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They’re not things you say to someone you know well and care about. |
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growlycat, LonesomeTonight
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#31
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growlycat
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Member Since Sep 2013
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#32
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DP_2017, growlycat
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Member
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: in the parlour.
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#33
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It's great that he has acknowledged your feelings. that's a good sign already. __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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growlycat
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Member Since Apr 2015
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#34
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sorry to derail! __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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growlycat
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#35
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But about the point of outdatedness--It was difficult with my trauma history, but I find that method changed my cognitive structure. I don't think of it as outdated at all. Kind of like-people have been eating eggs for centuries. Aren't they still just as useful? New stuff is often recycled old stuff used to market and sell anyway. |
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growlycat, TeaVicar?
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Member
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: in the parlour.
Posts: 353
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#36
Quote:
I guess it depends whether you like eggs in the first place and how you like to eat them No therapist can be a blank slate - they have pictures on the walls, they wear clothes, they have things on their desk, they use a certain pen, they have a car outside etc. All of these things conjure up a person with a personality. My issue with the traditional psychoanalytic method, is that it already makes the work even harder to start with. It's harder to build trust, harder to be open and honest and I think it makes the process more painful than it could be, with a slightly softer approach. In my view, it creates unnecessary additional suffering. I also think that the emphasis on fostering an environment for transference to blossom/fester is misplaced because undoubtedly things will happen or go wrong or the therapist will wear funny socks or something, and all of these things will have an effect and will create feelings in the client. So why not create an open conversation about something and deal with those feelings there and then? Obviously I don't mean that the therapist should blab about their entire life but revealing nothing is also an extreme. What about the middle ground? I do feel it's outdated (unlike eggs!) and dogmatic and stems from an old patriarchal, authoritarian system which views the therapist as superior to the client... who is often referred to as the "patient" and is the sick one. I wonder what they are frightened of? Train is totally off the tracks, sorry growly x __________________ "It is a joy to be hidden but a disaster not to be found." D.W. Winnicott |
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growlycat
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Therapy Ninja
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#37
All discourse welcome here. I’m enjoying the read.
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DP_2017, unaluna
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#38
I don't have parts anymore, it's all integrated.
My ego boundaries don't blur anymore. Before I used to (unconsciously) let others enter my boundaries. These were usually controlling, sadistic, or abusive people. Even people doing people pleasing, as that is a type of control too. These are more mild than not with most people, so its not easy to see but now that I've done this therapy I can perceive these subtle intrusions from others but they no longer cross my psychological boundaries. |
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growlycat
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